Posted by APK in Consumerism Wow | 0 Comments
Consumerism Wow – Jan ’11
It’s time once again for Consumerism Wow! This is a special new year edition. In fact it is part two of a special edition! The first part is over at Lauren’s place, right here. But for now – If you’ve forgotten how this works, it’s simple! I like t-shirts. Lauren likes t-shirts. Lauren is also awesome and so we decided to make this post where the following will happen! I picked some stuff! She then told me why I picked that stuff. I then told her why she was utterly wrong.
Lauren: You are teaching your cat to speak and read English with help from a kitty that she’ll identify with! ….Adam, this is a very bad idea.
Adam: No, it’s a great idea! Then she can stop just mindlessly whining and actually communicate her wants and needs and… all right perhaps this will end badly. But I must try. For science!
Lauren: You want this shirt because you, too, were once just a li’l Elder God with mischief in his heart and naught but an imaginary eldritch horror to keep him company. This is basically a study of your childhood in emerald. Well, in kelly green.
Adam: Never did have a wagon, as a kid. Had to make one out of leftover bones but it never went down the hill right. Sad, when you think about it.
Lauren: Is – is this why you’re teaching your cat how to read? You did not tell me that kitty had to get an eye patch.
Adam: Kitty does not need an eye patch, I would never let my cat be harmed like that! No this is for, uhm, my good friend… Mitty. Mitty Matt. He, uhm, was walking around, pacing really, while I was doing experiments and now he needs an eye patch. Mitty Matt. Who already speaks English and can read because he is human and not a cat.
Lauren: TARDIS mug! Will contain more cocoa (or vodka, or whatevs) on the inside than seems feasible from looking at the outside! With this mug, you’d be biting your thumb at Einstein’s theory of relativity AND getting extra cocoa/vodka/whatevs. Win all around.
Adam: It’s very true. Very true! Also if I break the mug it will put itself back together (though slightly differently each time) twelve times, which is handy when my good friend Mitty brings me my drinks, since he has only one eye. Poor Mitty. I have taught him how to bring me drinks though! I mean, obviously, since he’s human he already knew. That’s what I meant.
Lauren: I’m not sure where you’re going with this one, Adam. Do you want to put more handguns into our youth’s gift baskets? Do you want anachronistic weapons in all fairy tales? Do you have something against hungry, clever wolves?
Adam: Actually I am in favor of installing tiny women inside people’s chest cavities for the sake of art. Yes it may hurt at first as we remove your ribs and lungs but look at how pretty it could be! Art and science! ARTENCE!
Lauren: This watch makes sense in your brain, doesn’t it? This is why we can’t have nice, tidy deadlines, Adam.
Adam: Don’t go blaming me just because you expect me to conform to your tiny understanding of time, Lauren? I don’t see you working with me on this and adapting to my sense of when deadlines happen! I need to buy this watch – for YOU.
Lauren: F-bombs abound on this t-shirt! You want this so that maybe you can begin a merch tie-in with your new webcomic, Fuck You, Internet.
Adam: Actually as of this writing that webcomic will be no more. Time and money. But regardless, I still drop so many F-Bombs that… you know what? It’s a lot, all right? A lot.
Lauren: Ninja vs. T-Rex! Locked in eternal, slightly floaty, improbable battle! This shirt is a metaphor for your whole life.
Adam: Saying it’s a metaphor implies it isn’t REAL. And this shit is real. I was there. I was not, sadly, the ninja but that’s a different story. Uhm, let’s just move on, shall we?
Lauren: Clearly, you are here to rock.
Adam: And to make you think about death and get sad and stuff.
Lauren: You DO approve of fanfiction! Excellent. I’ve got a Professor McFlurryphontos/Bill the Tree-Not-Tree fic for you to look at. Maybe kitty would like to beta it for me?
Adam: Oof, thus we enter the debate over licensed work being fan fiction or not. I say it isn’t, because money changes hands. Either way it’s Moorcock writing Dr Who pulp! Come on! How can you not love that? Impossible! But uhm, sure, I’ll take a look at your fic there, Lauren, but it better not be tree slash. Splinters suck.
