T-Shirts with Adam and Lauren – Special HOLIDAY edition!

It’s that time again, only different! I like t-shirts. Lauren likes t-shirts. Lauren is also awesome and so we decided to make this post where the following will happen! Lauren picked some t-shirts, and other stuff! I then told her why she picked those shirts. She then told me why I was dumb.

Except this time it is different! This is a holiday guide edition of the game, and as such there are things here that are not shirts. Also this is part one. Part two will be posted by Lauren (featuring things I picked) either tonight or tomorrow at her site. I’ll be sure to let you know when it goes live.

Isn’t this a fun game! I think that it is! Each shirt will have the image of the thing that you can click to go buy that very thing for yourself! We did 9 in this post again. Somehow I thought it was 10. It is 9. Also, this time out, Lauren manages to call me a dickweed. Yeah. We got some holiday spirit, folks.


Adam: You want this just to make tea in it and then run around claiming that tea is somehow better than coffee, don’t you? I’m onto you. Oh yes.

Lauren: But coffee is totally better than tea! Except when it’s not. There isn’t enough really good tea in my life. Also, to quote a fictional man who knows (Giles! He’s British!), tea is soothing. [Sometimes] I wish to be tense.


Adam: But… kittens are NOT poptarts. I… you do know that, right? You don’t put kittens in the toasters – do you? DO YOU LAUREN?!

Lauren: I’m allergic to kittens. I’d have to touch them if I were gonna put them in a toaster, and then I’d be all sneezy. That wouldn’t do at all. ….I mean, OF COURSE NOT, THAT WOULD BE WRONG AND NOT AT ALL LIKE A DELICIOUS TOASTED SHELF-STABLE PASTRY.


Adam: This relates back to your childhood as a founding member of the Neighborhood Monster Watch and Preservation Society, doesn’t it? Back then, little whippersnapper Lauren, pith helmet shoved roughly on your young head. That sea monster turned out to be a water snake that bit your pet parrot, didn’t it? You need to let that go.

Lauren: Adam. I’m not the one who had a pet parrot. That was you.


Adam: Once you have your tote bag you will want to cover it with buttons. Clangy, tippitytappity buttons that you can jinglejangle about while you SHOVE KITTENS INTO TOASTERS!

Lauren: How do you think I’m planning on luring all those kittens into my reach if not with shiny things that jinglejangle? And besides, jinglejangling is a critical part of the Christmas season! You’re not losing your Christmas spirit, are you, Adam?


Adam: Do you make bento lunches, Lauren? It is very trendy right now to do so, you know. And frankly, kinda cool. But VERY trendy. Are you trendsourcing your lunches? Is this your plan?

Lauren: I technically don’t make any food that isn’t baked goods, and even those I don’t really make pretty. Also I’ve never been quite sure what “trendsourcing” means, other than “the person who is saying this word is most likely a tumbling, tumbling dickweed.” I just like ridiculous & tiny boxes! Also they store me-sized portions of food.


Adam: Because you find crumbling bread too complex to do it by hand! No, that’s silly. You just adore the idea of smooshing bread into a panda’s face all day.

Lauren: I can’t even respond to this one cleverly ’cause I’m still laughing too hard from the mental image of cartoon-me smooshing bread in a panda’s face and then getting adorably and cartoonily mauled to death.


Adam: You like this so people can brand their children by fandom. You want to be able to segregate people on sight. That’s it. That’s your crazy plan, isn’t it? Then come the Next Generation Camps! (As a side note, who dresses their baby in a REDSHIRT ONESIE?! What the holy fuck!)

Lauren: All human beings do is segregate people on sight! I just approve of learnin’ kids some sociodemographicism good’n’early. (The answer to your sidenote is: People with either senses of humor or very little foresight.)


Adam: This is every trophy you ever wanted to give out to people, isn’t it? You want a cache of these, in your button covered, monster sighting tote bag to hand out to strangers. Just … *bloink!* here’s a trophy. You are crafty.

Lauren: Sometimes people just need to be reminded about futility by a weighted object with pointy outcroppings moving at a sturdy rate of speed, as though swung from out a convenient tote bag! You know this as well as I.


Adam: You wish to broadcast that you are, or so you say, the answer. I’m not sure what you hope to gain by that move, but I am sure it relates to putting kittens in toasters. Perhaps it is to signify that you want us to think you HAVE all the answers. Yesss…

Lauren: I do have all the answers! What I’m never sure about is the questions. Perhaps if I wear this shirt, some nice passerby will give them to me.

Thus ends Part One of this holiday edition of the guide by Adam and Lauren! Be sure to check out Lauren’s site tonight or tomorrow for part two!

By Adam P. Knave

Adam P. Knave wrote this, but you knew that, since this is his site. That's kinda how it works.

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