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The Scene – the cafeteria

The Players – me (getting coffee), J (doing some work as the asst. manager of the caf.)

J: So how’s the coffee?

Me: Well… it isn’t technically harmful to man or beast…

J: Oh, come on, is it that bad?

Me: Look, it isn’t weaponized, all right? It won’t hurt anyone to drink.

J: It can’t be that bad.

Me: Have you tried it?

J: I don’t drink coffee.

Me: So you’re telling me it’s good because you want it to be good?

J: Our food is good!

Me: Yes, it certainly can be very good. But food is not coffee.

J: What’s wrong with it?

Me: It tastes like it was made by someone who has heard of coffee, you know? But they never got to taste it.

J: You should have Spanish coffee…

Me: With steamed milk and way too much sugar. Yeah. Been there. It’s good stuff, but that also isn’t what you have here.

J: So it’s really that bad, huh?

Me: It used to be far worse.

J: Wow what was that like?

Me: Ever punch yourself in the face with a horseshoe and then set your ears on fire while singing ABBA songs?

J: … what? No…

Me: Well that was about what it was like. This stuff is worlds better. Like… down to just a punch in the face with a horseshoe maybe.

J: Then why are you drinking it?

Me: Horseshoe fetish, I guess.