At 4am this is what I think of:

I have the sudden urge to get McDonald’s fake breakfast foods. Fake eggs, fake meat, cheese product and knock-off English muffins are what this country is made of and by God I want to partake.

Except I hear tell that breakfast doesn’t start until 8am in McDonald land. I will be asleep by then. EXCEPT EXCEPT this McDonald’s is open 24hrs so maybe it starts early?

I don’t want to go and find out because it will go like this:

“Excuse me, kind sir, may I partake of your fine hash brown slabs?”

“It is too early, gentle soul. For now you may only have McNuggets. Or perhaps a supposed fish filet is more to your liking?”

“No, for you see it is 6am. It is the time for hash brown slabs and heavily processed orange juice. This is neither the time nor the place for your nuggets and fake fish.”

“But that is all I can offer you.”

“And yet my soul yearns for the hash browns! Woe unto me!”

“Nuggets or I will be forced to ask you to leave!”

“Nevermore shall there be nuggets, sir!”

And then I’ll run out of the store crying.

So I can’t do that, obviously. And so instead I’ll sit here and chew this idea over in my head until I decide to go to bed, unfulfilled, sans hash browns.