I love Jess. She’s … everything that is right and wrong with humanity, all rolled up into one hyper bundle of awesome. She also married an amazing guy. Who is anti-social. Damn it. But I love N, too. Anyway! Sometimes we talk. And then … we have conversations like the one we just had. It started with the discussions of my last post, and then my wondering why no one had made a porno of Driving Miss Daisy. They have, Jess found, called “Driving Miss Daisy Crazy,” which we both felt was a poor, poor showing of a title. And so we discussed it.

APK: Felching Miss Daisy doesn’t scan right.

Jess: Drilling Miss Daisy?

APK: Too Alaska. Dry-humping Miss Daisy?

Jess: Driving It Home in Miss Daisy?

APK: Or we could go a different way with it: “Let’s Fuck Old People.”

Jess: Dude.

APK: Wrinkled and Horny, Decrepit & Erected!

Jess: Help I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get It Up.

APK: Dude, Where’s My Vagina Again?

Jess: Which Hole Does That Go In?

APK: No that’s from My First Porno, by Sony, along with “Why does Mr. One Eye Love to Cry?”

Jess: My personal favorite: “Everybody Tries Anallingus!”

APK: Anallingus … wasn’t he on Star Trek? “Spock, let’s go visit Anallingus.” “Yes, Captain.”

Jess: Yes, but on Deep Space 9, so no one remembers him.

APK: He was the deep space.