Are you ready for this? Are you sitting down somewhere comfy? All right. Get ready. Here it comes:

SHOWGIRLS! The musical
Dear lord I wish I was kidding. It seems that Joe Eszterhas, the script writer of Showgirls, is working to produce a musical of the movie.

He told NY Metro: “It’s a movie that I wish I’d have written differently, and I wish would have been cast differently.” Still, he adds, “I never agreed with the notion that this movie was accidentally funny. I think it defies the imagination to think that a line like ‘How does it feel not to have anybody comin’ on you anymore?’ isn’t purposely funny. If you have a character named Henrietta Bazoom walking around poppin’ her tits out every 30 seconds, that’s a darkly humorous moment.”

Darkly humorous? ‘Cause her tits pop out? What? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He suddenly understands that he wrote crap and that it’s funny and we’re all supposed to go “Oooh, we see now, you meant it all along, we’re with you, genius man!”

No. No. I do not believe that the line “How does it feel not to have anybody comin’ on you anymore?” was purposefully funny, no matter what he might claim right now. Now, I think the movie is a standard for satire. Unintentional script satire. Paul Verhoeven, I thin, made a wonderful piece of satire out of it, but come on. That script is so bad it couldn’t have been done on purpose. Purpose smells different. It doesn’t stink of Cinemax desperation the way Showgirls always has.

So anyway. Eszterhas is working with, no lie, the folks who produced Urinetown to get Showgirls: the musical done. Just stop and read that line again. Isn’t that priceless? Yup. Showgirls: the musical will happen. It will open in Vegas and, supposedly “embrace the campiness of the original”. This time, he’ll mean the joke, and they won’t be half as good.