WIAN BHITE – THE WORST DETECTIVE IN THE WORLD in SHAFTED

My name is Wian Bhite. I solve mysteries. This story is about a mystery. One that I solved. Because my name is Wian Bhite, and I solve mysteries. What sorts of mysteries, you may wonder. I’ll tell you.

All sorts.

So there I was, trapped, alone in an elevator. no one else in the car with me when it lurched to a halt between floors. The lights went out and blackness swam in. A click, a pop and a small hiss later the emergency lighting came on, casting the metal coffin in a drab sickly blood red. I didn’t panic. I reached for the emergency phone.

“Hello?” I asked, the phone against my ear. “Hello? can anyone hear me? I’m trapped. Trapped in this elevator.”

“Excuse me sir,” a voice replied, “we don’t show a problem with any of the elevators.”

A mystery. If I was trapped, and I was, but no one saw a problem – then someone must be sabotaging the system. The question became who. Also why. Those were the questions. If I could work out who then it would tell me why. But also, I knew, if I only knew why I could probably work out who. That’s how mysteries work. You solve them. Then they’re solved.

I asked myself, pacing in the elevator, who would want me trapped in an elevator. And why? Laughingly I reversed the questions. Neither order gave me an answer. I tried the phone again.

“Hello?” I said into the mouth piece.

“Yes, we see now there is a problem, sir. Very sorry. We’ll have you moving again soon.”

Yes! That was it! The who was the computer that didn’t notice the problem. The why was simple entropy, my old enemy. I had solved it. Smiling, I leaned against the wall of the elevator and waited for the system to restart and for my imprisonment to end.

I was Wian Bhite. I solved mysteries.

5 comments

  1. Jesse says:

    You know how there’s that one new Sherlock and it’s British and they solve mysteries and you can see what Sherlock is thinking because the computer puts it on the TV and you know how there’s that other Sherlock that has Watson only he’s a girl? This is way better than they.

    I want a Wian Bhite t-shirt.

  2. Jesse says:

    Than “that.” Stupid autocorrect.

  3. APK says:

    HAHAH you leave Moffat’s Sherlock alone. We loves it so. But yes, we need WIAN BHITE merch.

  4. Jen O. says:

    Good thing it wasn’t cast in a sickly red blood. THAT would have been a mystery.

  5. Brian White says:

    THIS IS SLANDER AND MISAPPROPRIATION AND I WANT LEGAL RECOMPENSE OR ROYALTIES OR AT LEAST A GODDAMNED T-SHIRT.

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