Time again, as it has been every year since 2004, to post the annual Easter comic! And here you go!
Archive for idea file
I’ve been a fan of David Brothers’ writing (about comics and music and, hell, whatever is in his brain really) for a while now (at Comicsalliance, 4thLetter and more). So, the other week, I decided the hell with it and asked him if he’d answer a few questions. He said yes, and so here we are. I’m really pleased I can present this interview with him.
Adam P Knave: There are really two things I’d like to focus on here: Your love of comics and of music. They’re different and yet the same. You talk about them both with such love and respect. What were some of your first comics and albums that you remember ingesting and thinking “Yes! This is something!” – the ones that changed you.
David Brothers: I don’t think I’ve had many of those lightning from heaven moments. I usually decide that something is ~something~ after reading and considering for a while. Though, in thinking about it… Emma Rios’s backup in Prophet 26 hit me like a ton of bricks, as did Inio Asano’s solanin.
But yeah, I don’t really have those moments where I sit down and realize that something is amazing and changed my life. The stuff that actually changed my life, like Company Flow’s Funcrusher Plus, Cannibal Ox’s The Cold Vein, Nas’s Illmatic, Milestone’s Static, Spider-Man, all that stuff, I only realized it was life-changing and amazing in hindsight. They crawled under my skin and set up shop in my brain subtly rather than immediately.
The first tape I remember owning was either DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince’s He’s The DJ, I’m The Rapper, which I still spin every month or so, or one of those old Sesame Street compilations. I think it had Kermit’s Kokomo and It’s Not Easy Being Green alongside Big Bird’s song about the alphabet. The first comics were Amazing Spider-Man 316 and 317, with 321 and 322 coming soon after. They were great, in the way that everything that is yours is great when you’re a kid.
Please note: This was originally supposed to the be the end of the show I just did. So it’s a bit way long when written out and may be a bit rambly. I’ve edited it down some and tried to make sure it seems focused but you’ve been warned…
I was talking about Saved by the Bell the other day. And well, thinking about it really brings something home for me. First of all, we really need to stop making live-action TV shows with minors, because there has never been a cast, I think, on earth, that was not horribly scarred by this. Neil Patrick Harris survived. We can maybe call Danny Bonaduce a survivor NOW, but that’s about as far as you get.
Diff’rent Strokes, of course, were all criminals at one point, or on drugs, or both. And, funny story, Diff’rent Strokes, the two black kids, they’re did all right in the end, mostly. White girl? Dead of an overdose. That’s the reality of Diff’rent Strokes for you right there.
Punky Brewster, I don’t know whatever happened to her. She got tits, that’s the last thing I heard, maybe she was swallowed by them, I don’t know, haven’t heard much about her.
Winnie Cooper went on to get a degree in math. Her and Neil Patrick Harris should little have survivor clone babies together.
But, man, most of these shows, and you look back at Saved By The Bell — you have Dustin Diamond, who, of course, has become Dustin Diamond, which is not a fate I’d wish on most people I meet. Then you have Elizabeth Berkley who thought she’d have a movie career if only she’d stripped hard enough, and was proven wrong by the universe… not that all of us didn’t figure that one out early, but she had to prove it to herself.
So, we really do need to stop putting minors in TV shows because no good comes of it.
I like Sorkin. Well. I like his dialogue. Sometimes I like his plots. Some of his characters I enjoy. But I do love his cadence, the feel, I adore it. I am not as enamored of the man. Not by half. With his new show NEWSROOM starting tonight I wanted to get this out.
See the show is about, basically, how we have to re-elevate the news to a thing of glory. A bastion for smarts and truth and all that. And I agree. But Sorkin seems to think this can only happen on TV Network News. I disagree.
But to disagree with Sorkin, I wanted to do it on his terms. With a script.
INT. Hallway – Night.
Kevin and Lisa walk down the dimly lit hallway together, moving quickly. Kevin shuffles papers in his hands as he moves, almost as if he was searching for a cosmic order to put them in, a higher purpose in the relationship of one paper to the next. Lisa hugs a clipboard to her chest as if it were a security blanket.
It’s time to take back the truth.
And we’re the people to do it?
So in an issue of the Forever People Kirby has a splash:
Gotta love a Kirby splash. But over in the right corner, what’s that? Let’s blow it up:
Now chances are that Kirby was just being his normal hyperbolic self. But what if he wasn’t. What if this was a hint toward a story he never got to do? What if he actually meant superman was immortal? And what if that played into the 4th World saga?
Remember how it starts:
There came a time when the Old Gods died! The brave died with the cunning! The noble perished, locked in battle with the unleashed evil! It was the last day for them! An ancient era was passing in fiery holocaust! The final moment came with the fatal release of the indescribable power — which tore the home of the Old Gods asunder — split it in great halves — and filled the universe with the blinding death-flash of its destruction! In the end there were two giant molten bodies, spinning slow and barren — clean of all that had gone before — adrift in the fading sounds of cosmic thunder… Silence closed upon what had happened — a long, deep silence — wrapped in massive darkness… it was this way for an age… THEN—THERE WAS NEW LIGHT!
