M.J.: The thousand super-villains of the Stan Lee nation descend upon you. Their evil shall blot out the sun.

Peter: Then I’ll wear a black costume so I can hide. Errr, and web-swing in the shade.

M.J.: You need to be careful. Spidey!

Peter: Yes, M.J.?

M.J.: Come back with your webs, or on them.

Peter: Yes, M’Lady.
——————————————————————–
Spider-Man: You have many teeth, Venom. But it won’t be long before you fear my fists more than people do your tentacles.

Venom: I will erase Spider-Man from the histories……The world will never even know you existed at all.

Spider-Man: The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many. That with great power comes great responsibility!

Venom: This is madness!

Spider-Man: No! This is SPIDER-MAN!

Venom: That… dude, that doesn’t even make sense. YOU are Spider-Man, sure. But “this”? What is “this”?

Spider-Man: A really good Faith No More song?

Harry Osborne: Idiot! That’s “What is it”, the song is called Epic. Now I see why you had to kill my father!

Spider-Man: Because he knew more obscure 90’s rock?

Harry: Well… sure! Bastard!

Spider-Man: Mad…you’re a madman! No man, Parker or Osborne, would ever attack a super-hero!

M.J.: Didn’t you say his dad was the Green Goblin and attacked you all the time?

Spider-Man: Shouldn’t you be cowering in safety somewhere?

M.J.: Oh. Right.

Harry: It doesn’t matter! She’s right! And like my father started, I will destroy you!

Venom: Get in line!

Sandman: Spider-Man! Prepare for glory!

Spider-Man: Buh?

Sandman: Look! I was supposed to be the big bad guy here, right but suddenly the ads shift and now it’s that Venom guy? Fuck that! This is where we hold them. This is where we fight. This is where they die.

Spider-Man: First of all, I’m not on your side. Second of all we aren’t going to kill them.

Sandman: Third of all?

Spider-Man: No third.

Sandman: Weak sauce!

Venom: That’s why I want to kill him!

Sandman: Really?

Venom: Yup!

Sandman: This is madness!

Venom: Madness? This is… uhh… Spi… wait… fuck!

Spider-Man: Yeah! Not so easy now, is it toothy?

Aunt May: I feel woozy.

Spider-Man: …

Aunt May: Woozy, I tell you.

Spider-Man: …

Aunt May: Faint, even!

Spider-Man: Aunt May! Ready your wheat cakes and eat hearty… For tonight, we dine in hell!

Aunt May: Are you cooking?

Venom: OH SNAP!

Spider-Man: You shut up!

Venom: Naw, I’m out, that was cold. Sheeee-it.

Spider-Man: Nice, can I get any respect?

M.J.: That suit makes your package look tiny and smushed.

Spider-Man: So that’d be a no?