Douchebags and Dragons – The Game!

Was discussing Bros last night with Jon and the fact I used to have a roommate who was a Guido who openly aspired to being Eurotrash, back in the 90s. And I realized that you can see a kind of shitty hierarchy to these things. And that led to D&D (Douchebags and Dragons)!

Player classes include:

White Trash – With the ability to cast such effective spells as “Pabst spray,” “Repurpose household items” and “Electrical tape” the strange mages of White Trash make themselves a force to be reckoned with. Though not much use in actual hand-to-hand combat (though they are all convinced they are great fighters), White Trash can always find a way around any problem that will work for almost exactly as long as the solution is needed, or until a bender – whichever comes first. (Note: At level 12 all White Trash get a Trailer companion.)

Guido – The Guido seems like a non-threat, but these stealthy sneaks can disrupt even the best laid plans! Using their leathery fake tans and brittle hair they can pass as trees, wood panel siding and many other natural elements. Hiding in plain sight, the Guido is the master of the sneak attack. One minute you’re alone in a mall. The next minute you’re on the ground, dead, with only the ringing echo “Yo, lookit dis guy,” to carry you to the afterlife. (Note: All level 6 Guidos get a combat bonus when they wear shirts with no sleeves.)

Eurotrash – They are here. Here to rock you! Eurotrash gain strength and invulnerability with the application of alcohol to a degree no other species can match. They also spend enough of their downtime training, by default, that it results in a constant rate of physical improvement. (Note: At level 10 all Eurotrash get a discount on steroids.)

Bros: Bros believe in Bros. And that faith grants them power. When multiple Bros are together their power increases exponentially. Should you encounter a Bromance of Bros run, you can not defeat them with ordinary tactics. They can use their faith based powers to heal those around them and to inspire wild raiding powers, by amping up the entire crowd. When three or more Bros are together (the minimum for a Bromance) one of the Bros naturally becomes the DJ of the group and gains the ability to “psych up” the entire party. Bros can renounce their Bromance and become Eurotrash, Guidos or White Trash but they can only do this shift once. (Note: At level 8 all Bros gain a cryptography skill which allows them to communicate with their party using a special language consisting only of words containing less than 3 syllables.)

By Adam P. Knave

Adam P. Knave wrote this, but you knew that, since this is his site. That's kinda how it works.

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