Sometimes a camera angle can change everything, can’t it?

And then I saw this picture of Manson and well … I had to make this:

So this is the last time I’ll post this. Get ready! Here we go!

It’s time once again to extol the virtues of pre-ordering my new novel STAYS CRUNCHY IN MILK. The book comes out August 19th! Still, you can order it right now! Please read the whole post, even if you think you’ve read this all before, there’s new stuff.

First of all PRE-ORDERS END AUGUST 5th! That’s right, one week from today we can accept no more pre-orders. Not if we want to get them out in a reasonable fashion.

Except pre-ordering gets you a free gift and entered into a contest. So. All the ordering info, details about extras and special editions is at the end of the post. But first what’s the book about?

It’s a road novel. A fairy tale for my generation. It’s about hope, and friends and life and it stars Wereberry the strawberry werewolf, Choco-Ra the chocolate mummy, The Creature From the Fruit Lagoon (his friends call him “T.C.”). Because that’s just how I roll, yo.

It’s a pop culture extravaganza, but that isn’t the point of it. No. I mean, yeah if you like it when I sit and go “Wait, the Transformers WHAT?!” then you’ll love this book. But, also, if you like it when I talk about my past, life in general, and why people rule? Then you’ll really love this book. It’s me at my most honest, really.

What do other people think of the book?

This is my kind of book! Stays Crunchy In Milk is that rare story with both heart and substance. Adam Knave deftly reexamines the pop cultural elements of his childhood then reshapes them into wondrous things both familiar and new. Knave’s engrossing story transforms his love for his early memories into an exciting adventure novel. Its narrative swept me right along. I really cared about what happened next. Two thumbs up from me. Four paws up from Roger Rabbit. — Gary K. Wolf, Creator of Roger Rabbit

An imaginative work that uses pop culture icons in a highly entertaining way. A fine example that fun stories need not fit into one specific genre. — Alan Kistler, Comic Book Historian, MTV.COM

There exists a world that we all know and love, yet have never truly seen before. Adam gives a first glimpse of this fantastic land full of familiar characters and opens the door wide for everyone to join along for fun and adventure! — Chris Giarrusso, author/illustrator of G-MAN and MINI MARVELS

Still not convinced? Fair enough! You can also read the first four chapters for free!

Go ahead and read chapter one, chapter two, chapter three and chapter four now!

Now, I said something about contests and extras and special editions?

ALL PREORDERS will be entered in the contest. That’s all you have to do, preorder the book. And what could you get?

FIRST PRIZE: A special, one-of-a-kind print (full color) by Renato Pastor (artist of Legend of the burrito Blade) depicting YOU with the main characters of the novel. Printed on archival paper and framed for you.

SECOND PRIZE: A special, one-of-a-kind print (black and white) by Renato Pastor depicting YOU with the main characters of the novel. Printed on good archival paper.

THIRD PRIZE: Tuckerization of YOU into Volume Two of Legend of the Burrito Blade, likeness and first name. And I don’t mean just a one-off. I mean a top tier secondary character who is important to the plot.

ALL PREORDERS will also have their copies signed. They will also come with a separate art print by Renato Pastor. How nifty is that? Buy a book and get it signed and also get free art!

Also note that the drop-down that is about to happen has choices. The paperback version is $16.95 if you’re in the US. If you need it shipped to CAN it is $18.95 and if you are in the UK (or really anywhere not US/CAN) is it $21.95. (all prices include shipping, obvs)

HOWEVER! There is also a special, limited edition hardcover. Only 34 copies will ever be printed. We’ve been selling them so if you want one now is the time. The hardcover is $49.995 and will ship for free anywhere in the world. The hardcover gets you the same extra print, is signed, numbered and enters you in the contest.

Some people are asking what to get me for my birthday. All I want is for you to buy a copy of this book. Seriously. That’s what I want most for my birthday. I want people to buy this and read it. And talk about it. Mention it to your friends. If you have already pre-ordered a copy and still want to get me something for my birthday – buy a copy for a friend, or convince a friend to buy their own damn copy. Yes, this book means that much to me.

Why do I love Attack of the Show? Here’s one reason – a fake trailer for a dark, gritty Inspector Gadget movie.

(via The hollywood Reporter) As rodents prove surprisingly likable on the big screen, the studio is developing a feature version of the award-winning children’s tale “Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.”

