Wow I have been bad about keeping up with this.

There was another two parter on Things Wrong With Me. Episode 103 and Episode 104 which make up The 2010 Not-So-Great Drink-Off

Legend of the Burrito Blade updated of course.

On Mamapop I wrote an Uncap of House. An Uncap? I’ve never seen the show. So I watched the most recent episode and wrote about it in all my confusion.

Of course there was also a new Interpretive Dunce. This week it was Joy to the World by Three Dog Night.

Also there is still an auction open to raise money for Haiti. It’s over here and it is for the single rarest copy of Stays Crunchy in Milk there ever was or will be. Also, the bidding is in CAD keep in mind but if the price goes over 100 I will pay shipping to anywhere in the world (as I write this it is at 80CAD – and winner pays shipping) so go and bid! Also Canada apparently is going to match bids. Huh.

Anyway, there you go. Stuff!

A friend pointed out an auction to help Haiti. To Haiti With Love is a great collection of items you can bid on and help raise money. All proceeds go to help Broken Wings, which is the Canadian fundraising organization whose primary mission is to support the vision and ministry of the St. Joseph Family in Haiti, which includes the St. Joseph’s Home for Boys in Port-au Prince, Wings of Hope in Fermathe, and Trinity House in Jacmel.

Anyway! I wanted to help somehow but needed something worth putting up for auction. And then I remembered something cool. Back when Stays Crunchy in Milk came out the publisher produced exactly 34 hardcover copies. I stole one from him. I took number 1 of 34. I kept it separate and pondered what to do with it. I mean it becomes the single rarest copy of the book that will ever be made. Something cool had to be done with it.

Something cool was done with it. You can click that link and bid on the rarest copy of the book. You have until midnight, EST, Monday February 8th to get a bid in.

So go help some folks out and get the rarest of the rare. I knew I stole that copy for a reason. Once again, you can click here to go bid.

Thanks and please, spread the word.

Lots of stuff I missed. Woops.

Burrito Blade updated of course.

Things Wrong With Me has a two-parter go up this week with Episode 101 and Episode 102.

There was a new Interpretive Dunce this week, with A-HA’s Take On Me.

And for those of you who own one: You can now buy STAYS CRUNCHY IN MILK on the Kindle.

There is a new page of Burrito Blade up (Vol 1, chapter 6, page 18)

And as we slide toward the holiday faster and faster some readers would like to remind you that while chilling under your Xmas tree waiting for Santa, reading material may be required:

You can buy YOUR copy here.

So here’s the deal. My publisher and I were discussing possible contests. We like contests. And one thing led to another and here we are with a copy of the Complete Farscape on DVD on its way. A copy we’re going to give away to one of you.

What’s Farscape?
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John Crichton. Astronaut. Flung through a wormhole and lost in a galaxy far from home. He finds himself in the middle of a prison break, surrounded by hostile aliens, soaring through space inside a glorious living space ship called Moya. Hunted by the relentless Peacekeepers, he allies himself with his unimaginably alien fellow refugees and searches for a way home.

So begins the epic sci-fi classic Farscape. A fusion of live action, state-of-the-art puppetry, prosthetics and CGI, Farscape features mind-boggling alien life forms, dazzling special effects, edge-of-your-seat thrills, irreverent humor and unforgettable characters — all brought to life by the creative minds at Jim Henson’s Creature Shop. No wonder it’s been called the most imaginative sci-fi series in television history.

Here, in time for the series’ tenth anniversary, are all four Farscape seasons, 88 episodes, together for the first time in one epic collection. These are the adventures of Moya’s crew — Crichton, Peacekeeper Aeryn Sun, warrior Ka D’Argo, azure priestess Zhaan, spritely thief Chiana, Dominar Rigel, Pilot and many others. Like Moya herself, this package contains amazing surprises including hours of bonus materials, making-of featurettes, commentaries, interviews, deleted scenes and much more. Prepare for Starburst!
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Here’s how to win it:

I have a book out, Stays Crunchy in Milk. It’s a pop culture road trip, a novel about friendship and growing up. A parable for 30yr olds. Here’s the blurb for the book:
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They were four: Wereberry the strawberry werewolf, Choco-Ra the chocolate mummy, The Creature From the Fruit Lagoon (his friends call him “T.C.”), and Cherrygeist the… well she was a ghost. At least, until she wasn’t. One day, she wasn’t there at all. And then they were three.

Three friends who have sworn to search for her to the ends of the world and beyond – to find and save her.

Through familiar lands to places startling and unknown – across looming castles, endless battlefields and simple brick roads – these three friends will hunt and search and scour every inch. Along the way they’ll have to rely on a whole lot of luck and a little bit of charm, but mostly each other.

