The Greatest Gift Ever

Yesterday I got a gift in the mail. Ariana sent it and hailed it as The Greatest Gift Ever. That was a lot to live up to, which is part of the fun. I had to, for example, decide if I wanted to open it or leave it as a mystery. As a mystery it could always be The Greatest Gift Ever, but once opened it might end up not living up to itself. These are the choices that plague us.

I opened it, of course. And it was the Greatest Gift Ever. What could it possibly be, you wonder. I will tell you. It is a DVD. A DVD called The Wonderful World of Kittens!

I might be the only person in the world to have seen this DVD. Let me explain, if you think I am being sarcastic, why this is the Greatest Gift Ever. I am not being sarcastic. At all.

See, on the first pass of thought this DVD is like YouTube, but always there and no loading times and a better picture. Who doesn’t love cat videos? Kittens playing and such? Everyone loves them. And yes, I am sure someone will now want to post the latest and greatest, that 17 second surprised kitten video. Sure. But this isn’t that. It’s a bunch of kittens, with a lot of Molly, the kitten on the cover, just being kittens.

They play with jingly balls. They chase feather things. They pounce and roll around with other toys, or each other or whatever else might be nearby. They’re kittens being kittens. Nothing more, nothing less.

The music is an odd low-fi selection of electronica and Grateful Dead sounding instrumental stuff. Like old Spin Doctors instrumentals shot through a lens of drug haze and carnival music. It’s very odd music. Very strange. Slightly disturbing. Oddly captivating.

Plus there’s a bonus round going on here. My cat hates other cats. Hates them with a passion. So I put this thing on my TV and sit back at my desk to half pay attention and check it out while I do other stuff. Kenzie sees it start playing and realizes there is a giant kitten over there.

She spent the next five minutes considering pouncing the TV. She glared, she fumed. Eventually she stalked off to sulk, only to come back quickly and find places to sit that would block my view. I wasn’t allowed to watch those evil cats. She wouldn’t have it. She was the only cat that damn well mattered. Her reaction made the entire affair three times funnier.

The disc itself comes with the cover above and in a pink clamshell case. When you open it… well…

The kitten’s third, laser, eye beams love at you! Or mind control rays, or something. I don’t know but I cackled.

Uhm. Anyway!

There you have it. The Greatest Gift Ever. 45 minutes of kittens. Did I mention it was 45 minutes worth of this sort of strangeness and fun? It is. On DVD. Awwww, yeah.

By Adam P. Knave

Adam P. Knave wrote this, but you knew that, since this is his site. That’s kinda how it works.

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