Many people ask me about collaboration. How do D.J. Kirkbride and I manage to work together on so many things and yet have them all be of such smooth, well-roasted flavor? The answer, my friends, might surprise you.

You see, D.J. and I write comics together. They haven’t seen print yet (waiting on art, but the scripts keep getting a green light from our editor … so) but you need to understand that we have a complex and interesting creative process.

It isn’t all rock star parties and moonwalking down the street. No. Certainly those things play their part, but the real creative mind-meld, the true honing of our craft, starts with a simple phone call. It goes something like this:

Hey man, I had an idea.

Hit me.

Well, it’s about a guy.

I like guys.

Huh.

No, I mean I like… stories… about… guys… just, yes I like guys. Go on, sir!

Well this guy, he could be tragic. Maybe his parents were killed while he watched and so he goes nuts and decides to fight crime.

Interesting, and wholly original. Continue! Wait! Would he wear a suit of some sort? While he did this?

Well, I thought so. But I wasn’t sure what. It should be something that would terrify criminals.

Handcuffs!

Buh?

Giant handcuffs. He could dress up like a pair of giant handcuffs. It would mean an exposed mid-riff I guess, and the chain for the pair would dangle a bit suggestively but still!

Handcuffs?

What criminal likes to be in handcuffs, sir? None.

Sir, I submit you are correct and yet, also very much not. Maybe he could dress like something horror-based. Like Dracula, but not Dracula, you know he could dress like something Dracula turns into…

FOG!

I don’t…

He could dress up in a giant white fluffy outfit! Foggy Man could strike fear into the hearts of millions!

I thought… I mean maybe something like a bat?

A bat?! Ridiculous! What would he do? Have rabies? SUPER RABIES?!

Well what would, uhhh, Foggy Man do, sir?

He would… I mean… listen fog is scary!

Is it?

I GOT LOST IN FOG ONCE!

Right. Bat Man it is.

Rabies man. Fine, we’ll do Rabies Man.

BAT Man.

Whatever, sir. Now what does Rabies Man do?

He fights, you know, he fights crime.

With?

A car?

A fast car?

Yes!

A car with a mustache on front?

What? I …. YES! MUSTACHE CAR!

POWERED BY BURRITOS!

Fuck! Fuck that bat idea. BURRITO MUSTACHE CAR!

It could crush the evil beneath its wheels, and then cover them in cheese.

Truly dishing out vengeance!

HAhahaha! Score!

But where’s the story, I mean, with the other, the Bat Man idea we had a character, this is just a car, how long can we…

Picture the car. Picture it in your head. Sir, we could simply have that car drawn once every page and the book would sell.

Still, we should have a story.

Ok, all right, I suppose, yes yes fine! Well, maybe the car could belong to an old lady. And she doesn’t know what it is. She thinks it’s a Pinto, whatever. So she goes out to get groceries and the car goes nuts! KILLING! SQUASHING! COVERING IN CHEESE! And she thinks it’s just that she forgot her meds and has no clue what just happened.

Yesssssssss! We need to do this! We need to do it right now! How long do you think it should be?

A billion pages.

Too long!

48?

Score! All right, so 48 pages about this car… and this old… lady… you sure the Bat Man idea wouldn’t work better?

Who wants to read about a guy dressed as a bat? Now fog? Handcuffs? POSSIBLY! But a bat? Pfft.

All right, I trust you, sir. So the car story then. What should we call it?

FNARGLEBLARGLE HOOPTYDOO!

Uhhh, what?

FNARGLEBLARGLE HOOPTYDOO! No one will see it coming! Shocking! Then they’ll have to pick it up to see what the hell it is!

Why wouldn’t they just ignore it because it was confusing?

I… Well… But… FNARGLEBLARGLE HOOPTYDOO!

Right. We’ll find a title later.

FNARGLEBLARGLE HOOPTYDOO?

No.

Huh. Well, if you insist.

I think that I do. Anyway I need to go. My limo is here.

Limo?!

I’m going out dancing. The club sends a limo for me.

You are one HELL of a dancer, Mister Kirkbride.

And you are one HELL of a… do you have a talent?

Not really. But you go dance. I will make a huge mess with Play-Doh and then chase my cat in circles.

Right! Until later, then!

Good day, sir! Be well!

May the Gods smile upon your pants!

And yours!