A fairy tale for the super-sugar generation, Stays Crunchy in Milk is a road novel packed with 100% of your recommended daily allowance of essential action and adventure. And it’s a delicious part of a nutritious breakfast.
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Here’s what you need to do, now, to get this ball rolling. Follow this link to the book and buy a copy. Take a picture of yourself with the book. Leave the picture, or a link to the picture, as a comment to this entry.

On December 18th we will randomly pick one person and then we will mail out a copy of The Complete Farscape to them! That’s it. Buy a book, take a picture, win a set of DVDs.

And now some fine print: Make sure the email field in your comment is correct, because we will need it to contact you if you win. We will not keep your email address or use it for anything other than winner notification. This whole shebang is only open to residents of the U.S. and Canada, the DVDs will be Region 1 encoded, keep in mind. Henson and A&E have nothing do to with this madness. This contest is sponsored by Creative Guy Press.

EDIT: Contest closed. Ed Hickox has won. Thanks for playing.

Christian Dumais interviewed me about Crunchy, writing and other such things. I managed to say something about … well… sleeping with your readers, kind of. I… sometimes these things get said.

Anyway! Enjoy!

You can read the full interview right here!

First off: Christian Dumais takes time away from writing awesome short stories and reviews Stays Crunchy in Milk at his site. Tomorrow there will be an interview.

He says “Stays Crunchy in Milk is one of the year’s best literary surprises.” See that? I’m a surprise and literary! Wait. What? Hmm. Does that mean I leapt out of a big cake made of Joyce? Who knows! But go read the review and then buy the book. It makes a great holiday gift.

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I have a friend who lives in a small town. I mean small. Like tiny. Like small small town. And I got this email, from said friend: “Did you know if you use the words “Egregious Civil Rights Violation” in a town board meeting, you’ll get a call from the town attorney that very night?”

My gut reaction was typed into my reply. I couldn’t stop myself: “Did he try to ban dancing? Do they do that in small towns? I’ve seen Foot Loose, I know how these things work!”

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More later.

Still on the fence about buying Stays Crunchy in Milk? Not sure if it is the book for you? Well here is some more incentive:

People read this book in Krakow! In front of churches the size of Godzilla. Because everyone wants to read this book, even religious Polish folk, out and about in the cold. Even the priests. And nuns. Damn right.

If you send me a picture of you and the book in some pretty locale I’ll post it. I have no shame. And I like thinking my book is getting places I don’t get to visit. It’s a small victory.

So don’t forget to buy Stays Crunchy in Milk. It likes to travel.

On the fence about buying Stays Crunchy in Milk? Not sure if it is the book for you? Well here is some incentive:

People read the book on the beach. They are approachable. People like other people who read the book. It’s a conversation starter and something to really talk about, long term. It’s the type of book that ends up with women in bikinis lounging in Mexico reading it.

Or, you know, if you send me a picture of you and the book in some pretty locale I’ll post it. Whichever theory you want to go with. I mean, damn, if I was on that pretty a beach I don’t know that I’d stop to read a book, but hey! who am I to say no?

So don’t forget to buy Stays Crunchy in Milk. It’s an important tool for relaxing on vacation.

Don’t forget that you can buy a copy of Stays Crunchy in Milk! You should at least consider it. And hey, if you have bought it, thank you! To you I ask if you have considered adding a review to Amazon for the book. Every bit helps. Thanks!

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One of the things you learn quickly is that books only work if people read them. Pimping is a constant thing, and word of mouth above all else can make or break a book. Which is really funky for me because while I know it I am bad about it.

I like putting things out there and stepping back. That’s, by the way, bad. But it is my reflex, to get out of the work’s way. It just means the work lays there a bit more than I might like. And frankly that can be dangerous. Because the more things lay there the less the next thing does well and so on.

So I have to start building ways to build word of mouth more often.

I got this whole internet though. And a lot of friends. So yeah I ask for your help. Spread the word some. Let me know how I can help you spread the word and what you think would make the book sell more. Publisher can’t cut the price. He is going to release a kindle version for as cheap as we can, there will prolly not be another ebook version outside of the kindle. Possibly a DRM-free PDF version. Maybe. There is a 70-odd page section of the book for free download right now. Over 1000 people have downloaded it! It hasn’t helped sales.

Now that may be because the book sucks. It is possible. It may be because people download it and then read it and then don’t bother buying the book, or plan to and will later or a million other things. But without an uptick in sales it is hard to judge, really.

But ideas are welcome and asked for.