So I saw the cover to Flash #247. I had to add some text that, to me, sums up what the issue is all about:

How come no one told me Miike had a new film out and that it was a WESTERN?! Well, I mean, Kirkbride told me, which is how I found out, so he gets a pass, but the rest of you! For shame!

It’s time for a general update type of thing. Where I am, what’s planned, what’s out, where to stalk me – all that good stuff. So let’s go!

Last week I put all of High Noon of the Living Dead online for free reading. Also out there is Crazy Little Thing. Both stories are in the collection Crazy Little Things. And yeah, I do ask if you enjoy either story you consider picking up a copy of the whole book.

And if you do, I will be grateful. And if you don’t, well I hope you enjoyed the stories anyway. Whatever works for you.

Upcoming works include, but are in no way limited to:

• January ‘09 – The start of a new project that will be ongoing. And exciting. But I can’t announce it yet.
• March ‘09 – The Complete Strange Angel comes out. All 3 novellas in one volume plus some extra material. Actually a fair amount of extra material. Almost a whole new novellas worth. Because I love you. Also Jungles Are For Dieing In – an Angela Cooke Adventure comes out that same month! Big, exciting month.
• Strange Angel was a fun project – taking bits of what made Buffy work and changing the hell out of the rules. No one is safe, death always counts and punches hurt.
• Angela Cooke is … well it’s set in the 50s. Think Indiana Jones, without the reason. Consider Doc Savage, the old pulps, the fun and non-stop action and adventure. All in the hands of a woman who simply has too much fun finding new ways to get out of trouble to stop and consider not getting into it in the first place.
• August ‘09 – Tentative date for Stays Crunchy in Milk.

There are other things going on in-between March and August. Just not sure of where they are, exactly, so I won’t mention them yet. I am planning on being at New York ComicCon (Feb 6-8), LunaCon (March 20-22), San Diego ComicCon (July 23-26) and I think that’s it for the year. I may also stop by Balticon and Horrorfind, but we will see what funds and time permit. I also plan to be in Ohio for a week during summer ‘09. But that’s not a big eventy thing, that’s for relaxin’, so if you wanna stalk me there you have to buy me drinks, too.

Where to find me: Well right here of course. Also: MySpace, Twitter, Flickr and FaceBook. You can also read my stuff over at the footnote.

And that does it. For now.

Still sick, so all you get is two awesome cat videos. One cat a-flushing and then two cats a-treadmilling.

Friday night I got home and felt a bit scratchy. I shrugged it off and went to bed. Then I got up Saturday and realized I was sick. It’s trying to settle into my lungs. Doing the whole extra vitamin, juice, soup, tea regimen and trying to sleep more but sleep isn’t working. I’m doing like 2 hours asleep and 2 hours up all night.

the biggest problem is that my brain is utterly clogged by the stupid. I can’t focus, at all. At all. So if you are waiting for pages from me, they won’t be there today. Of course this is a busy week coming up and I can’t afford to slack on it or miss any of it, so this will be interesting.

Anyway, just that. Sick.

Oh fuck it. I was going to save this news until Monday but I can’t. I just can’t.

Yup. Now, of course, I have two books coming out before the novel does. Those hit March. But…

August 2009.

Creative Guy Publishing (them what gave you Installing Linux on a Dead Badger and Brine as well as lots of other stuff) will release:

Many more details to follow over the next 11 months.

Why are you guys carrying picket signs?

Don’t you know what today is?

Stupid fleshbag!

Jeez, Shatner, how could you forget?

Lemme see those signs. What? So what if it’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day?

So what? DRAW!
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“There they are,” Edward said over his shoulder. “They don’t move too fast, and slower still when they have captives, but there are at least three of them for each of us. I am reminded of Custer, except he wasn’t on the move and the Brainers don’t have arrows. Also, we’ll win.”

“That is the general idea, Eddie,” Franklin said and then turned to face us, stopping our walk. “Here’s the thing. The captives won’t be much help to us. They’ll want to be but they’re weak and hungry by now. Which makes them a threat to themselves, really.”

