What Ticketmaster fees are used for.

I love going to concerts. I mean music is one of the big highlights of my life, of my every breathing day, so going to go see people play music live is always amazing. Music, music, music.

Recently I got tickets to go see one of my favorite bands (Flogging Molly). They are great in studio but even better live. I try to see them every time they are in NY, which is about once a year. None of this is my point.

My point is that this year the Ticketmaster fees were 1/4 of the total price. Quite seriously, a full 25% of the final price was all Ticketmaster “fees” which leaves me asking myself what these fees could possibly be. So I made a list.

A List Of Possible Reasons for/Uses for Ticketmaster Fees:

* Fees used to buy a zoo / feed resulting animals.

* Executives are building a life-sized papercraft moon. Out of money.

* Fees burned as tribute to Korrok.

* This is what pays for Honey Boo-Boo, you fools. This!

* The British didn’t lose the war, guys, they simply were all “Ha, no tea tax, ey? Fucking right, let’s tax tickets instead, bastard Colonies,” and we never caught on.

* Fees used to continue to pay down Prince’s Ruffle debt.

* Each fee is preserved in amber to show future generations exactly how fucking stupid we were when it came to being willing to pay anonymous fees.

I don’t know, but I think it must be at least one of these.

By Adam P. Knave

Adam P. Knave wrote this, but you knew that, since this is his site. That's kinda how it works.

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