Archive for pimpin’ ain’t easy

What Kind Of Day Has It Been

June 23, 2012 music, NY Life, original writing, pimpin' ain't easy 5 comments

So the show last night… how did that go?

Wait, let me back up. My flight out of JFK left on time (surprise) and arrived early (surprise!) and with construction and traffic warnings Juliana realized it would be faster for me to grab MARTA to get to her. This made sense to me. So I grabbed MARTA.

Which was fine. I mean it was MARTA so it was clunky and confused, but fine. Until “track problems” near Buckhead. We were told, you see, there were “track problems” – the problem seemed to be that they didn’t know how to use their own tracks. Two trains ahead of us and we couldn’t go before they moved. This was explained to us. As if refusing to hit another train was some amazing new idea they had just worked out for themselves.

Past that they were down to only one track for both directions. Ahhh yes, that might be your track problem, folks.

Anyway. About thirty minutes later we were moving.
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Write. Play. Repeat. The live show.

June 12, 2012 humor, oh the places you'll go, pimpin' ain't easy No comments

Consider this your only warning, humans! Juliana Finch and I will be singing, telling stories and generally rousing rabbles for your enjoyment! We hope to see you there!

Because it would seem many people don’t understand this yet

January 6, 2011 administrative, pimpin' ain't easy, wtf?! 2 comments

Here is how linking to content works, folks: You have a thing you want to share with other people, via Twitter or FaceBook or what have you. So you post a link to it with a brief sentence or two. They click the link and go to the content. They read the content and are happy, and thankful, for your work in pointing out that content to them. You become a well thought of trusted source for content and interesting times.

Tumblr, being a link blog set-up, is perfect for this. Post a link on your Tumblr and when the people that read your Tumblr see it they go forth and read some content. It’s glorious! It is the future and it makes me love you all.

This, however, is how you do it wrong:

You see content.

You post a link with a sentence, at most, to your Tumblr.

You post a link with a sentence, the same sentence, to your FaceBook or Twitter account.

People click the link on twitter and end up at your Tumblr where they now have to click another link just to get to your content.

Why do you hate people? Why can’t you be polite and not send us chasing dragons? Why would you force everyone to click at least twice to read the content that you want to share enough to actually try and share it? I’ve seen this, mind you, go four clicks deep. Twitter to Tumblr to another Tumblr to another… and then to content. And you know what? Fuck you.

I have a new rule – if I have to click more than twice to get to the content you want to share I will never follow another link of yours ever again. That’s it. I’m done.

When I link you to content I link you directly to that content! Every single time. There’s no endless rabbit hole of useless link blogging to dig through to get to bullshit. Never. And there never should be. I can’t imagine why anyone thinks that’s a good idea.

See, I understand that you want people to read your Tumblr, but if your link blogging is adding maybe two sentences about the content that you then just link to, you’re wasting everyone’s time and making us want to punch you in the brain pan. Seriously. A lot of people want to punch you in the brain pan. Most of them are simply too polite to say it. I’m done holding back on this one.

Stop wasting our time with your endless link blogging within link blogging and either generate some new content (No, really, if you have something thoughtful to say about the content you’re linking too then say it. Just use more than a sentence and give us real thoughts worth spending a click on, see?) or link directly to the content. Linking to your Tumblr as some sort of bullshit middleman just infuriates everyone. And it makes people wary of ever clicking on anyone’s link which isn’t fair to the rest of us who actually bother to link to real content every single time, regardless of it being at our site, your site or a strangers.

When I share a link I am making you a promise: There is something on the exact other end of that very first click that I think you will enjoy, want, etc. Every single link I place on Twitter or FaceBook comes with that promise.

If you can’t make the same promise back then do us all a favor and stop linking to things. We’ll get by, I promise.

A great thing to come home to.

November 22, 2010 awesome!, comics, pimpin' ain't easy 3 comments

And so – you see, I was the assistant editor on Popgun 3. Which won the Eisner for Best anthology this past year. D.J. Kirkbride, Mark Andrew Smith and Joe Keatinge were the bigwigs on it and got themselves some very deserved statues. Working on Popgun has been an awesome experience and being a part of an Eisner award winning team just blows my mind.

D.J. ordered me an Eisner certificate, however, and I was all “I dunno if I should hang it when I get it,” and “Maybe I shouldn’t even get it,” which were both silly. A few people who should know, including D.J. told me how silly it was to think either of those things. They’re right.