“So we should separate them and get them clear,” Edward put in, “except that leaves us down a few men, doesn’t it?”

“It does. So here’s what we were thinking. If we can break their circle and round up the captives then…”
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I realized I had never seen these two merged before, so I did it myself.

“Destro! Sweep the leg!”
“But sir…”
“Do you have a problem?”
“No, sir! COOOOOOBRA!”

Politeness and respect

I have determined, through a completely unscientific study, that everyone deserves a base level of respect when you first meet them. From then they either earn respect or lose it. But you all start as a default position in the middle somewhere. Which gets you called sir. It’s a basic sign of respect. It’s also a matter of being polite. I try to generally be polite.

Now sometimes, I admit, my idea of polite is a very NY thing. It might not seem polite, at times, but it is. I hold doors for people, I call them sir, I generally try to act like a civilized being. It makes the world smoother. That little extra second you take being polite to someone can and will spread very often, and it improves everyone’s day. The more everyone achieves a base level of politeness the less stress there is.

Now, if you have given me reason to stop being polite I certainly will. But you will also generally know when that happens. I am not, to be fair, subtle about it. Generally if I have no need to be polite to you I will simply tell you to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. But you have to work at getting me to be that anti-polite. It isn’t easy. It’s a career, I think.

Variations

I do call everyone sir. I also use boss and chief. They mean the same thing but you quickly realize that some people consider being called sir an insult. They think you’re making fun of them, as if only rich people can be sir’d or some shit, or that, generally, calling someone sir is a way of insulting them by mockingly giving them respect. I don’t do that, but I do recognize it. So I also find myself using boss and chief a lot. I want to call it a NY thing but it isn’t, not really.

The trick is learning beforehand when each is appropriate. Someone doing something for you is boss. Someone getting someone else to do something for you is chief. In general. Rule of thumb. Some people prefer one over the other, and as you get to know them you can switch or, better yet I find, ease them into being sir’d. Because at heart people like being called sir. It makes them feel good. It makes them feel respected, which they, in fact, are.

Feminizing

This is always a problem. Some people have a problem with Ma’am, Madame, miss. But then they also have a problem with being called sir. This leaves me in a bit of a quandary at times. Then I shrug and use what feels right for the person. Normally Ma’am, sir, boss or chief. But it does leave me in a bit of a lurch. There seems to be no overall good answer for this.

Which isn’t to say…

Mind you I also curse like a sailor. It was mentioned recently that I literally had a series of sentences where every other word was motherfucker. This was not abnormal. Keep in mind I am still polite. I just also curse. It isn’t from some lack of vocabulary, or from not knowing what else to say. It is just who I am and how I speak. I can turn it off instantly, if I need to. At the opera (Untrue, actually, Wagner always gets a motherfucker out of me at some point.) or at work or around a lot of children or… well you know sometimes it isn’t polite to curse.

But mostly, yeah I am a cursing motherfucker. What the fuck can I say? It’s life.

Overall

Politeness is contagious. Calling people sir, consistently, works better than dude, or man or most other things. It makes the world a tiny bit brighter. It also, to let you in on a secret, opens the door for the single most effective conversation stopped known to man.

Say someone is going on and you are done. You are sick of it and you need to walk away before you put the serving tray through one of his lobes. You aren’t sure what to say. Cursing him out will just make it worse, but the general niceties aren’t working either. He isn’t getting the hint at all. Motherfucker can’t shut it.

So you look at him. You hold up a hand, palm forward. And you say:

Good day, sir!

The “good” needs to explode out of you, like a bullet. Say it forcefully but quick. Firmly. 9 times out of 10 it will stop them cold. Then without another word you turn and walk away.

But what if that 10th time happens? They keep going and don’t listen? Well then you have no choice at all.

I said GOOD DAY!

You bark that at them, not meanly, not cruelly, just flatly and to make them understand that you weren’t fucking around, and then you turn and walk away without another word. It always works. Always.

Anyway…

Good day, sir!