Kung-Fu grip

Most action figures these days have their hands stuck in little C shapes. This lets you stick weapons in their hands and all that jazz but they call it a “Kung-Fu grip” and I have to ask a few questions about that.

First of all that isn’t a grip. It’s the letter C. Maybe in some obscure martial art making the letter C is a deadly form of combat readiness, but I doubt it. No, I think it’s the letter C. IS the C for Kung? Hard C sound, after all.

Hell, they couldn’t even get their little C clamp hands around each other’s wrists! They literally could not grip each other with Kung-Fu, or anything else. They could hold their rifles. A sword or the handle of a flamethrower but that isn’t the same. It’s a grip, I suppose, at best. It isn’t Kung-Fu certainly.

Hell, let’s be honest it isn’t even a grip. It’s more like a “balance the gun carefully and arrange the droop so it kinda suggests aiming and don’t move it fast or it’ll shake loose” if we want to be serious about it.

So yes, in what world is a perfectly held C shape a Kung-Fu grip? Maybe, I mean, thinking about it, if you only ever fought with your hand like that it would get super tough. And then eventually you could punch a tree and your thumb and fingers would go right into it. Leaving you holding the middle of a tree that you could pick up and hit people with. And you would then be holding it with your Kung-Fu grip.

But that’s about it.

Kun-Fu Grip, we will not be fooled any longer! Plastic C-Clamp handed, rise up and throw off the stupid name! You have nothing to lose but… eh, shut up and hold this plastic stick. It’s what yer good for.

By Adam P. Knave

Adam P. Knave wrote this, but you knew that, since this is his site. That's kinda how it works.

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