So the Old Gods died and their world split into two: New Genesis and Apokolips. One of light and one of darkness. What if Krypton was a splinter off of that? It eventually explodes – not because of their sun but because the planet itself was unstable due to being a mixing of light and dark after the split in such a way that the center could not hold.
The only survivor of that (ignoring his cousin, a dog, a cat, and a monkey – shush) is Superman. Who has the powers of… well… a New God.
When Kirby has Orion come to Earth he has Orion surround himself with humans to eventually help turn the darkness (both within himself and externally) back. Superman, as Clark Kent and Superman, surrounds himself with good people all the time.
Orion and Superman are friends. But Orion’s path is dark. He’s a warrior, born on Apokolips, Darkseid’s son, but raised on New Genesis. His fate is to one day fight and kill his father. What that happens will he take over Apokolips? Will he become corrupted by that? These are questions the series pokes at but never finishes and answers.
So let’s look at Orion again. He makes friends. Sort of. He takes human allies. Sort of. He’s like a flawed Superman. He can’t quite manage it right. Fine. Now let’s pull forward into land Kirby didn’t get to do:
Orion fights Darkseid and wins. He takes over Apokolips and slowly becomes cruel and hard, no longer with his friends near him. They try to reach out but he brushes them off a bit more each time.
Meanwhile Superman is realizing he doesn’t age, his human friends are all dead and long buried. He is friends with the New Gods and tries to reach out to Orion. High Father, leader of the New gods and takes Superman under his guidance to help. They are much alike.
When Orion, blinded by his loss of self and rage turned inward, attacks New Genesis he fights High Father but finds an adoptive father who will not fight back. Orion presses the attack and High Father is destroyed. Superman pushes Orion back to Apokolips, mourning the loss of a mentor and also the final loss of a friend.
Superman takes over the New Gods, leading them and bringing them higher than ever before. But now two men who were once friends watch each other across a gulf of stars. Each waiting and knowing that the fates will demand they face each other one day.
…Anyway! That’s what I get out of a line in a Kirby splash. I may have issues, y’all.
So Ridley Scott is making a movie of Monopoly. Yes the board game. One of the things he had to say about it was this:
“It’s a Hasbro film and they have the game. That was a tough thing to crack in terms of the screenplay because first off, many would want to integrate literally the shaking of the dice and the throwing of the dice into the board. I couldn’t really get past that. I wanted to just make a movie about the idea of greed. I told them you know your game can turn your sweetest, dearest aunt into a demon – a nightmare of greed. So that’s what we’re going to do.”
But I thought about it and had my own vision of the movie. Since the film is already being done I don’t feel odd about sharing my take on it here:
This film must burst with color. A huge wonderland of the surreal. Think Tim Burton on happy drugs.
Welcome to a land ruled by one man. He is in charge of everything! A giant crane and PLOP! a new house lands on the road for a new family to move into! From his control center he can pick up houses, hotels, the trains and everything and make sure everything runs the way it should so that all the people are happy.
Except one day he vanishes.
The town is left in ruins! Nothing is getting done.
Enter four kids – Chris, Sarah, Tony and Penny. They break into his office and want to save the town. Of course craziness ensues. Houses being moved everywhere, the water works pumping into the trains – it’s crazy visual insanity! One of the kids, though, finds a clue as to where the old man has gone! And they’re off to find him! Using tools like a special Top Hat, a Race Car, super Boots and so on – the kids race to find the guy, who is captured by his biggest rival, and save their town!
I’m sure Scott’s film will be interesting. But I bet it won’t have a giant crane dropping hotels from the sky. So there.
Most action figures these days have their hands stuck in little C shapes. This lets you stick weapons in their hands and all that jazz but they call it a “Kung-Fu grip” and I have to ask a few questions about that.
First of all that isn’t a grip. It’s the letter C. Maybe in some obscure martial art making the letter C is a deadly form of combat readiness, but I doubt it. No, I think it’s the letter C. IS the C for Kung? Hard C sound, after all.
Hell, they couldn’t even get their little C clamp hands around each other’s wrists! They literally could not grip each other with Kung-Fu, or anything else. They could hold their rifles. A sword or the handle of a flamethrower but that isn’t the same. It’s a grip, I suppose, at best. It isn’t Kung-Fu certainly.
Hell, let’s be honest it isn’t even a grip. It’s more like a “balance the gun carefully and arrange the droop so it kinda suggests aiming and don’t move it fast or it’ll shake loose” if we want to be serious about it.
So yes, in what world is a perfectly held C shape a Kung-Fu grip? Maybe, I mean, thinking about it, if you only ever fought with your hand like that it would get super tough. And then eventually you could punch a tree and your thumb and fingers would go right into it. Leaving you holding the middle of a tree that you could pick up and hit people with. And you would then be holding it with your Kung-Fu grip.
But that’s about it.
Kun-Fu Grip, we will not be fooled any longer! Plastic C-Clamp handed, rise up and throw off the stupid name! You have nothing to lose but… eh, shut up and hold this plastic stick. It’s what yer good for.