Director Neil Burger (“The Illusionist”) is in talks to write the screenplay, and former Walden exec Cary Granat is on board to produce.

A pic would be the second theatrical go-round for the book, which MGM brought to the screen in 1982 as the animated “The Secret of NIMH,” directed by Don Bluth.

Robert C. O’Brien’s “Rats of NIMH” won the Newbery Medal in 1972 and has been a staple in children’s bookstores and libraries since. The story centers on a mouse — the titular Mrs. Frisby, re-named Mrs. Brisby in the MGM movie — faced with a crisis when her son falls ill and she must move her family to escape a farmer’s plow.

Mrs. Frisby enlists a group of former lab rats, whom she soon discovers run a highly evolved society, who possess advanced technologies and divide labor in the manner of a human community.

Formerly relegated to sidekick status, rodents have recently come into their own as leading, er, men. This weekend “G-Force,” which centers on a mission undertaken by a group of CG guinea pigs, took the boxoffice cheese, earning $32 million and besting holdover “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

Those familiar with “NIMH” noted, however, that the material had elements of a parable and reflected more serious ideas than the comparatively light comedy of “G-Force.”

It’s likely the new “NIMH” would combine live-action and animation in the manner of “Alvin & the Chipmunks” and other kiddie hybrids.

Granat is a family-fare veteran, producing pics at Walden that include “Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D” and serving as exec producer in the first pic in the “Spy Kids” franchise.

“NIMH” would be Burger’s first foray into family fare. The CAA-repped writer-director’s previous work includes the Ed Norton period magician tale “The Illusionist” and the Tim Robbins post-Iraq pic “The Lucky Ones.” He’s also on board to write the “Bride of Frankenstein” reboot at Universal.”

Welcome to the LOLNazi. This may be one of the oddest tattoos ever. Which also means it might be a photoshop thing, and not real. But I think it is real. Here’s my logic: Even if this is a fake people have seen it and someone, somewhere, decided to do it for real. So it is real. Because that’s how people are.

It makes you wonder who got it or would get it. What they thought they were trying to say, what their point was. Besides that holocausts are funny, or uhm, that the ROFLCopter can’t lift off from Dachau?

Someone set us up the White Supremacist. Make your time?

I mean it has to be photoshop, but as I maintained, I also firmly believe someone out there has this tattoo.

Huh.

A transforming addendum:

Hammerpants mentioned something yesterday that sparked even more rage. He asked why they transformed into older cars instead of their future vehicles from Cybertron. Well, I mean, duh, to disguise themselves.

But then I thought about it. On Cybertron, why did they transform? Think about it. They lived on a planet with only giant robots. So … I mean …

What the fuck?!

Think about it! Who were the future cars for? No one! So they transformed into vehicles on their home planet so that they could, uhm, hide? Look, if your planet is nothing but transforming robots and there are six cars in the parking lot which one is a transformer?

ALL OF THEM!

Not great hiding, that.

And again I ask why turn into a vehicle? No one was driving, so why did they have cockpits? Bear wasn’t even driving! And the whole “Well they could load stuff into the cab of their trunk and then carry it” – good fuck invent the box all ready. Maybe the handtruck?

Stupid fucking robots.

What the shit is up with Transformers and go-Bots? I mean aside from the usual nonsense. All right, I have three big issues just this second and they apply to both bunches of robots that are, wouldn’t you know it, in some for is shape-shifting disguise.

First of all, all these fucking robots fly all the time. Just in their basic robot forms. They all fly. All the time. No propulsion visible, nothing – nope they just damn well fly. And yet! And fucking yet, a bunch of them transform into jets or helicopters or some shit. Why? Why the hell would you be all “Hey, I can fly, but I’ll transform into something else that flies!”

It isn’t like they ever had a dogfight. Ariel combat for these big dumb robots was generally flying in a straight line or turning a little bit. If anything they seemed somehow more maneuverable as robots. What? I know! It’s crazy! And don’t tell me that they flew faster as jets. The flames we see, that in cartoons signal jet powa! are in their motherfuckin’ feet! Fools! If that’s faster just turn them on when you’re a robot.

Don’t tell me they can’t. Watch Transformers or some Go-Bots. I’ll wait. Back? All right, you know what they do? They transform back into robots and fire their foot jets to land. Why? I don’t know because they can fucking fly when robots but apparently sometimes they forget this. Still. They can use the damn jets whenever. But they don’t.

