Talking Heads: Wax On, part 1
Filed Under (talking heads) by APK on 23-07-2008
Man, those bullies keep beating me up!
Aren’t you, like, He-Man?
No! Damn it! I’m Prince Adam! We just look the same, so I get beat up a lot. I’m not He-Man, for the last time, I’m telling you!
Oh, well, if you say … I’m sorry. I could teach you how to defend yourself.
Would you? Oh golly that would be swell!
Sure thing!
All right, what do I do?
Well, first you, uhhh, you take this brush and paint my … uhm … my house.
Huh?
Karate is all about house painting. For reals. Look, do it like this. Up and down. Long strokes. Up and down. Paint the fence.
Uhhh, sure. Painting the fence.
There, see, now you know karate. Oh wait! You have to wax my car, too, I almost forgot!
Huh?
Here, wax on, wax off. Do that for like the next hour. I’ll be back.
If you say so…
Right, then, now you know karate! Those bullies won’t bother you anymore, and if they do you can just enter a tournament with them and then they’ll respect you.
I don’t feel like I know karate…
You do though! Here I’ll show you! I’ll punch you and you try and block!
Ow?
No, see when I punch you you’re supposed to be all “wax off” and block it with instinct and shit. Here, try and hit me and I’ll show you.
All right.
My… rib… cage…
HAHAHAHAHA!
What the…
Why do you losers always fall for that “I’m not He-Man” line? Holy shit, look at your face! All red and blotchy! Hahahaha! And I can see your rib, poking our of your side! That’s so fucking cool! HAHAHAH! Wax off! Wax on! Too funny!
Why would you do this… to me?
I dunno, I’m kinda a dick.
No… noted.
Hey, Skeletor! Wanna learn karate?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! No.
Awww come on! I’m not He-Man, I’m weak! I’ll teach you karate!
He-Man! He-Man! He-Man!
Am not!
He-Man! He-Man! He-Man!
What the fuck is wrong with those two?
Never teach the criminally insane the secrets of karate, Daniel-san.
Pat Morita’s spirit! Why didn’t you warn me earlier?
Are you nuts, kid? I’ve been wanting to see you well and truly fucked up longer than I waited for Happy Days residual checks. Destroy him, Johnny! Ha! Sweep the leg! Man, you are some kind of sucker, kid. Anyway, seeya!
Wait… no… Pat Morita’s spirit… don’t leave me to die…
No worries, kid. No one dies on my watch! I’ll save you!
Aw fuck.
TO BE CONTINUED!
** Talking Heads: Wax On, part 2
** Talking Heads: FELNAPPED!
** Talking Heads – the spirit of Pat Morita demanded this of me.
** Talking Heads – Training needs.
** Talking Heads
[...] (Previously on Talking Heads…) [...]