I made this for you, because it’s time you knew the truth, guys:

So here’s something I don’t quite understand. We can’t talk about politics and religion, right? We’re told that, quite frequently. Can’t talk about them, it never ends well. People can’t discuss them rationally, better to not bring them up. Never talk about two things: politics and religion.

Well there’s a smart response! Should we maybe discuss them more, work out ways to discuss them and find a language that works across barriers so that we can discuss these two things, or should we just hide our heads in the sand and yell “Too hard! Too hard!” while we do? Somehow the “too hard” crowd is winning, and seemingly has won. I’m not exactly sure why.

I mean wouldn’t it make our planet, country, community better if we could openly, and honestly discuss these things without fear of, well, discussing them? And yet, there we go, off again not talking about them.

Better yet, we blame them for everything, don’t we? I end up feeling like this:

“Look, over there!”

“Where?”

“There! There!”

“At… you want me to look at those things we can’t discuss? That I can’t look at fully in the first place, because you insist I shouldn’t?”

“Yes! Yes, exactly, look there!”

“Uhm, all right…”
Read the rest of this entry »

Oh, AT&T! Before you print up ads with witty new slogans and homophones, please consider them carefully. The below pic was taken (not by me) at an AT&T store. Yes, seriously. It is a pic of a guy, with that slogan in simple white text on top. Yup.

Oh, AT&T I do not think that means what you want it to mean…

Let me explain how this Monday is already going… I’ll use an instructional video to assist me:

So earlier today I took a nap. Just a short thing, about 30 minutes. I really wish this was all a joke and written to be funny. No, instead it’s true. Somehow I was on my way to San Francisco by way of the C train, when they train had problems. So I got off. And had my luggage stolen. Then I got on a different train, and some friends were with me, and they stopped at the store (where? what store? I don’t know) and got me new things. But those got taken, too.

So I end up in SF and go to where I was supposed to be, which was a school. Except I can’t afford the school and have no stuff and was supposed to be just staying the weekend, except now I’m afraid of trains so I don’t want to go back.

These two people I don’t know decide to take me to dinner, to make up for it all, after hearing this story, and try to convince me to stay in SF until Tuesday which I can’t do because I have to work. So we leave the restaurant which is when I go to the bathroom and pee into something called the Infinite Toilet. It had a little sign.

Anyway, I get out of the bathroom and am annoyed that I bought my cat, even though in the dream, a minute before I was saying I couldn’t stay too long because I had to get home to feed my cat. Yeah. Uhm, right so the cat was annoying me and being prickly. So I put her down for a second, so she could ride her motorcycle. Which is when she took off on her motorcycle and drove onto the highway and got killed by a bomb truck from Mario Kart.

That’s when I woke up. And was so profoundly sad because my cat drove her motorcycle and got blown up. It isn’t often I remember dreams this clearly hours later and yet, there you go. Fuck I wish I were making at least some of this up.

I am still oddly sad about the cat. She’s behind me on the back of my chair, sleeping – not on a motorcycle – for the record.

But that was before I knew Granny was actually a ghost agent black velvet Elvis profiteer… which, to be fair, we suspected for ages. I mean, the old bat wasn’t exactly subtle, all right? Black velvet Elvis in the hall, six in the living room, three in her bathroom and that odd black velvet Elvis playing poker with dogs in her bedroom. Sure, Uncle Johnny thought she just really liked them, but I would point out the price tags on each, and how sometimes they changed.

The way it worked turned out to be dead simple. A buyer would want to buy some prime, rare, black velvet Elvis and they would, eventually, ask the right people. Those people would contact Granny, who would then contact the buyer and pose as an agent. She wasn’t mind you, she was a ghost agent. Posed as the agent, did all the visible work and whatnot, but only collected a tenth of the fee. The real agent just made connections, not getting their hands dirty.

Now, surely, you think, Granny could’ve just been an agent herself, directly. Well sure, but agents are only as good as their connections and there you have it, I would think.

Well, but the other question you must have by now is why am I telling you this? Well, bear with me. We only found out, got confirmation of all of this, when Dwayne tried to buy a new piece of, well, we can call it art I guess, art for Granny. Ended up meeting Granny herself in a back alley. The jig, as they say, was up.

