Oh man this is so cool and I want them so bad but I can’t justify the money on them, cause really. But, and I see this is a Toy Story tie-in but don’t care, Lego has made green army men!

Little Lego guys, with traditional green army men bases, and a jeep and a stretcher! How cute are they? It’s 11 bucks for the set (click here to purchase) and there is a limit of 5 sets per person.

Man I love this so much. So much!

I just got possibly the best spam ever. At first I was going to simply delete it but then I realized it was written, obviously, by a Nigerian scammer with Tourette’s trying to raise Cthulhu. And that makes me want to reply to him, kinda. Below is his email in its entirety:

To: adampknave
From: [name removed in case of Cthulhu]
Subject: Long fucktime uajagoz

Dear fuck you asshole,

Uofej nyetiferyh unyid iityoveu I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer the sum of $47,500,000.00 (forty seven million, five hundred thousand United States dollars) into your accounts. Ieheb uajogozoo ojor iboreu yoas umynagojo.

Yqiseloz naepy. We are now ready to transfer the fund overseas and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as civil servants, we are forbidden to operate a foreign account; that is why we require your assistance. Loujypeyx vyhoyi ydoz uuck you! Shit fuck peaqejo uvuzue feliyazile yjima yqaeopoha ivapuet ylyusuzofe aratucyt ziqealoocu.

Cock pussy bastard iijyuh oside yuosy ytupyfe aryn apav relyojaz aniwyh. The transfer is risk free on both sides. Bastard shit licker. Alternatively we will furnish you with the text of what to type into your letter-headed paper, qukopueah izor akodosylu qatoyuke along with a breakdown explaining, comprehensively motherfucker what we require of you. The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.

Please reply shit urgently.

Last night at Jim Hanley’s Universe we had a Popgun 4 release event. A bunch of us showed up. Not all at once, mind you but still. For now a photo of us after everyone had arrived:

(In order L-R: Vito Delsante, Elizabeth Purvis, me, Frank Stockton, Jeff Powell,
Joe Flood, Nick Tapalansky, Maximo Lorenzo, Jason Ibarra)

Anyway, at first things were slow. Deadly slow. To the theme of “Hey, man, you’re holding up the line,” being laughingly said at the one and only guy who was there. Yeah. But that’s the thing. The bunch of us are not exactly the most serious bunch you’ll ever meet. I worried a bit at first. That I was somehow letting these guys down, things were moving too slow and they had all shown up and… but no. Everyone was relaxed and easy (Nick is always easy…) and it was all right. We took things in stride.

Christ, if you ever get time to hang out with Nick, for example, I highly recommend it. There’s a reason he’s also known as “America’s Feisty Sweetheart.” Actually I’m not sure about that last part, but he told me it was true. Nick also calls me Julie, though, so what do I know?

Moving right along… people started to show up and get their free print. Jason was awesome enough to make 11×17 thick stock prints of the two page spread (sans lettering) from the story he did with DJ and I:

Yup, everyone got one of those free. And then they worked their way down that table and each one of us stopped talking, texting and otherwise being foolish long enough to thank them and sign the book. It was fun seeing so many people come up and pick the book up and flip through it and marvel at it. It’s a 512 page brick of amazing comics. You get stopped into a minor bit of awe when you first flip through it. I know I did when I first put my hands on it, and I co-edited the blasted thing.

It got later and we got rowdier. Dan Masso and Patricia (I hope she doesn’t kill me, I can’t find her last name in my memory banks right now) showed,. A bunch of us went from the store to a bar nearby where we sat and drank and talked for longer than we had sat and signed in the first place.

As Joe said at some point “I love that a bunch of comic people are sitting talking about food and cats and not comics” and he had a point. We weren’t there because we were networking, and making contacts, and all of that. We were hanging out because we honestly deeply enjoyed each other’s company. I wish everyone had been able to join us – another time.

It brings home what Popgun is for me. It’s a party. Yes it is a crushing fuckton of work a lot of the times. I won’t deny that. But the people who contribute to it are great people who love making comics and are interesting, fun, folks. They make doing that work worth it.

At the end of the day Popgun 4 sold out at Hanley’s. D.J. ran a similar (but I hear bigger – they had music and food and drink at the party itself) event at Metldown Comics in LA. They sold out, too. Aw, yeah, Popgun.

(via Newsweek) A temple complex in Turkey that predates even the pyramids is rewriting the story of human evolution.

Standing on the hill at dawn, overseeing a team of 40 Kurdish diggers, the German-born archeologist waves a hand over his discovery here, a revolution in the story of human origins. Schmidt has uncovered a vast and beautiful temple complex, a structure so ancient that it may be the very first thing human beings ever built. The site isn’t just old, it redefines old: the temple was built 11,500 years ago—a staggering 7,000 years before the Great Pyramid, and more than 6,000 years before Stonehenge first took shape. The ruins are so early that they predate villages, pottery, domesticated animals, and even agriculture—the first embers of civilization. In fact, Schmidt thinks the temple itself, built after the end of the last Ice Age by hunter-gatherers, became that ember—the spark that launched mankind toward farming, urban life, and all that followed.

…..

