Welcome to Adam P. Knave dot com

So a lot of you might not have heard of this.

DeForest Kelly in a show called Suicide Theatre. I remember seeing it on a collection of strange TV shows years and years ago. It still tickles me and I think it would have made a great show, but alas it was not to be.

It is on YouTube but embedding is turned off for it so here is a link:

Go watch Suicide Theatre with DeForest Kelly.

Yeah it was a show about a guy who kills himself.

Enjoy it.

Did you know ducklings BOUNCE?

The only way I know when the Superbowl is, is through the use of other people asking me if I want to go to Superbowl parties. Now, if you all want to come watch some hockey with me, that’d be different. I’m told I yell at the TV rather amusingly.

I never understood why people would yell at the TV during sports until I started watching politics, many many years ago. I found myself yelling at C-Span and realized that it made the whole process go smoother for me.

Hockey and politics: my two sports.

********************************************************

I woke up this morning and my apartment was warm, which is never is. So I ran out the door underdressed for the day, as well as a few minutes behind schedule. Now, when I say underdressed I don’t mean horribly. I’m wearing pants, for example.

Wait. No, ok, I have pants on. I just checked. I would hope I would have noticed when I put my keys in my pocket and they didn’t fall to the floor.

Anyway. Yeah, so not really prepared for the day. So I feel a bit out of synch with the rest of the world right now, but don’t most people feel that way a lot of the time? So who’d notice if I didn’t bother to tell you now? No one.

********************************************************

More and more people, it’s being said, are no longer wearing watches but are, instead, using their phones as clocks. Which means we’ve gone right back to pocket watches. Jackets have phone pockets, now. How long until chains come into style? I give it a year, maybe two.

Still, I wear a watch. I don’t leave my house without a watch. I like watches, I find them pretty, functional and helpful. I have time, right on my wrist. I’m slightly neurotic about time, as well, so it helps to have it in the fastest delivery system possible. I mean when I first read Neuromancer and read about the built in sunglasses, shit I didn’t care I just wanted a clock on my glasses. Holy shit that would be perfect.

If left to my own devices I tend to run early to most appointments. I can’t help it. I get twitchy about being late so I clear my sched up early and then I end up killing time and bored so I might as well head out and… you see how this goes, don’t you?

Yeah.

********************************************************

From Yahoo News: SAN FRANCISCO (AFP) – Internet search giant Google has said it has begun combining online books with its mapping software to guide readers to places described in print.

Google Books has started to “animate the static information” in written works by linking location references to its interactive Google Maps software.

Clicking on words pinpointing certain places in books will connect readers to maps of the spots, according to Google engineer David Petrou.

“Why not visualize places mentioned in books on a map?” Petrou asked rhetorically in a weblog on the company website.

“Now you can. Fact, fiction, old and new, we seek to present maps when helpful across all kinds of books.”

Titles already augmented with interactive maps include Around the World in Eighty Days, War and Peace, The Travels of Marco Polo, and The 9/11 Commission Report, according to Google.

All right, who fell down on the job. No one told me that Bruce Campbell was making a film called My Name is Bruce to be released this year.

Here’s the IMDB page for it.

Directed by Campbell, Written by him and Mark Verheiden (some Smallville episodes and BSG episodes and such) and starring Campbell and Ted Raimi here is the plotline via Wikipedia:

“The plot revolves around Campbell, playing himself, who, after being harassed and mistaken by fans to be his infamous character Ash from Evil Dead series of horror films, is abducted from the set of a film to fight against real monsters.”

And none of you told me. Not one. Why, exactly, is that? I expect answers on my desk by morning, people. This sort of thing will not be tolerated.

Scientist develops caffeinated doughnuts.

DURHAM. N.C. – That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That’s what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he’s developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.

While the product is not on the market yet, Bohannon has approached some heavyweight companies, including Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’ Donuts and Starbucks about carrying it.

*******************************************

I give this a hearty fuck yes.

Red Bull gives you wings.

RED BULL DONUTS GIVE YOU FUCKING SPACE/TIME POWERS.

I mean fucking hell, caffeinated donuts? That’s some hot shit right there. Why don’t I have one right now? Huh? Why do I have to wait? What’s with the WAIT?

