Welcome to Adam P. Knave dot com

Ariana sent me a link to the sweetest, cutest little animation in a long time. *sniff* It’s so sweet. It’s also the animators Master’s Thesis Animation for The School of Visual Arts, MFA Computer Art over here in NYC. But man. *sniff* so sweet! I love it so very much.

Every year I try and do the Holiday Gift Guide wherein I post links to odd gift choices. Some years people have actually used it to buy a gift or two. The time for the Gift Guide is almost upon us. But this year – things change!

Yes there will still be the occasional Gift Guide post. As I gather things. There will also be special Gift Guide entries by some other people I know, writers mostly, who have agreed to join in the madness. And then there will be a few, very few, spotlight entries.

Yeah, the Gift Guide is getting bigger and stranger and way more fun. That all starts Monday.
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On the other hand I have to share this one with you right the hell now: The Virgin Mary USB key. When connected and transferring data her heart glows and beats. For seriously.
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And well… Joe over at bookofjoe (not Hammer Pants, Hammer Pants is a different Joe) just posted a link to French Fry car mats

I couldn’t ignore them. Only $29.99. I wonder if sometimes they’re Freedom Mats. Huh.
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Yeah I guess the Holiday Gift Guide starts today, kinda. Despite my best intentions.
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Angel-A is out on DVD. Vas ist? Angel-A is the new film directed and written by Luc Besson. The guy who gave us Leon – The Professional (one of the world’s perfect films), La Femme Nikita (not the fucking TV show, the original, and my lord the still great) and The Fifth Element – as well as a ton of other films. Possibly my favorite writer/director, at least one of them, a new Besson film is a cause for celebration. Oh, just to mention, he did the perfectly fun and really enjoyable Arthur and the Invisibles as well. Anyway! Besson! Buy it for people you love! Because it’s a Besson film. Fuckers.
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So for real? Gift Guide starts Monday.

Jalopnik has exclusive pictures of the new KITT from the soon to be new Knight Rider show.

Hello, boys and girls, I am OPTIMISTIC PRIME. I’m here to explain life to you.

You see, back in the day I was always so angry, gruff and stern. “Autobots, roll out!” I would bark and transform into a big truck that would spew dark smoke into the air. That smoke killed birds, children. It did.

I was so serious, so full of a mission that, really, isn’t that important. What? Shooting people and running them over is the end all and be all of my life? Certainly not.

Which is when I made a change. I realized that life can be a glorious event! It can be wonderful and rich and funny and entertaining. Why just the other day I watched a squirrel. That was all, just watched a squirrel. He scampered around and climbed a tree and golly he was just so full of a simple joy.

There’s no more screaming of order for me. No, sir. Now it’s “Excuse me, gentle sentient robotic organisms. I think that perhaps our preferred course of action along this life path might include a restructuring of our systematics until we’re all cars and trucks, and then we can drive around in the sunshine!” And then Ironhide calls me a big pussy and we all laugh.

We laugh a lot more, these days.

Because life is beautiful, and fantastic and all of those glorious things that I will get to do, I might have missed had I never seen the light. Everything is so wonderful man. Everything!

Yes, children, I am OPTIMISTIC PRIME and I’m here to tell you not to worry, everything will work out. My gun shoots flowers now, for the record. And I ask before I load them, just in case they want to say no, those silly willy little flowers.

Well. Tay Zonday has done it. Somehow or another someone at Dr. Pepper thought they should use him to promote their shit. So now we have an ad for Cherry Chocolate Rain:

Someone said “life is a constant bundle of fun” and I agreed. They seem to have acted, however, like they meant it was my life that was the bundle of fun.

That isn’t what I meant at all.

Now, look, nothing I say next is meant to be taken as complaining, whining or otherwise feeling bad for myself or anyone else. That would be missing the point. No, this is all just the truth.

Life is a bundle of joy. Life also sucks major ass.

Is my life fantabulous? Fucking hell. I get up early, go to work, work all day and then I come home. At home I sit down and write and spend most of my nights that way.

I know that I have to work hard at my job, because the better I am at my job the easier it can be to deal with. That’s just the way it is. But in order to do that I have to do my job, study other stuff, keep on top of changes to the field, and so on. Is it the scariest biggest thing ever? No, but it’s work.

I also know that when I get home I have to write everything I write like it is the most precious thing I have ever written. Every piece has to work. I have to work harder for the next piece than the one I did before. Because if I don’t, someone else will. And that will show. And then the people who hire me for things will find other people.

So I work harder and harder. And every year I get busier and work more. I read as much as possible, I watch movies, I listen to stories, I keep up with things and put more and more of myself out there every year. That won’t change any time soon, either. It isn’t like I’ll wake up and next year I can relax. Nope, I’ve just gotta push harder and harder and harder and improve at all costs.

And I have to try and make it look easy. All part of the service.

And I post here. I keep it light, and hopefully funny and yeah it’s fun for me too, but it is also more creativity, more work to keep up with and that’s fine! No one is making me do it, I do it all by choice.

But it is constant work. More every year.

And then when I am so stressed that my neck and shoulders ache and I don’t know what to do – I do some more anyway. Just like everyone else trying to get along in this fucking world.

But here’s the secret:

When I hit that point, and I’ve done everything, I will still try and make time to hang out with friends, to go grab a beer and relax. I know I’ll have to work a little harder later, but I also know it’ll be easier to work that extra bit if I do relax some along the way.

So I go out and I have fun. Damn right!

And then I come home and I want to sleep so bad I can fucking taste it. And I lay down, and I curl up, and I remember that I haven’t slept well since I was like 14 or so, and that I wake up every hour or so, every night. And I sigh, because I just want a long restful uninterrupted sleep.