Though not as large as Stonehenge—the biggest circle is 30 yards across, the tallest pillars 17 feet high—the ruins are astonishing in number. Last year Schmidt found his third and fourth examples of the temples. Ground-penetrating radar indicates that another 15 to 20 such monumental ruins lie under the surface. Schmidt’s German-Turkish team has also uncovered some 50 of the huge pillars, including two found in his most recent dig season that are not just the biggest yet, but, according to carbon dating, are the oldest monumental artworks in the world.

————–
Yeah just go read it all yourself

So first Aidan asks me about the anti-life equation. Which, for those that don’t know, is the equation that robs you of all higher thought and makes you a mind slave and erases individuality and so on. Kirby’s great idea. Darksied is always trying to find it. Grant Morrison, the other year, used it and came up with a written form of the anti-life equation:

loneliness + alienation + fear + despair + self-worth ÷ mockery ÷ condemnation ÷ misunderstanding x guilt x shame x failure x judgment n=y where y=hope and n=folly, love=lies, life=death, self=Darksied

And then I was talking to Hammerpants. And he had a flash of sheer genius. “You should write the anti-internet equation” he said to me. And so I have, with his help. Read this and know that by reading it I shall control you, foolish beings!

forums + alienation + lolcats + despair + self-worth ÷ goatse.cx ÷ every zig ÷ IRC x guilt x shame x yaoi x judgment n=y where y=outside and n=basement, love=robots, ninjas=pirates, self=will never give you up, will never let you down

ALL IS ONE IN DARKSIEDAPK!

A friend pointed out an auction to help Haiti. To Haiti With Love is a great collection of items you can bid on and help raise money. All proceeds go to help Broken Wings, which is the Canadian fundraising organization whose primary mission is to support the vision and ministry of the St. Joseph Family in Haiti, which includes the St. Joseph’s Home for Boys in Port-au Prince, Wings of Hope in Fermathe, and Trinity House in Jacmel.

Anyway! I wanted to help somehow but needed something worth putting up for auction. And then I remembered something cool. Back when Stays Crunchy in Milk came out the publisher produced exactly 34 hardcover copies. I stole one from him. I took number 1 of 34. I kept it separate and pondered what to do with it. I mean it becomes the single rarest copy of the book that will ever be made. Something cool had to be done with it.

Something cool was done with it. You can click that link and bid on the rarest copy of the book. You have until midnight, EST, Monday February 8th to get a bid in.

So go help some folks out and get the rarest of the rare. I knew I stole that copy for a reason. Once again, you can click here to go bid.

Thanks and please, spread the word.

Who, or what, is Twee-Tor?

Twee-Tor:
• is the cute killer robot who kills 140 humans at a time. But only 140, max.
• hugs his victims to death and whispers ‘I love you’ as he does so.
• is the invention of Doctor Ignatius Nathanial Terrence Teuoobe. (Dr. I.N. Ter. Teuoobe to his friends)
• can fetch coffee
• has a large camera for a face, enabling him to track victims and record their demise.
• has an unnecessary lower abdominal spike. He uses it to tickle bears.
• loves to play with bears.
• is utterly ambivalent about dogs and giraffes, however.
• possesses eight separate silly string guns on his shoulders.
• likes it when humans think the guns are all fun and games.
• laughs to itself when humans die a horrible, silly string related death.
• then sighs, because it has no one to play with. No one to love.
• will then go off in search of a bear to tickle and play with.
• loves to play with bears.

—————-
(You can download a background image version of Twee-Tor right over here!)

Twee-Tor is from the brains of APK and Atilla Adorjany

I present you with the best (and simultaneously worst) weapon yet invented by man! Yes, this is the weapon of myth, the weapon of “What, seriously?” and the weapon of glory all rolled into one! I give you: THE SHARK KNIFE!

I did not create, do not own and have nothing to do with the Shark Knife. Except that I offer it my love and respect. For it is the Shark Knife, and to wield it is to wield glory and shame at the same time. A magical weapon indeed!

The University of Michigan takes masturbation seriously. Quite seriously. They hung this official sign in a men’s dorm bathroom:

Now, looking at that sign I have to wonder a few things:

Honor Code Violation? Really? Huh. When I see “honor code” I think samurai. So now I am imagining someone having to either commit seppuku because of shower masturbation, or, alternatively, shaming their family for generations.

The pipes are not capable of handle semen. What? They can handle water at speed, soap scum, random hair but semen will destroy these pipes? Is Superman jerking off at U of M? Are U of M students so virile that their semen obliterates metal pipe work with a fleeting touch? If that’s the case, think how much more powerful everyone at U of M must be to deal with having sex, ever. They’re Nietzsche’s wet dream. All jokes intended there.

Finally – semen costs run into the thousands every year. I want to see this spreadsheet. The line item in the budget. The meetings to discuss this!

Guys, I love this sign, so much. SO MUCH!

Thanks to the A-Team trailer (see prev post) I have coined a new term. At the end of the trailer, a plane explodes. Out of this exploding plane falls a tank, which deploys parachutes. While falling, the tank proceeds to shoot down the plane that shot down the plane the tank was first in. Got that?

That, my friends, is what we shall now refer to as an:

ACTION TURDUCKEN – An action sequence that has so many nested, moving parts it can only been seen, and not believed, explained or understood.

An example of use: “That scene, with the tank shooting the plane that shot the plane that had the tank in the first place? That might be this years greatest Action Turducken!” or “In my spec script I have an Action Turducken to amuse and to raise the FX budget. It lasts 25 minutes and features every car in Paraguay.”

You are welcome, planet.