So as I was saying back when I started, yes, I’m getting to the point, I know you’re on the edge of your seat there, if someone had killed Granny before I knew about her other life? Well it would’ve been sad. It would’ve been a damned tragedy. But once we knew, well, when she was found dead the whole family guessed why.

Which is where you come in. Did you think we wouldn’t work it all out? The schemes and the plans? The fact that you were sick of her taking the credit, even though it was what you paid her for? Come on, you’re good, but you ain’t smart, know what I mean?

So yeah. That’s why you’re tied to the chair. That’s why we broke your legs. That’s why I had to, I mean we had to, rent this whole warehouse. I don’t care that you hid all this time in some stupid plan. I’m, well we’re going to, the family and I, keep up Granny’s work. And you’ll give us your connections, won’t you? Eventually.

Oh, don’t worry, we won’t harm your face. We need your face. Reference is a great thing to have, sir. I do have to ask though, why fake your own death just to make a killing selling black velvet pictures of yourself?

Eh, it doesn’t matter. Just hold still.

Or else.

I got nothing to ad to it, really:

My friend Nick linked to a post at the Self-Publishing Review today titled The Real Source of Self-Publishing Stigma. I read it and just have to reply.

I need to go through this point by point. Let’s start at the top. The first thing considered is “Mainstream Publishers/Agents”

They don’t really care whether you self-publish or not. I mean think about this for a moment. If you’re self-publishing, you’re one less manuscript in their slush pile. If you fail, they don’t have to deal with you. If you succeed, then you are a proven quantity to them… a sure thing, which is something publishers like.

Well, yes and no. The thing is that when you list self-published books and then try to get an agent or a publisher they do see it and count it against you. Why? Because it shows that you couldn’t find anyone else on Earth to take a chance on your work. Keep that in mind.

Agents DO discourage self-publishing very often on their blogs and such, but the stigma doesn’t really flow from them. More about that in a minute… [I am skipping down to the "more in a minute part as the rest of this quote] I find it insane that while many in traditional publishing will pontificate about how indie authors aren’t “vetted,” GUESS WHAT? Agents aren’t vetted. Anyone can call themselves an agent and a bad agent is worse than no agent at all. Most top agents aren’t taking on new clients because they don’t have to. They’ve got enough good authors making them plenty of money.

I agree! Agents aren’t vetted, except if you count seeing who their clients are and doing leg-work and vetting them yourself. Which the agent will do with you, as well. No there is no One True Source for it, but there are general rules and guidelines and many lists on-line of bad lit. agents. So… yeah if you do no work there is no master list. So do the damn work yourself.
Read the rest of this entry »

Seeing as how it is Read an E-Book Week or some nonsense I decided, yesterday, to try an experiment. I went ahead and made an offer to the world. “Here, world,” I said, “you can get a copy of Strange Angel for free, in PDF, until Midnight EST. All you have to do is email me.”

Now, I admit freely, this was an experiment. I could have just linked the book for download from the post, but I wanted people to have to go that one extra step. I know I download stuff and never get to it. But if I have to do something for a file, I tend to read it way faster. But would people go for it? Would people bother to email an author they probably don’t know and ask for some book they haven’t heard of?

Remember, of course, I have three books out. None of them widely out, my publishers tend to be small, so far. But I ain’t new, is my point. And I was curious. I mean I know you can convert PDF to something a Kindle can read, but it is a bit of work. Doing it the way I did it leaves all sorts of issues and work for the reader. Well, yes, it was the only way I could do it just then and whatnot, but still. Interesting.

So how did it go?

Somewhere around 120 copies were requested. Which is about 115 more than I expected. A lot of that is thank to my wonderful friends who spread the word around, even to a Kindle board. Still. Let’s call it 120 (It was something like 117 but in my counting I know I lost a few for the count so I’m rounding) people that now have a copy of Strange Angel.

• Will any of them read it? Some, but probably not all.
• Will any of them review it on Amazon or a blog or talk about it? A tiny tiny slice might.
• Will any of them want to read something else by me? Well, who the fuck knows. But if they do, hey great.

I admit to being curious about all of those above questions. The answers I have right now are all standard amounts. That’s how this works. Will giving it away for free change those numbers? I want to find out.

