Someone else has to have done this joke, right? I mean, they have to have. I didn’t see it though. So I made it myself. You’re welcome.

The picture above is a shot of Sarah Baillie’s Haptic Cow in action. What is the Haptic Cow? From the project page:

“The Haptic Cow is a virtual reality (VR) simulator developed by a veterinarian (Sarah Baillie). Sarah has been working and teaching in veterinary practice for many years and also has a Masters and PhD in Computing Science. The Haptic Cow was developed to help train veterinary students to palpate a cow’s reproductive tract, to perform fertility examinations and to diagnose pregnancy. The simulator uses haptic (touch feedback) technology and has a PHANToM haptic device (from SensAble Technologies) positioned inside a fibreglass model of the rear-half of a cow. When being trained with the Haptic Cow, the student palpates computer- generated virtual objects representing the uterus, ovaries, pelvis and abdominal structures. The teacher provides instruction and feedback while following the student’s hand movements inside the cow on the computer monitor. The Haptic Cow is being used by several of the UK vet schools.”

So yes, it is a virtual cow ass. That you shove your hand into. This has, it seems, been proven to help people learn about shoving their hands inside cow asses. Now that is, for vets, important, I admit. Though it does call into question the idea that before the haptic cow was around vets-in-training would spend hours with instructors, hands up a live cow’s ass feeling around and hoping the cow didn’t get pissed.

Same for horses, elephants and any other animals that generally end up with people’s forearm’s inside their rectums. From a Wired article on the simulator:

“Not only can professors follow a student’s exact movements and critique the technique, but they can also keep track of how much force is being applied. If a fledgling vet gets too rough and exceeds the number of Newtons considered safe by experienced vets, virtual Bessie will belt out a cautionary “Moo-oo!””

I… yeah.

I mean it’s a virtual cow ass that teaches you how to properly stand around with your arm inside a cow. Tell me this won’t be a video game in Japan by the end of the day. Come on! Oh, wait, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga already exists:

Eventually someone will make a real one of these. Until then I made it for you:

So after my last phone died a few months back I needed a new one. I mean I don’t have a home phone so I needed something to make and get calls on. I ended up with an iPhone for a lot of reasons. That’s not why we’re here. No, we’re here because I’m a giant fucking nerd.

See when I first got the phone I had to name it. I also had to get a wallpaper for it. These, to my mind, go hand in hand. And I thought about my new phone and everything it did. I realized that as a fan of ReBoot the damned phone was a Multitool. So I named it Glitch and found a decent, but crappy, shot of Glitch to use. Then a friend remade the image for me and it was all shiny and perfect:

But then I thought about it. And the more I used the phone the more I did with it. The more I did with it the more I started to turn to it to do things for me. Not in a bad way, just in a “I bet the phone can deal with this” sort of way.

And then I realized that the phone wasn’t a Multitool. It was a Motherbox.

I was sad that I had to rename the phone and change things but I also had to be correct. The sickness though, that sickness will see me finding good “ping” noises to make new rings and such from. I have issues. Big nerd issues.

Just saw this and had to share. The Death Star cookie jar.

It’s roughly 12×12, sells for $49.99 and ships in Sept. You can but it here.

I do worry though. I mean what if I fill it with cookies and, like, a flying ant zips in and hits the exhaust port of the cookie jar, will it explode? That’d ruin the cookies!

That, my friends, is a sniper rifle. A sniper rifle with a cup holder attachment. I don’t know if I can quite describe my utter glee at this. Furthermore it seems to be a can of Mountain Dew in that cup holder. Because when you’re stuck laying there, waiting for your shot what you really want is to do the dew. I mean, I guess to keep awake, but I get visions of jittery hands. Or, worse, some kids from the Mnt. Dew ads with a sniper rifle, I suppose.

Still. A sniper rifle with a cup holder attachment. I wonder, if using it when prone, do they toss in a sippy straw? Maybe one of those curvy bendy ones that loops and is all pretty? I suppose the straw itself would be camo. Could still be spiraled and bendy and awesome, though. A straw for a sniper rifle cup holder ought to be awesome, too.

Anyway. There ya go. A bit of awesome for you.

Now you can give a flying fuck. A soft foam body attached to a remote controlled propeller thing, the Flying Fuck is … exactly what it is.

You can buy one here for £24.99.

So yeah this guy took a Les Paul and hacked it apart and then took an NES and hacked it apart and then throught he magic of, like, I dunno Voltron, he combined them and made this working guitar.

I wonder if he can play Genesis tunes on it. HAR HAR HAR!

Need to kill zombies? I got the tool for you. It’s a Halligan bar.

(via allhandsfire.com) HALLIGAN HISTORY: Halligan is much more than the name of one of the most veratile of firefighting tools. The tool’s namesake was a fireman who made more that a name for himself. Hugh A. Halligan was appointed a New York City Firefighter on June 16, 1916 and was assigned to Engine Company 88. Halligan’s career was interrupted by service in the army during World War I. Upon his return, he was assigned to Engine 35 and worked there until he was promoted to Lieutenant on April 16, 1922. The new officer worked in Engine 22 for two years before he was promoted to Captain on February 1, 1924. He commanded Engine 86, 82, 35 and 73 before being appointed a Battalion Chief on June 1, 1929. On October 1, 1934, two weeks after his 40th birthday, Hugh Halligan reached the rank of Deputy Chief. Commissioner Patrick Walsh appointed Halligan First Deputy Fire Commissioner on August 20, 1941. He had risen from the ranks and became one of the top men on both sides of the command structure in just 22 years. It is the tool Chief Halligan designed, refined and manufactured that virtually gave him fire service immortality. Every curve, corner and dimension of the tool was studied and changed many times by the “trial and error” method. The result was a tool that could be held in one hand; one that would not chip or break at crucial moments; would not fatigue a firefighter; and could be used with safety and full efficiency. Today, this tool is an “industry standard”. (Informtion obtained courtesy of Paul Hashagen, FDNY Rescue 1, Ret.)
So yeah. Titanium goes for like 600 bucks and is only 5 lbs weight for a 30 inch bar. Steel goes for around 200 but weighs twice as much. Titanium can be found here and the steel can be found over here.

Two quick things! First we have a keyboard made from Scrabble tiles. Seriously, if you like Scrabble, words, cool shit or … just about anything you should go see that thing.

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For Pan Kun fans – Pan Kun’s first love (2 parts!)