Today I got this in the mail from D.J.:

Man what a surprise to come home to. Need to get that framed.

Also, you should all go buy Popgun Volume 3 and Popgun Volume 4. Well and Popgun Vol. 1 and Popgun Volume 2 of course.

Introducing: The new Suck & My Dick letter!

November 18, 2010 brainmeats, pimpin' ain't easy 3 comments

In the nearing future I think we are all going to get some fun C&D letters. That’s a Cease & Desist letter. As more companies want to end Fair Use laws and people slap others for even daring to write something nasty on a blog (no really I’ve seen it – give a bad review to a product and they might C&D you to take it down) and other such bullshit – well I thought I should generate a nice form letter for us all to use.

And then I named it a Suck & My Dick letter. Because, let’s be honest here, I’m the kinda guy who writes letters like that. Anyway! Here it is, the S&MD letter. Feel free to send it to lawyers who annoy you.
————–
To Whom It May Concern

It has come to our attention that your recent letter (dated __________) seeking the fulfillment of a Cease and Desist order was, in fact, serious. You firmly believe that the literary/artistic/musical work entitled ______________(The “Work”) was created in order to lessen your client’s copyright holdings.

Similarly it has come to our attention that you believe the Work to have been something that needed or wanted your Permission to create. Though you may call it identical/substantially similar to your own original copyrighted Work there is, as always, a Fair Use clause that must be respected.

In terms of the Copyright Statutes, you are entitled to no injunction against our continued parody/use/satire/ill-will, as well as there being no damages to recover from us for the loss you have not suffered as a result of our non-infringing conduct.

Under the circumstances, we demand that you immediately:

1. cease all useless and boring threats of legal proceedings against us and notify us in writing that you have done so, so that we can hang them on the wall and point and laugh;

2. deliver-up for destruction all of the lawyers that suggested your previous course of action was sustainable, winnable and legally sound;

3. proceed to wrap your oral cavities (“Suck”) around our various and sundry genitals or genital-shaped replacements (Our “Dicks”);

We await to hear from you by no later than close of business on __________________________.

This is written without prejudice to our rights, all of which are hereby expressly reserved.

Yours faithfully,

NYCC! Radio appearance! Stuff!

September 30, 2010 administrative, books, imaginary friend, interviews, pimpin' ain't easy, radio 3 comments

Hey kids, it’s almost time for New York Comic-Con! This year that means something extra fun as I will be sharing a booth with Attila Adorjany, artist extraordinaire! Attila and I have a lot of fun together, we actually have to be careful about calling each other because we have ended up chatting till 6am just having discussions ranging from here to there, near and far.

So if you come by the booth (Booth #349 which if you click this link will show you a map!) we will not only try and sell you things (he makes shirts that I love and toys and art that is amazing! I will have all sorts of books and things extra cheap!) but we will talk to you and ask you to hang out. Seriously, we are designing our booth to be able to hang out with people. So come by and say hello and buy some stuff if you’re so inclined.

I mean, Christ, he sells barfing rainbow shirts. You need these (If you won’t be at the show you can order them here) and you know it.

Anyway! NYCC! Booth #349! Come by! Books and art and shirts and toys and good times and laughter. Yup. Spread the word. October 8th-10th at the Javitz.

But and so also, the 6th of October, Weds, two tiny days before the convention, I’ll be on the Joe Conte show. I don’t mean calling in, either. I will apparently be in the studio for this one. I don’t know how long or anything, but the show is worth listening to, regardless. Funny fucking shit goes down there. It also has a chat room and you can listen live on the intardwebs and everything. All at the show’s site: www.thejoeconteshow.com which is pretty easy to remember.

So I would be quite happy if you listened in. I’ll be there to promote NYCC and I Slept With Your Imaginary Friend, my newest book of essays and short fiction. I think it is now a goal in my life to get Joe Conte to discuss Dazzler with me, live on air. So look for that.

And that’s what’s going on, kinda mostly, sorta. Woo!

For immediate release: Adam P. Knave and D.J. Kirkbride announce new book!

