Vincent: I just need to buy some smokes man, come on.
Jules: We can’t just stop anywhere you want, we got things to take care of, right?
Vincent: I know that, I just need to stop.
Dante: Can I help you?
Randal: See that’s what’s wrong with people nowadays. They don’t care about what they do, they just want the fast way out of life. It’s sad, I tell you. I, personally, feel ashamed for the fate of this once proud Nation of ours.
Jules: Motherfucker, what are you talkin’ about?
Randal: Your friend here, he walks into a store and he asks for cigarettes. If you go to a bar do you just order a beer?
Vincent: Sometimes, yeah if I want a beer.
Jules: No, dig it, this motherfucker is right. I go into a bar and I want a beer I ask for my beer right, by the brand I like.
Randal: Exactly. You order by the brand you like. See Dante, this customer right here? He understands. He is an enlightened consumer, unlike his unconcerned friend here who will be responsible for the demise of democracy and the capitalist system.
Dante: What? How does that follow? How is he going to be ‘responsible for the demise of democracy and the capitalist system’ because he wants cigarettes.
Randal: Not because he wants cigarettes, you goon, but because of the effect his wanton and shameless display of ennui has on the rest of us.
Vincent: I got ennui?
Jules: The man said. Now see, I can respect that. This guy here, what’s your name?
Jules: Randal here could just sit back and sell you whatever he wanted…
Dante: He doesn’t even work here!
Jules: … but instead he wants to help you better yourself. That’s how service should be, don’t you think? Randal here has the right idea.
Vincent: See, you’re just mad because I needed to stop.
Jules: I am annoyed because you had to stop, but outside of that I do see Randal’s point.
Dante: Well I don’t.
Randal: Nothing new there. Let me explain. By showing no concern over what he purchases, this man here…
Randal: Vincent enables the system to run willy nilly all over everything and sell him shoddy product. He just walks in and asks for cigarettes, what do you think he’s gonna get? Top of the line? No! Dante will give him whatever his hand rests on which, naturally, will be the top selling brand. So it will sell even more, because of Vincent’s carelessness.
Dante: Yeah, genius, so?
Randal: So?! So, the smaller brands will lose money, convincing the bigger companies that they are even more preferred. They’ll cut quality to try and up production and keep costs the same, but you won’t notice Dante, you just sell them. Vincent here would be the one to make a difference but he just asks for cigarettes, so no one makes a call and fixes the problem.
Jules: I can dig it. Now Vincent is telling these rich cats, ‘hey I like to be screwed’ right? So they keep doin’ it and pretty soon they force the smaller brands out of the market, right? Less choice means the man got you where he wants, he can put pressure on you and sell you whatever.
Randal: Thus leading us all into screaming disarray and enslavement. And when your grandchildren look up from their chains and ask you how this all happened, you can proudly tell them that you did it because you couldn’t even be bothered to care what brand of cigarette you smoked.
Vincent: Hey, all right. Back off, man. Fine. I want a pack of Red Apple.
Dante: I’m out of Red Apple.
Vincent: Then just give me Nails.
Jules: Naw man, don’t you see, that’s playing into their hands. They prolly want you to settle for what you don’t want. Right?
Randal: Exactly right. No you have to stand up for what you believe in and go somewhere else. Don’t support this archaic foisting of preference. Make a stand.
Dante: Don’t tell the customers to leave!
Vincent: Well you don’t have Red Apple cigarettes do you?
Dante: *sighing* No.
Jules: So how could you, in good faith, ask us to frequent your establishment? Are you saying you don’t think a man has a right to his choice?
Dante: *sighing louder* No I am not saying a man has no right to his choice.
Jules: Then we should be on our way. Vincent?
Vincent: Can I stop down the road? I think I saw a 7-11.
Jules: Man, we have a car covered in blood. We gotta get that shit cleaned, and fast. We can’t be stopping everywhere in creation looking for your cigarettes.
Vincent: *as Vincent and Jules leave* Look, it’ll get taken care of.
Jules: It better.
Dante: I don’t believe you chased more customers off!
Randal: I liberated them from the confines of their pre-programmed behavior. I did them, and you I might add, a favor.
Dante: You chased them off so we didn’t have to work.
Randal: *snickering* I know, ain’t it great?
(by Adam P. Knave – All characters are owned by their respective creators, of course, but this was written by me. Which means legally? It’s parody. Or fair use. Whichever won’t get me sued.)