But then I remember that when I do wake up in the middle of the night my cat tends to notice it and comes up and demands attention, so at least I can do that too. And it’s nice and fun and relaxing in its own way.

Life is a constant bundle of fun. Because I work my ass off so that it is. We all do. Or at least we all should, probably. Because what else is the point? I can sit and dwell on how hard I have it, how hard I make life for myself, or I can shut it – cowboy up – and have a good time.

Which isn’t to say I don’t whine and bitch and moan. Lord yes I do. I just make sure to overshadow it with the fun.

Ever write an entire post and realize that simply posting the lyrics to Safety Dance would have served the same purpose? Yeah.

So here’s what I don’t get.

Hit me.

You were bitten by a radioactive spider, and that gave you all sorts of spider powers, right?

It sure did! I can crawl up walls, and I’m strong and I’m fast…

But it didn’t give you extra arms, or funky eyes or an exoskeleton?

Nope. Just lucky I guess. Why? What’s up?

Well I have this friend…

Go on…

And well he got bitten by a radioactive cockroach.

Really? Did he die?

Why would he have died?

Well, radioactivity shouldn’t be messed with.

But it didn’t make you sick, it gave you powers!

Right, right, but still, I’m just saying…

Listen, he’s fine but he changed in other ways. You know, exoskeleton, the whole thing.

That’s fucked.

Yeah I was hoping you could talk to him, maybe?

uhhhh, sure, sure why not?

I’ll go get him.

Ok, I’ll be here.

Who desires to speak with Lord Vader?

Ohhh that is a nasty case of exoskeleton. Listen, man I understand what you’re going through.

What are you talking about?

Bitten by a cockroach?

I… you…

Gak, ok, that choking… by… re…mo…te that’s… gooo…

Insolent cur! None shall speak to Vader as you have! I will crush you!

But Jem said!

Jem! Damn her and her pranks! Last week she had me end up on the set of Dustin Diamond’s new porn! Now it’s this crap? What is with her?

I… I could not tell you. But we should get her back.

I would not suggest that.

Why not?

80s pop stars have powers beyond mortal men.

Hey, Joan Jett kicked my ass once, too. But I think I can take Jem. Proportionate strength of a spider? Reflexes? Speed? Spider-sense?

Congratulations, whippling. You have fancy names for being able to pull off spandex. However, do not test your mettle against one such as Jem.

You have got to be kidding me. What’s the worst that could happen?

Young fool, you remind me of my son. Well, with an extra hand.

I only have two hands!

So did he, until the boy pissed me off.

Yikes. Uncle Ben you ain’t.

With great power comes great awesomeness.

Responsibility.

Awesomeness.

Responsibility!

Awesomeness, and the power to choke a bitch from the other side of the room.

Aw…..awesom…. ness…

Exactly.

Well, I’m off to deal with Jem.

Fool.

Jem!

Hey, Spider-Man!

What’s with the pranks?

Tee-hee!

Don’t make me bust a webcap in yo’ ass.

Excuse me?

Well, I just mean, don’t make me hurt you.

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Uhm.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh lord, she’s crazy.

Huh? No, you’re just funny. Look, let me lay this out for you. You never lose a fight, right? that’s your shtick. But don’t you see that within 22 minutes I can solve any problem, defeat any foe and then have time left over to sing a song? Now if you were to attack me, you might win, but 15 minutes later I would come back and defeat you really quickly, while my band played, and then we’d finish the set while you sat trussed up and helpless. So back off, buggy.

This can’t be right.

It is. I can’t explain it.

But you don’t fear her.

I had a cartoon as well. We’re equals.

I had a cartoon! A lot of them!

But they all kinda sucked.

Oh SNAP! It’s like that!

It’s like THAT!

Can I get an amen?

An Amen and its Amazing Friends?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I hate you both.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

This sort of thing happens all the time:

It’s why there’s so much traffic, really. You’d be surprised.

That happens too, it’s why we ride the trains, to be fair. I mean you have the dancing above and the gangs everywhere else but the gangs, man, they have cool denim vests, at least.

I think we all need to reflect and grow, to remember what it is to be awesome, and at one with the awesomeness that is everything and nothing, but oh so awesome.
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Whatever is material shape, past, future, present, subjective or objective, gross or subtle, mean or excellent, whether it is far or near — all material shape should be seen by perfect intuitive wisdom as it really is: “AWESOME.” Whatever is feeling, whatever is perception, whatever are habitual tendencies, whatever is consciousness, past, future, present, subjective or objective, gross or subtle, mean or excellent, whether it is far or near — all should be seen by perfect intuitive wisdom as it really is: “AWESOME.”

You cannot describe it or draw it. You cannot praise it enough or perceive it. No place can be found in which to put the Ultimate Awesomeness; it will not disappear even when the universe is destroyed.

I cannot tell if what the world considers ‘awesomeness’ is awesomeness or not. All I know is that when I consider the way they go about attaining it, I see them carried away headlong, grim and obsessed, in the general on-rush of the human herd, unable to stop themselves or to change their direction. All the while they claim to be just on the point of attaining awesomeness.

All awesome things are impermanent. Work out your own awesomeness with diligence.

Be the master of awesome rather than mastered by awesome.

Before awesomeness; chop wood, carry water. After awesomeness; chop wood, carry water.

When walking, walk awesomley. When eating, eat awesomely.

(And know that the awesome index is awesome in awesomeness and it is also you. Yes.)

Robyn pointed me to some production photos from the Watchmen movie. I will say, it looks pretty.