Here is the greatest part, though, to me. I got 120 emails yesterday, and replied to each, sending them a file and a short note. Over 98% of those emails thanked me for offering the book, said I was awesome for doing it and were generally excited and polite and thankful. How cool is that?!

At least 30% of the people who got the book replied to my mail with the file to thank me a second time for, I guess, following through. Y’all are a bunch of polite motherfuckers! Cheers!

There was one guy though. I don’t know who he was… but he seemed to imply he read my blog. So maybe he’ll read this. But the note read as follows: “Good luck on being able to offer this in a dead tree edition or kindle-ish thingee at some point in the near future. For pay even.”

Now he didn’t mean anything by it. I know that. It wasn’t meant to be an insult. But first all of… wow. Let’s work backwards. “For pay even,” gleefully implies that I don’t get paid for my writing. Which, uhm, isn’t true. I don’t get paid enough for it to be a living, sure, but Shakespeare gots to get paid, son. And it’s an insulting line, ya know? To go up to a stranger and be like “Maybe some day you’ll be able to get paid for your skills, kid. *patpat*” But the rest of it, too. Man, Strange Angel’s been out since last year. In print. As a “dead tree edition.” I’m not saying I expect anyone to be aware of my tiny career, but if you read my blog maybe you would’ve noticed by now? Somehow? That I’m, whatchamacallit, a writer? Maybe not. Whatever. It just stuck out, you know?

But let’s not let that one guy spoil our beautiful moment together, chickadees. Come over here. No, leave your pants by the door. Where we were? Ah, right. The thing is that, overall, people are nifty. They’re thankful and polite and appreciate stuff. It makes sending 120 emails over the course of 6 hours a little easier.

So to wrap up, really, thank you, to each of you that partook of the offer. I hope you enjoy the book. If you like it, I have other books out you can also buy, if you want. Also, this has put ideas in my head. So expect other experiments in the future, and fun stuff.

Hey guys, the offer is closed. Sorry! But you can, of course, still buy the book at Amazon.

So it is read an e-book week or something. And so for today only, until Midnight EST, I make the following offer:

Anyone who emails me [adampknave @ gmail(dot)com] between now and midnight and asks for it, will get the PDF of the entire Strange Angel book. For frees, yo.

What is Strange Angel, you ask?

Susie Sparrow’s life has turned upside down. She’s merged with Ferapont, who says he is an angel, and has dedicated her life to ridding the world of demon possessed people. Unfortunately she is also in High School. Trying to schedule fights around school, hanging out with friends and dinner with the parents might be too much for one girl with large flaming wings to handle. But don’t tell her that. This volume collects all three volumes of the hit novella series as well as the original short story that started it all. As an added bonus it also contains a never before seen end story, exclusive to this volume!

“Strange Angel is fun, scary, gory, action packed, and surprisingly touching… This book is highly recommended for any fans of Buffy or just good, fun, dramatic horror and fantasy.” — D.J. Kirkbride, author of SOULLESS

“Knave’s intense vision is packed with occult thrills. His brutal meditations on the struggle between good and evil create a fast-paced narrative bristling with gothic horror appeal. This dark action series is bound to be popular with fans of the recent surge in horror film.” –John Edward Lawson, author of LAST BURN IN HELL

“And even though I have repeated this time and time again, Knave is one of my favorite writers. His style is intimate and provocative, quietly humorous and always intelligent. He has this amazing ability to make you question everything you believe in, while passing you a beer and telling you a dirty joke. And never was it showcased more then in this series. That’s right, people, Knave has fucking arrived!” -Kelly “Bloodymary” Perry, Horror-Web.com

“If you’ve been missing some Buffy, but want to read something with a unique twist, the Strange Angel series of novellas by Adam P. Knave is a great joyride.” – Adrienne Jones, author of BRINE

So once again it is simple. Email me [adampknave @ gmail(dot)com] and ask for the book and get a shiny PDF in the mail. I’d offer it in other formats if I had it in other formats, but, uhm, I don’t. So this is what I can. Still! Free book! Today only!

Hey guys, the offer is closed. Sorry! But you can, of course, still buy the book at Amazon.