My cat can not lie down. I mean, she can obviously lie down, but she won’t just … lie down. She flops. She throws herself down with fury and gusto 99% of the time. It isn’t just reclining, it’s a fucking mission.

She’ll be against my leg, curled up and asleep. Then she’s stand up halfway and think about getting some food. Nope. She’ll turn around some and throw herself against my leg with all her tiny furry might.

“You go,” I’ll often tell her, “you teach that gravity that it can’t pull you, you’re gonna beat it down! 9.8 meters per second squared has nothing on you!” I don’t mind being a bit of a cheerleader for the cat.

Last night, after a few throw downs (the world is her personal WWF ring) she charged up the bed and head butted me. In the face. She enjoys that move. But what she wasn’t expecting was my retaliation.

See she has a thing about someone resting their hand on her butt. Just lay your hand, no pressure, just rest it there, on her butt, right in front of her tail. She’ll look confused for a second, then stop, the glance back, and then throw herself down and demand you rub her tummy. She gets very confused when that all happens.

So she ended up curled against my chest, while I laid on my side, and I fell back asleep.

Until she decided to kind turn, which necessitated her throwing herself back down with force. Against my chest.

I grabbed her ear in my mouth in frustration. She huffed and started to walk away. I put my hand on her butt. She flopped back down. We both ended up going back to sleep.

Welcome to 4am at my house.