June 21, 2010 awesome!, books, pimpin' ain't easy, writing 5 comments

You only think you know history. You went to school, you had your book learning, and chances are you might even think you’re pretty smart about historical events and the past that shaped the United States of America. You “know” that Abe Lincoln was shot, and killed. You “know” all about France giving us the Statue of Liberty, a hollow thing made of copper. You “know” how the first Continental Congress went.

You’re utterly fucking wrong.

That’s all right. We understand it. Most everyone is wrong. That’s why, in the early part of 2011, Adam P. Knave and D.J. Kirkbride will bring history to life. With their fists. This is the book that will teach you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth – so long as we define truth verrrry loosely. This is a gateway to real history! This book, right here!

Creative Guy Publishing is proud to present:

A Completely Inaccurate And Awesome History Of The United States

The tentative Table of Contents is as follows:
Chapter 1 – Jamestown and the Dragon
Chapter 2 – Plymouth Rocks!
Chapter 3 – The Alien/Ghost War (1664 – 1774)
Chapter 4 – Mr. and Mrs. Washington Go To War or That Love Triangle With Betsy Ross
Chapter 5 – Continental Fight Club or How Independence was really declared
Chapter 6 – Thomas Jefferson Goes to the Vegan System
Chapter 7 – Crisis on Multiple Wars of 1812!
Chapter 8 – The League of Super-Presidents is formed
Chapter 9 – Abe Lincoln – Bear fighter
Chapter 10 – The Truth Behind the Civil War or Dragons vs. Sasquatches
Chapter 11 – Why Lincoln had to Fake His Death or Abe Lincoln – Starfighter
Chapter 12 – America Subdues A Giant Robot – the Statue of Liberty Story
Chapter 13 – Vampire Theodore Roosevelt
Chapter 14 – World War I or How We Came To Love Mole People
Chapter 15 – The Chunk of Time that Time Forgot
Chapter 16 – World War II – Robot Gorilla Nazi Dance Party

Now, you may ask for Adam P. Knave or D.J. Kirkbride are. Instead of smacking you and teaching you proper respect for your elders we will tell you. Adam P. Knave is the author of several books, including STAYS CRUNCHY IN MILK and STRANGE ANGEL, and the webcomic Things Wrong With Me as well as some print comics and is the co-editor for the POPGUN comics anthology. D.J. Kirkbride is the author of SOULLESS: MAN WITHOUT A SOUL, ninja poetry and various print comics and is the editor of KILL ALL GIANTS, AQUA LEUNG as well as the co-editor of the POPGUN comics anthology. Together they are a literary Voltron – more than the sum of their parts. Just don’t ask which forms the head or you’ll start that fight again.

So remember – that’s A Completely Inaccurate And Awesome History Of The United States by Adam P. Knave and D.J. Kirkbride, coming early 2011 from Creative Guy Publishing. We’re perfectly serious. Brace yourselves.

For Immediate release: Popgun at The Comic Book Club, Feb 16th

January 5, 2010 awesome!, comics, NY Life, pimpin' ain't easy No comments

Feb 16th @ 8pm come see me, Vito Delsante and Nick Tapansky whore it up and laugh it up at the Comic Book Club with hosts Justin, Pete and Alex. The Comic Book Club is a live, weekly show about, well, comics. It’s perfectly hysterical, to be honest. So I’m a bit excited to be able to announce this very special event. Details below, but short form: Feb 16th, 8pm, @ The PIT, tickets are $5. Real details and such are below. I hope to see some of you there!

COMIC BOOK CLUB: A Live Weekly Talk Show about Comic Books

Hosted by Justin Tyler, Pete LePage, and Alex Zalben

Featuring:
***Popgun Spectacular!***
w/ Adam P. Knave
Vito Delsante &
Nick Tapansky

Tuesday, February 16th @ 8:00 PM

Tickets: $5
Online: ThePIT-NYC.com
Phone: 1-800-838-3006
Questions? 212-563-7488

The Peoples Improv Theater
154 West 29th Street, 2nd Floor
Between 6th and 7th Aves.

Check out the website:
http://www.popcultureshock.com/comicbookclub

Check out the web stuff:
http://www.youtube.com/comicbookclub

The show is sponsored in part by Midtown Comics:
http://www.midtowncomics.com

Check out the podcast on iTunes:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=273148505

write. play. ORDER IT NOW. repeat.