All right, that covers the first big “What the fuck is wrong with this picture” moment for me but I want to move on to the other one. The really useless, odd, fucking transformer things. This was pretty much all Transformers. Go-Bots never got beyond one or two basic vehicle concepts. No, the Transformers got fucking strange.

Like there’s one that can transform into a microscope. I am not gonna look up his name. I don’t care that much about him, as a robot. But let’s call him UselessFuck. We see that their optics can zoom in, again all the time, but this bad-ass has to go and make his entire shtick that same ability. Use. Less.

Then you have Megatron, who transforms into something that needs to be used by someone else. How incredibly silly is that? He becomes a gun. A hand gun. Christ, that’s the meaning of heartbreak, isn’t it? The Decepticons want to revolt all they have to do is pop the clip, slide off the barrel and leave the dismantled fucker on the ground. Good going, boss man.

And then we come to Night Train. Or Astro Train. Whatever it was. I think Night Train is a malt liquor, which means he was probably Astro Train. Now this fool transformed into two modes. A train and a space shuttle. Wait, what? Imagine how this goes in battle:

“Night Train, quick we have to go!”

“That’s Astro Train, Night Train is a malt liquor!”

“What ever, dumb ass. Leaving. Us. Now!”

“So? What can I do?”

“Transform into a train!”

“Do you see tracks anywhere?”

“Oh, well uhhh space shuttle?”

“Do I transform a launch pad or booster rockets? Nuh uh.”

“Shit can you transform into some god damned malt liquor then? Might be more useful!”

“Fuck you, you turn into a hand gun!”

Yah that’s right, he is perfectly useless in both forms – unless they’re escaping Cape Canaveral or happen to be right near some train tracks going exactly where they need to go. Handy guy, that one.

But really here’s where this whole thing burns me. We established they can all damn well fly, right? But fully half of these robots, Transformers and Go-Bots, transform into cars and trucks. Note I didn’t say flying cars and trucks. Nope. They transform into things that limit their ability. Well that’s smart, isn’t it? Why would you do that? What kind of handicap is that and how does it make sense from a whole “defeating the bad guys and saving the planet” angle? To give up a crucial ability? To what end? You look like a Porsche?

Fuck the Porsche. Fly, motherfuckers! Fly free!

I had a choice between, say, taking the bus and flying under my own power I would not be taking a bus, all right? But the Go-Bots and Transformers not only take the bus, they go out of their stupid-ass way to become the bus in the first place.

How did this go down, do you think?

“Optimus Prime, hey Optimus?”

“Yes, Ironside? Ironside? Michael Ironside? You transform into a fine actor!”

“No, Ironhide, you idiot.”

“Oh, my bad. What is it?”

“Well, I was thinking. I transform into a minivan, right? But, like, what if we’re driving on a cliff and the Decepticons shoot the cliff out from under us?”

“Why, we transform into robots and fly to safety!”

“Right. About that. See, I was thinking, maybe if I didn’t transform into something ground-based, slow and lumpy I could be more effective. Like, we could transform into things that flew! Then we wouldn’t need to go back and forth just to save ourselves from falling all the time.”

“Don’t be stupid. That isn’t how it works.”

“Why not?”

“Shut the fuck up. I’m Optimus Prime, you minivan motherfucker. Shit. You should be so lucky to transform into Michael Ironsides. That guy can act.”

“Can he fly, too? Because if so, I would happily switch.”

And don’t tell me that they transformed to hide or fit in or some shit. Because last I knew minivans don’t shoot lasers. They never hid. First episode they’re found by humans. “In disguise” my ass. So why not just be robots? Flying, laser shooting, bad-ass robots?

More than meets the eye. Right. If by “more” you mean “so much dumber” or “drunker” or perhaps “less able.”

Transformers. Less able than meets the eye. Transformers. Robots in useless disguise. Autobots wage their far too complex and militarily unsound battle to destroy the evil and yet somehow even dumber forces of the Decepticons.

I know it doesn’t scan. But it also doesn’t fucking transform into malt liquor, all right?

Jupe shared this with me. According to her it is a real old Canadian ad for kids. Oh, Canada! Don’t put it in your mouth, as sung by two freakish puppets.