Change.

Life is about change.

The thing of it is, I’m not really good at change. I mean, once tossed in, I’ll swim rather than sink and all that, but I’m not a fan. I like having a set schedule and sticking to it. I like knowing what gigs and concepts I have to tackle tomorrow so that I can get a good handle on them and attack them with the proper force.

I realize that, functionally, this is a weakness.

Now the good side is that once everything gets knocked over and my cards are thrown around the room I am really good at picking them up with speed and dexterity and finding a new optimal order for them. I just need to get better about dealing with the initial throwing.

What I also need to do is not let it stop me. Just because I am bad at it and don’t like it – it doesn’t mean I should do it. It’s how I’ll get better. And sometimes there will be utter failure. But not every time and I got a great group of people around me willing to help and listen and give advice.

But it is scary, isn’t it? Change. And that is great. One of the basic concepts of life is often scary, and still needed. Life is really good at making you toughen the hell up or step off, isn’t it? I’m thankful for that. No matter how much stress I have to go through to get back to this point (and I get there faster every time) I realize that, in the end, being forced to do what’s good for you is something that any good parent does.

Life is often a good parent to us. So of course we resent it and grumble and kick our feet. Doesn’t mean it isn’t right, good, and smart.

Still, I’ll be honest here. This scares me. But the things that scare me also feel like the things I should do more. Simply because they scare me, and I want to find out why and know my own head better. Also the stuff that used to scare me that I did a bunch is some of my favorite stuff to do now. Being scared and doing things anyway just makes them taste better, ya know?

So, what the hell. I’ll start doing some legwork and some thinking and plan to throw the cards in the air myself this time. And I bet I can catch them before they fall, too.