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So yesterday I ended Talked Heads for good. That wasn’t really the easiest choice I’ve made, but it had to be done. Let me tell you some true things about doing Talking Heads.

For as long as I’ve been doing it I have felt slightly annoyed by the whole affair. I was using other people’s characters in ways that I wanted to do things for myself. But using those characters meant I couldn’t do too much of it, or too loudly or even easily make a big deal out of it. Even with it falling under satire the fact is that the pictures themselves weren’t mine to use, not really, and damn it they weren’t my characters.

And yet I did things to them, gave them certain voices and made them mine. But never in a way I could benefit from or use or really feel ownership about. And that was always frustrating, and just grew more so over the long, long, time I did the thing.

Now when I first started Talking Heads it was just Shatner and Feldman and wasn’t supposed to happen more than once or twice. But it grew a cast and a voice and people liked it and it was fun, mostly, for me to do and … yeah you see what happened. I generally had as much fun writing them as you did reading them (unless you hated the thing in which case I had more fun) except for that nagging feeling that it was never really mine at all. And I know this sounds like a downer of a post but keep going, it has a big payoff in a while.
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Hey!

Hey, Feldawg.

What’s up, Shatmeister?

You haven’t heard?

Heard what?

We’ve been cancelled.

What?! … What?! …. WHAT?!
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So, hey, Bill, I saw the new Start Trek trailer last night…

Shut it.

No, it was … interesting. I mean, at least I see why they didn’t use you in the film.

Why do you need to bring this shit up, Feldawg? I just want to move past it.

No, seriously, have you seen it?

No! Why would I watch it?

Because I’m in it?
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Hey man, how was the holiday?

Pretty good, you know, I had my family over, we ate a lot – the usual. You?

Pretty much the same. That’s us. Two family men, celebrating family with our families.

Dear lord, try and work the word family in there once more why don’t you? What happened? Stripper buffet?

They have a really good buffet at the club, what can I say?

And your family?

They went to somewhere.

They “went to somewhere,” that’s the best you can do?

It was somewhere good, I’m pretty sure.
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Come on, it’d be more interesting and more socially relevant!

Maybe, but it’s just mean.

Do you have something against alternative lifestyles then?

No! I just don’t think he would appreciate this conversation.

Did I mention more interesting as well as far more socially relevant?

I don’t know…

S/He-Man and the Gender Questioning Masters of the Universe! Come on!
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Yes originally this was going to be published on the 30th or 31st. But this is the 29th and here it is. Whatever.
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Welcome to the first and only Talking Heads Presidential debate. I’m William Shatner and I will be your host for the evening. Both candidates have agreed to answer questions from the audience. I will moderate and keep them in line. I have a phaser. It’s on Stun.

But for now let me introduce the candidates!

Let me, Bill!

Feldman! You aren’t involved in this.

Am now. Can I, please?

Sure.
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JEM! I’m gonna live forever! I’m gonna learn how to fly! HIGH!

I feel it coming together! People will see me and cry! JEM!

That’s not how that…

It’s my theme song all right, Brucie?

No, it’s the lyrics to Fame, by Irene Cara, except you seem to just replace “Fame” with your name.
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Remember, the Talking Heads Presidential Debate between Doctor Doom and General Zod will happen on October 30th or 31st (depending on schedules) right here! But now, before the debate…

Have you heard?

Yes, fleshbag, of course I heard. Does not all information flow through my circuits?

You wish it did, useless vacuum cleaner of a device.

I can vaporize you.

Then do it.

I… I don’t want to just yet.
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So it looks like I will be seeing Rollins at the end of this month and Rev. Horton Heat mid next month. I will also have some great company early next month, and then late next month again as some of my favorite people come to town. There’s also a wedding to go to at the end of the month.
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REMEMBER You only have until midnight (EST) tomorrow to put in your question for the Doom vs Zod presidential debate.
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I love beards. I’ve had once since about junior year of High School, and except for a few months in the early 90’s I have always had me a full beard. I’ve worn it long and shaggy (once while wearing a plaid hunting-type jacket the sister of one of my best friends saw me walking down the street, had never met me, and said to her brother “Look at the lumberjack,” all right?) and I have worn it very short. I shape it differently every now and then and generally just enjoy having a beard. Beards are good.

But here’s something they might not warn you about, regarding beards. It’s something you learn with time and cursing. Beards, when freshly trimmed by an electric razor, are sharp. The hairs are often short, spiky and have an edge at an angle. Which means that when your chin itches a bit, because that does happen in life, and you reach up to scratch it you may stab yourself. It isn’t bad but it is a tiny splinter. And I mean tiny. Little hair.

Pain. In. The. Ass. Or finger, as the case may be.
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And because I don’t think I remembered to post these:
Bloodsport: The Mentos commercial

and American Psycho: The Mentos commercial

COMING SOON – DOOM / ZOD the presidential debate!

VS.

Yes, that’s right. There will be a special Talking Heads edition later this week. It will be between two men we all know should be in office: Doctor Doom and General Zod It will be moderated by Shatner.

Here’s how you can help!

Debates need questions. I don’t mean just silly questions. I mean real questions you would want answered in a real debate. Doom and Zod will answer them.

NOT ALL QUESTIONS WILL BE USED.

But feel free to tell some friends, leave questions in comments here and await the showdown of all showdowns! DOOM / ZOD! Only one can rule! Will one kneel?

ASK YOUR QUESTIONS! Test them on experience, plans, wisdom, education, the environment! GO FOR IT!

The Debate will be held either on Thursday, October 30 or Friday October 31 depending on things, so all questions MUST BE RECEIVED by midnight, EST, Weds October 15, 2008.