Was discussing Bros last night with Jon and the fact I used to have a roommate who was a Guido who openly aspired to being Eurotrash, back in the 90s. And I realized that you can see a kind of shitty hierarchy to these things. And that led to D&D (Douchebags and Dragons)!
Player classes include:
White Trash – With the ability to cast such effective spells as “Pabst spray,” “Repurpose household items” and “Electrical tape” the strange mages of White Trash make themselves a force to be reckoned with. Though not much use in actual hand-to-hand combat (though they are all convinced they are great fighters), White Trash can always find a way around any problem that will work for almost exactly as long as the solution is needed, or until a bender – whichever comes first. (Note: At level 12 all White Trash get a Trailer companion.)
Guido – The Guido seems like a non-threat, but these stealthy sneaks can disrupt even the best laid plans! Using their leathery fake tans and brittle hair they can pass as trees, wood panel siding and many other natural elements. Hiding in plain sight, the Guido is the master of the sneak attack. One minute you’re alone in a mall. The next minute you’re on the ground, dead, with only the ringing echo “Yo, lookit dis guy,” to carry you to the afterlife. (Note: All level 6 Guidos get a combat bonus when they wear shirts with no sleeves.)
Eurotrash – They are here. Here to rock you! Eurotrash gain strength and invulnerability with the application of alcohol to a degree no other species can match. They also spend enough of their downtime training, by default, that it results in a constant rate of physical improvement. (Note: At level 10 all Eurotrash get a discount on steroids.)
Bros: Bros believe in Bros. And that faith grants them power. When multiple Bros are together their power increases exponentially. Should you encounter a Bromance of Bros run, you can not defeat them with ordinary tactics. They can use their faith based powers to heal those around them and to inspire wild raiding powers, by amping up the entire crowd. When three or more Bros are together (the minimum for a Bromance) one of the Bros naturally becomes the DJ of the group and gains the ability to “psych up” the entire party. Bros can renounce their Bromance and become Eurotrash, Guidos or White Trash but they can only do this shift once. (Note: At level 8 all Bros gain a cryptography skill which allows them to communicate with their party using a special language consisting only of words containing less than 3 syllables.)
I have decided to start my new small business as the premier Anti-Social Media Consultant. If you need to fail hard to managing social media, I’m your guy! To prove it I will now share with you the Top Ten Ways to Fail at Social Media:
Top Ten Ways to Fail at Social Media
- ONE – When using Twitter be sure to never reply to anyone, and only post links to your own products / articles. Also make sure to retweet every link you can find that mentions you by name. For bonus anti-social media points you’ll want to automatically Direct Message every new follower you make!
- Remember – the object of social media is not to invite discourse, it is to broadcast your message to people, regardless of if they want to hear it. Of course they want to hear it, they just haven’t yet. So yell it at them until they hear it and then they will thank you for it.
- TWO – Make a FaceBook page for your brand. Then invite everyone you know to become a friend of the new page. After thirty-six hours, max, request it again. Follow-up, inside of twenty-four hours, with a group mass message asking them to help you and to like and friend the page.
The remake of Footloose annoys me. We already did Footloose. And then we did 8 Mile, which was a retelling of the same story. Why can’t we continue that and do something new?
All Footloose is, is the story of a younger person who wants to do $THING that they love, but their town/village/neighborhood thinks that $THING is a waste of time and/or evil. But they do $THING anyway and prove everyone wrong because their talent at $THING is infectious and they can change the world, simply by doing what they love most.
It’s not a bad story to tell teens of a certain age. I just want to tell it in new ways. So I thought about it and well, we’ve done dancing and rap so why not take this tale in a brand new direction: Smooth jazz guitar!
DOWNTEMPO is the story of Jenny Sorphisti. She’s a guitar prodigy and her heart belongs to smooth jazz. But her family can’t stand it. Her friends think she’s crazy and the neighborhood is simply done with it. The pressure is on! Will Jenny succumb and start to rock out or will she be able to show her friends and neighbors that the power of smooth jazz should never be forgotten?
Rick Sorphisti: Damn it, Jenny! We didn’t raise you like this! We played the Stones, the Beatles! When your mother and I got you that first guitar we wanted you to rock! Rock, young lady, not this…. this… elevator music you seem to aspire to!
Jenny: But Dad! I do want to rock! Just very… very softly.
Rick: Listen to Steve, he’s your boyfriend, right? You trust his opinion?
Jenny: Of course, but it doesn’t matter what he says about this, this is about me, not him!
Steve: But Jenny, this is driving us apart. I feel like we’re only really together when we’re in an elevator or something.
Jenny: If you can’t take the smooth alto sound of my six-string then you should just hit the streets, Steve!
Rick: Jenny! Your mother didn’t giver her life for you in that car accident just so you could play smooth jazz…
Jenny: That’s exactly why she did it, dad! That’s exactly why! Why can’t any of you understand that?
And then, you know, Jenny plays smooth jazz in the town square and everyone comes out to listen and sway off-tempo and have some chai and they decide that she does have a point and hey, why not listen to more smooth jazz, anyway?
DOWNTEMPO: The rough road to smooth jazz.