Debts imgined.

Had a bit of a run in with medical bills recently. See, months ago I had some blood work done, as part of a whole thing and in-between getting the blood work done and them sending it to the lab my insurance changed the rule on if my doctor could use a certain lab. They went from yes to no.

So I got a bill for roughly $400 bucks and told the lab company no, they needed to send it to my insurance. Called my insurance who seemed confused and went about my day. So of course the lab company doesn’t do what they need to, the doctor’s office doesn’t do what they need to, and everything spirals out of control.

Which is when I get a call from some fucking bill collectors.

See they would like $400 please. I told them, flat out, I would pay them my $20 copay again, and that only under protest, to make this shut up and go away. They offered to let me pay them $200. I laughed. They offered to send me a bill, with my permission, to give to my insurance.

I refused, explaining I would not accept any paperwork from them that would manage to legally prove I admitted I even had this debt, because I didn’t. This shit needed to get worked out above my pay grade.

So I called my insurance company again today and braced for a fight. Surprisingly, I got actual, quick, help. They called the bill collectors and told them to send the bill back to the blood work company, and that they needed to then actually bother to submit it correctly and they would take care of it. Whoosh done.

But, me being me, I called back the bill collector people. I had a direct line and a name and all and I wanted to make sure we were done here.

I asked if we were done. I got told the same stuff my insurance told me. The stories matched up perfectly. Good so far. So I again stated that the debt was gone, not my problem.

And then it happened.

Bill collector: Yes sir, the debt will be resubmitted and paid by your insurance. However, I can, right now, offer you a deal where you only pay two hundred dollars.

Me: Did you just ask me to pay you for a debt you also said isn’t mine?

Bill collector: Well, if something went wrong…

Me: So you record these calls, this is being recorded right?

Bill collector: Yes, sir.

Me: Because I’m pretty sure this is now criminal. Is this criminal do you think or just morally skanky?

Bill collector: Well, uhm, we thank you for your call, and yes it is fine and thank you.

I mean really! They tried to get me to pay them for an imaginary debt! I’m dumb, but I ain’t stupid.

By Adam P. Knave

Adam P. Knave wrote this, but you knew that, since this is his site. That's kinda how it works.

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