Remember when you read comics as a kid and you would see those ads for Hostess Fruit Pies? You know, those wonderful strange things that came in colored waxy paper and purported to be real fruit pies, single serve? These:

So anyway, they used to run these ads in comics where the bad guy would be robbing a bank or whatever and then the hero would throw some Hostess fucking Fruit Pies at them. The bad guy would be so distracted by the delicious damned pie that they would get easily caught.

But you know that was never really the end of it. I mean you have to figure: in order to throw handfuls of these pies to villains all over town the heroes had to have millions of them. Hideouts filled to the brim with waxy colored paper and chemical pies. A veritable pie-valanche waiting to happen.

And what do you think happened at home? Spider-Man, home late from fighting crime, forgot to make dinner. He sees a closet full of pie. What do you think he does? He has some pie.

Batman and Robin get back to the Batcave really late and Alfred is asleep. They can’t be bothered to make tea and crumpets. They grab a handful of waxy papered pie and chow down.

And so what?

I’ll tell you what! Eventually those fruit pies take their toll. Batman doesn’t swing quite as gracefully. Robin looks a bit embarrassed to wear short pants… oh hell just look:

Beware too many Hostess Fruit Pies. I’m just saying. Be careful out there. Robin agrees with me.