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I had a run-in with my building’s super this morning.

But first a bit of background. when I first moved in, Ed saw my super’s name written down and dubbed him “Super Hax0r” since the man’s last name has an h, j, x, another h and a smattering of vowels tossed into the mix like croutons on a salad.

We’ve had a decent relationship, Super Hax0r and I. He stole a window guard the previous tenants had and told me he had to, but then as we got to know each other things warmed up: he shouted that he was innocent when I slipped on the stairs while talking to him, he offered me a little shelved storage unit that he had extra from somewhere, he fixed my tub with great speeds and replaced my entire bathroom faucet for free because he could.

So today I was leaving and he stopped me with a “Oh, hello.” I smile at him and give him a nice good morning and start to take another step. It was not to be.

“Excuse. You are with the computers?” He nodded a bunch as he spoke and waved a hand around some.

“Hmm?”

“Your friend was said that you are do computers, yes?”

“Oh, yes, yes,” I said, remembering that Ariana had done me a huge favor and sat around my place waiting for Super Hax0r once, during the faucet problems.

“I have, tell you where to go, for car, yes? But to install,” he spoke faster and understand I am making his accent easier to understand, not harder, “you need CD Drive. My computer, has, I think, CD but no CD Drive. You understand?”

“Not,” I started and then took a breath, “really.”

“Is CD not CD Drive, need to install, for to tell you where to go… in car?”

“A GPS?”

“To tell you where, with map.” He started to poke at the air, an imaginary screen.

“Yes. So, what help do you…”

“Maybe you have, with, and can take book and see then install?”

“You want me to install the unit in…”

“You take book, maybe you see where CD go, and then you install? Then tell where to go.” I don’t know that I want a car to tell me where to go. It’d prolly be snarky, but hey, he had a need.

“I guess, I mean maybe…”

“When you free? You go now, but when you can take?” Super Hax0r is a part-time kinda guy. He works till 1pm and then sleeps, I think, and then drives a cab at night. Hence the want of the GPS I guess.

“When I get home? Tonight? I mean if you’re sure, I guess I could take a look at the book…”

“Yes, you take book then tell where to go.” Such a straight line! Such a missed chance!

“I could take a look at the book, sure. I’ll come get it tonight, then.” Look, what else could I say? You can’t say no to your super, all right? It leads to problems down the line. A super/tenant relationship is favor-based and that’s the end of it. Besides, I like the guy. I really do. He means well, he’s cheerful, he tries… he’s a good guy, that Super Hax0r.

So tonight after I get home I go to the basement and get a manual from his wife and try to work out what the hell he even really wants me to do. I just get the feeling this is far from over, ya know?