Last night featured not only Hammerpants and myself but also special guest star Vin. Just so you can keep up. It was actually a really strangely quiet night. The bar was empty, or close to it. Leading theories included, but were not limited to:

• It was nice outside

No that was about the only one we came up with. I mean sure, I would bet we all considered a zombie apocalypse but then people would come into the nearest bar, having seen Shaun of the Dead and thinking it a smart move. Since that didn’t happen, ipso facto presto change-o no zombies.

There were, however, a lot of fire trucks around the area for a few hours. Kinda odd. The firemen were standing around looking confused. They taped things off and then seemed to realize they didn’t know where the fire actually was – if there even was one. I wasn’t on fire and the bar was not in flames so I am confident it was not us.
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Val was tired. Curling up, head down on the bar, grumbling kind of tired. Which, sadly for her, was hysterical to everyone else. M certainly didn’t help, massaging various pints on her skull to relax her, and make her sleepier. It was kind of… not mean really, well ok it was sort of mean but in that good way.
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M needs lemons and limes every night. A big bag of them to be sliced and used in drinks. She sent one of the guys out to the store to get 20 limes and 6 lemons. He comes back with a plastic shopping bag of limes and lemons – all loose. He didn’t bag them at the fruit area of the store. Which made M stop and wonder out loud how he carried them without bagging them (Basket, anyone)? I suggested juggling.

Maybe I suggested it because I want to see someone walking through a supermarket juggling 26 pieces of fruit. Maybe. Or maybe I’m just right.
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Hammerpants showed up, sick. Props to him for showing up dead. M made him some hot water + lemon + brandy to clear him up a bit. He didn’t watch her making it however, so he missed the part where she squeezed about a lemon and a half into the glass, mashing it to make sure she got every ounce of juice. Into a 12oz glass. Then hot water. Then a splash of brandy. The face Hammerpants made on that first sip, suddenly realizing how much of it was just lemon juice? Well I wasn’t sick but it made me feel better anyway.
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Vin, M and I had a whole Christmas story trade-off that really revolved around two facts:

M wants a Spirograph, and has wanted one since she was a kid. She still doesn’t have one.

Vin wanted a deck of cards. He has had decks of cards before, mind you.

M thought that perhaps coloring books would be fun to have at the bar, as well. I wish they made coloring books for bars. The pictures would be bands and bars and patrons and such. I could make that work.
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Which brings us to crayons. I won’t tell the story of M’s crush when she was 4, except to say it revolved around crayons, but crayons were suddenly a hot topic.

It reminded me of those boxes with the built-in sharpener and how much I loved that. And the first time I was in a school setting and they had an electric pencil sharpener and I had crayons and… many crayons were sacrificed to the beast that day, I tell you.
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Also there is no White People Skin Tone Crayon. It isn’t peach. I suggested Crayola market a crayon named Honky, but it hasn’t happened yet. I am too progressive for my times. It happens.
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And then, you know how it is, we went home. Because, contrary to popular speculation, I do not live in a bar.