Quickly, then:

The Love God’s Way thing, like many suspected (myself included – I just held out hope) is a hoax. I really wanted this one to be real cause it was too damned funny. But anyway, via Shirijani, proof page here.

*****************************************************

A link to the newest Potato Head thing: Optimash Prime. Well a link to a mesg board with some pics. It isn’t out yet.

*****************************************************

It is close to zero here today, with the wind chill it is below it at times. Not the coldest I’ve ever been and blahblahblah but I swear this morning there was a witch on the corner who was offering to warm people with her tit, if ya follow.

*****************************************************

Had a random idea for a story I will never write last night during a conversation (wherein a George R.R. Martin book was mentioned: The Clash of Kings):

In a slightly alternate England there is a legend of the Summer King. He who will rise as a champion and lead the land into an era of change and growth. And the mages set out to find the Summer King and bring him back to their land. Except they got the name wrong. Because their King of Kings, the man to save them all, is really: The Strummer King.

The Clash of Kings. Joe Strummer as King Arthur allegory. He IS the law, and the law wins.

Info in the middle of the day (and then we’ll go back to regularly scheduled programming)

Hellblazer.net is my home.

Zenbastard.org is where I write Talking Heads.

I write columns for thefootnote.net

I have a MySpace account that I am starting to almost use these days, so feel free to add me.

There are 5 years of archives up at TwoHeadedCat, columns and cartoons and interviews and so on.

I write stuff. You can buy it: Crazy Little Thing, Strange Angel: 1, Strange Angel 2, Cthulhu Sex, Vol II, Issue #24, Cthulhu Sex, Vol III, Issue #13, Dark Furies.

I like email. But if you don’t identify yourself I might toss it out as spam. I also use AIM, but autoblock anyone I don’t know. so if you want to chat with me, give me your UID.

We now return you to normal crap.

Love God’s Way has a list of GAY BANDS. See, listening to that there gay music will get gay on you and then you’ll be gayified! Among the Gay Bands:

Cole Porter – The evilest of evil music

The Doors, Phish and Queen – in that order. Something about that order makes me laugh.

Also in order: Madonna, Elton John, Barry Manilow, Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge. They needed a web page to tell people Elton John was gay? They’re in worse shape than I thought.

Frank Sinatra – Gay? Really? Frank’s music is gay? Huh.

At the end of their list, I kid you not, is “Elton John(really gay)”. So I guess they didn’t really need to put him there, but put him there twice with a warning. though Liberace isn’t there. Ghostface Killah is.

Now, they also list some SAFE Bands. I assume they feel then that the music provided by these artists is safe for your children to listen to and will be in no way sinful.

Number 2 on their list of safe bands? Cyndi Lauper. Have they never heard She-Bop? Christ, what’s a girl gotta do to be taken off the safe list? Writing an entire song about masturbation doesn’t do it? No, this is because Madonna is a gay band, so Cyndi Lauper must be a safe band. Come on! Show Cyndi some respect! I am writing them a letter to demand that they make her a gay band.

No. Seriously.

lovegodsway.org@gmail.com is their email address. I sent this mail before posting this entry:

Recently I came across your listings of “gay” and “safe” bands. I agree with some of your choices on both lists. Certainly members of the band Queen were gay. They don’t denied this. The Indigo Girls are, in fact, both gay. Good on ya!

So you seem to be on track so far.

The “safe” band list has P.O.D. which makes sense. They must be safe as no one wants to listen to them. Can’t get safer than silence! Keep up the faith!

However.

On your safe list I see Cyndi Lauper. How horribly unfair to her. She is as edgy and potentially wicked as any of her peers, all of which appear on the other list. why would you list her on the “safe” list? Is it meant as an insult? I think so.

So I ask you to consider the following: Cyndi Lauper wrote a song called She-Bop. Lyrics include:

Do I wanna go out with a lion’s roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop–or I’ll go blind

It is a song about females masturbating. This is safe music to you? I mean, hey I think it’s a great song, but I am also obviously a heathen. So I beg you, please, reconsider. Let Cyndi Lauper go free! Consider her “safe” and boring no longer! Let my people go.

Also: Frank Sinatra is gay music? Brother, nothing makes me want to suck some big cock more than hearing that.

Keep up the good work and go with God!

Adam P. Knave