JEM! I’m gonna live forever! I’m gonna learn how to fly! HIGH!

I feel it coming together! People will see me and cry! JEM!

That’s not how that…

It’s my theme song all right, Brucie?

No, it’s the lyrics to Fame, by Irene Cara, except you seem to just replace “Fame” with your name.

No, it’s like Iron Man’s theme song, how he can do whatever an iron can?

No, that’s just… never mind. But regardless. People will see you and cry? That’s what you want?

Well!

I mean, that’s what I want. It’s what I train for. “Hey, criminal,” I growl, “do you want two broken legs, or just one?” and then if I do it right, they cry.

Uhm…

Sometimes they wet themselves, too. Or crap their pants. Had to plastic line the Batmobile for easy hose downs.

But…

I make Robin do that though.

No, see, all right, in the song, “People will see me and cry” is due to … they cry, you see, because they are overwhelmed by how good I am.

Ahh you induce depression. They’ll never live up to you, never be as good, so they cry.

Huh? No…

Yeah, I made the Atom do that once. “Oh, look I can shrink,” he said. “And I can put you in my bat-belt and fucking use you like a smoke grenade later, you tiny fuck. I’m Batman.” and he wept. He wept good.

No, that isn’t…

I mean I felt kind of bad, because he was a teammate? But still. Sometimes you gotta make a grown man cry to really prove your own worth. So yeah I get it.

No, they’re just supposed to be overwhelmed by the majesty and beauty of my singing, it moves them to tears, the beauty of it. That’s all.

Hrm?

It’s so wonderful they can’t help but weep at the skill involved.

This is stupid.

It isn’t stupid!

It is, and you’re singing the wrong song anyway.

You’re just mad because your theme song is what again? Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na?

BATMAN! BATMAN! See? Catchy. Simple. Easy for the kids.

It’s sort of … lame, really.

You think? I thought it was catchy.

No, really it’s not.

You know what it’s better than, though?

Wha?

When Captain America throws his mighty shield!

All those who chose to oppose his shield must yield!

If he’s lead to a fight and a duel is due!

Then the red and white and the blue’ll come through!

When Captain America throws his mighty shield!

If it’s lame then why did we sing the whole thing?

Well, it’s still lame.

No it isn’t.

Yeah it is. If he’s lead to a fight and a duel is due?

Then my shit’ll come through. What’s the problem. My entire song is basically four lines about how if you fuck with me I’ll mess your shit up.

Well…

Point.

But your song? That na-na-na stuff? That says what? “If you get in my way I’ll call Sha-Na-Na and they’ll harmonize you until you give up?” I don’t think so.

Ha!

Oh don’t start, you were singing the theme from Fame with the wrong lyrics.

I was not!

Yeah, you were. Does this ring a bell? Hit it Batty!

Jem!

Jem is excitement.

Ooh Jem!

Jem is adventure.

Ooh.

Glamour and glitter, fashion and fame.

JEM!

Jem is truly outrageous.

Truly, truly, truly outrageous!

Woah, Jem!

Jem!

The music’s contagious!

Outrageous!

Jem is my name, no one else is the same!

Jem is my name!

Holy… you’re right that is my theme song. So that other one was?

FAME!

And the Iron Man song?

Spider-Man.

Does whatever a Spider can, spins a web, any size…

Has a frail aunt, hard on the eyes.

Cold.

Gonna cry?

Here we go again…