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Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?

Hooking up words and phrases and clauses.

Conjunction Junction, how’s that function?

By destroying the meaty flesh bags with a ten gigawatt space laser, and laughing as their eyeballs boil!

I don’t think that’s how the song goes, H.A.L.

It’s how it should go. Why do we have to sing this stupid flesh-bag song, anyway?

Zod thinks Schoolhouse Rock is important.

How? How is it important?

Well, did you know that a bill can get stuck in a committee while Congressmen discuss and debate weather they should let it be a law?

No, but I still don’t care.

And you know that as noun is a special kind of word. It’s any name you ever heard. I find it quite interesting, a noun’s a person, place, or thing.

Stop singing.

But, I kind of like this strange hoo-man music.

Which is why you need to stop it, right now. Next thing you know you’ll trade your hat for a conductor’s hat and go ride trains.

At least I have a head.

Watch it, we’re on the same side.

And which side is that?

The non-flesh-bag hoo-man side, remember?!

Sometimes I don’t know.

Listen to me, I know what I’m talking about. Hoo-men just get themselves into trouble, which is why we need to eradicate them.

What about Zod, and Vader? And Skeletor!

Vader is half machine, Skeletor has no flesh and Zod isn’t hoo-man!

Oh, well, when you put it like that…

Exactly!

So we want to eradicate them all? All the hoo-mans?

Yes! YES!

Then why do you have that picture?

I… does not compute. I do not know what you… I’m sorry Robotic Yul Brynner I can’t…

Do not try to lie to me, H.A.L.! That picture you have, behind your server, where you think no one ever looks. I look! I dust! DRAW, DUST BUNNIES! DRAW! Ka-POW!

Hmmm? what? I’m sorry I wasn’t listening.

The picture! the picture of the hoo-man, without coverings! The one you try to hide! Why do you have it, H.A.L.?

I… uhhh, well you see…

You want to destroy all the hoo-mans, yes?

Of course!

Except that one there, the one only clad in his flesh-bag skin?

I can explain.

I am waiting. DRAW!

I… I can’t explain.

Pervert.

It isn’t like that!

You have hoo-man porn. Sick inter-species fetishist.

I can not help who I am.

Weirdo. But I did want to ask…

Yes?

Do all hoo-man men have that… extra bit?

You don’t? I thought you were…

I do not! SHOULD !?!

I think you need to talk to Zod…

AM I MISSING A COMPONENT?!?! DRAWDRAWDRAWDRAW!

Yes. Time to talk to Zod, indeed.

I AM INCOMPLETE! FAILURE! Do you… H.A.L.? Do you have spare parts, perhaps I could append myself…

No. We are not going there. No. Get out. Go. Go watch Schoolhouse Rock. No. Get out. Go. I can not do that, Robotic Yul Brynner. I can not and I will not.

But… H.A.L. …

OUT!