March 6, 2009 music, pimpin' ain't easy No comments

No, you know, I was gonna write this whole post about bee anus, but then I realized I have something far more important to talk about this morning. Though as an aside, do you think bee anuses are behind the stinger? Wouldn’t that suck? Like shitting around a reverse funnel! POOR BEES! No wonder they’re always so mad.

Oh, wait, right, something else!

Juliana Finch. Who? All right, look. Years ago I mentioned Rachael Sage and a bunch of you became fans. Then I revealed the magic that was S.J. Tucker to many of you, and look how that turned out! So trust me when I say that you want to start listening to Juliana Finch now. Because she is, frankly, awesome.

And even more awesome? You can pre-order her new double album online for only 9 bucks. Yes, seriously. Two CDs for 9 bucks.

blossoms/apples promises to be the best thing she’s done yet. And she’s done some great stuff. You can go to her site write. play. repeat. and listen to some of her stuff now. And then go pre-order the new one because – let me make this clear – double album, 9 bucks.

Now to be fair there is no set date for this album. She is doing pre-orders like this to raise the money needed to record it. So yeah, you’re helping small rock. Fuck, I love small rock! So you’ll join her mailing list and pre-order the thing and help small rock and indie music and be awesome!

I mean … lookit that girl. Do you want to make her cry?

You can also, of course, hear samples and buy her back catalog materials at her site, which is, once more with feeling: write. play. repeat.

So you’re going to do this for me. At the very least you’re going to go and listen and consider it. You know why? Because you’re all awesome people who give half a fuck that music needs to be owned and operated by the people making it, because you know that small rock … rocks, and because you can.

Thanks.

Asking for help, which is kinda hard to do.

February 26, 2009 administrative, brainmeats, burrito blade, pimpin' ain't easy, twwm No comments

I never really do this, but I will warn you it will happen again in a few months.

I actively want your help to spread the word about stuff. I am writing two ongoing webcomics. Seriously, every single day of the work week you can read a new comic, in some form, written by me.

The first is Legend of the Burrito Blade which updates Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Legend of the Burrito Blade is an epic fantasy story set in modern-day New York. It is also the story of how mythology affects us and how we effect mythology. It is also the story of how we choose sides and what those sides mean. And, you know, it has food based weaponry and silliness and action and humor and everything else you might expect. We are nearing the end of Chapter One this week (only a few weeks to go) and things are building. This story is oddly dear to my heart, because how often to you get to do a grand action comic featuring swords with burritos on the end?

Not often, my friend.

The other webcomic is Things Wrong With Me and it updates every Tuesday and Thursday. It’s a strange beast. Well not for readers here, I suppose. For folks here it is Talking Heads, done somewhere else with original characters. Of course, they also have expressions. Fancy! Things Wrong With Me is all about six friends who sit around, like we all do, and talk about life, and the strangeness that falls out of our heads.

And here’s where the asking comes in. The more readers each comic gets the more able I am to do them, as advertising on the sites will begin soon. Also more people reading means more chances for them to tell other people and so on. And then the more chances to do merchandising, which might sound base and money-grubbing but I promise it is stuff you will like. Well, no, I don’t promise that but I strongly think it is true.

But readers are what make all of this happen.

I am not asking for your money, though. All I am asking is that you give each comic a chance yourself and, if you enjoy them, you tell all your friends, more than once even, and link to the sites and help me drum up readers.

To help I give you tools!

How to read Legend of the Burrito Blade:

You can also use these icons on various blogs and such:

You can also use these small ads:

How to read Things Wrong With Me:

You can also use these icons on various blogs and such:

I do ask that if you use the heads … you do not make fake episodes. Please? Seriously, actually, I would consider that a personal favor. And don’t use them to comment on the site itself, mmkay? Just oddly rude, really. But use ‘em! Enjoy ‘em!

Also here is a small banner you can use:

So yeah, I am asking you to actively go and pimp stuff with and for me. If you don’t want to I won’t hold it against you. If you decide to, I will appreciate it. Also let me know how else I can help you pimp stuff, if you want. Seriously. Do you think an image of X size that was kinda like Y would help your readers? An icon of whatever? Tell me and I will try to make it happen.

I am also more than willing to do a mini blog tour about both comics: Interviews, writing things for your blogs and whatever else you want, to help promote these.

So, if you could, if you are so inclined – help a brother out.

Thank you! Either way, truly, thank you.

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