This week’s round of internet drama was nothing more than the most recent in a long chain of these things that I can, if I can date myself, remember as far as the early 90s. I am sure a lot of you can, too. Which isn’t to say that this wasn’t important, or that others may have been. No.

It is, however, to say that maybe, just once in all this time, people could not fucking jump the gun and freak the fuck out at the drop of a god-damned hat. I mean seriously! From the jump I heard about how Amazon should have execs there all weekend just in case something happens because the internet is open all the time. Even though it was a holiday weekend, to boot. Now, seriously? Do you really think that’s a good idea? Money-wise? Smart? Reasonable? Of course not. But there you go.

And every time someone put forth another potential piece of the puzzle was it considered rationally? By a few. But also widely dismissed as covering up some horrible lie that they hated teh gays. Yes, Amazon, with it’s internal GBLT org for staff, the monolith company that has never done anything like this ever, suddenly switched gears ON YOU. They did it because they hate you, they’re out to get you, they think your ass looks fat in those jeans and they raped your cat when you weren’t home. And even now … shit I had people who were “going to boycott until they apologize” well they did, but then instead it was “until they fixed it” … really? All the books? Do you have a full list? Is it just the few books you care about, then, that matter? Or are you looking for an excuse?

Every time some policy goes nuts, some mistake happens or odd things get reported half the world seems to run around as if they have been set fire to, personally. Twitter doesn’t help, let me tell you. People come up with cute hash tags, post a bit of panic and a quick URL that most people don’t click on, and there you go. Then it gets re-tweeted and still no one has sought context. And don’t tell me you don’t need context! If the people you were pissed at, whomever they are this time, acted without context you would want to set them on fire and drag their grandmother through the pits of hell. Hold your own stupid ass to your own standards.

Just because something is important needs to be brought to the attention of folk, lest it be critical, doesn’t mean you should flip out about it. And really how long until the boy who cried wolf? I mean I can set my clock by the latest internet drama. I can tell you how it resolves – before it does, and generally – just like everyone else because this crap is that obvious – it’s right. Like rain in Orlando. It’s obvious, but it gets old.

But no. There are t-shirts already, on this one, so it’s good to know people will make money off your panic and will continue, regardless of apologies or fixing, to hold this against them forever. Because that helps.

Again, I’m no saying ignore it, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t boycott something but at least be consistent and try to remain calm. Spreading panic and fear is something that everyone who does it themselves seems to be against. So why do it? Why is that not a valid concept?

Nahhhhh. Jumping on bullshit bandwagons while setting fire to things and screaming about how things are suddenly ON FIRE and how could that happen and feeling like you’re extra oppressed today is way more fun

Carry on, Intardwebs.

Edit: I wasn’t kidding. Someone is making shirts and shit off this. Worse? They use the phrase “2 queer 2 sexy,” which is like, a Vin Diesel porn movie. So crap fear mongering bullshit merchendise that is also unaccountably badly worded. And you wonder why I hate.