Come on, it’d be more interesting and more socially relevant!

Maybe, but it’s just mean.

Do you have something against alternative lifestyles then?

No! I just don’t think he would appreciate this conversation.

Did I mention more interesting as well as far more socially relevant?

I don’t know…

S/He-Man and the Gender Questioning Masters of the Universe! Come on!
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Yes originally this was going to be published on the 30th or 31st. But this is the 29th and here it is. Whatever.
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Welcome to the first and only Talking Heads Presidential debate. I’m William Shatner and I will be your host for the evening. Both candidates have agreed to answer questions from the audience. I will moderate and keep them in line. I have a phaser. It’s on Stun.

But for now let me introduce the candidates!

Let me, Bill!

Feldman! You aren’t involved in this.

Am now. Can I, please?

Sure.
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JEM! I’m gonna live forever! I’m gonna learn how to fly! HIGH!

I feel it coming together! People will see me and cry! JEM!

That’s not how that…

It’s my theme song all right, Brucie?

No, it’s the lyrics to Fame, by Irene Cara, except you seem to just replace “Fame” with your name.
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Remember, the Talking Heads Presidential Debate between Doctor Doom and General Zod will happen on October 30th or 31st (depending on schedules) right here! But now, before the debate…

Have you heard?

Yes, fleshbag, of course I heard. Does not all information flow through my circuits?

You wish it did, useless vacuum cleaner of a device.

I can vaporize you.

Then do it.

I… I don’t want to just yet.
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So it looks like I will be seeing Rollins at the end of this month and Rev. Horton Heat mid next month. I will also have some great company early next month, and then late next month again as some of my favorite people come to town. There’s also a wedding to go to at the end of the month.
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REMEMBER You only have until midnight (EST) tomorrow to put in your question for the Doom vs Zod presidential debate.
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I love beards. I’ve had once since about junior year of High School, and except for a few months in the early 90’s I have always had me a full beard. I’ve worn it long and shaggy (once while wearing a plaid hunting-type jacket the sister of one of my best friends saw me walking down the street, had never met me, and said to her brother “Look at the lumberjack,” all right?) and I have worn it very short. I shape it differently every now and then and generally just enjoy having a beard. Beards are good.

But here’s something they might not warn you about, regarding beards. It’s something you learn with time and cursing. Beards, when freshly trimmed by an electric razor, are sharp. The hairs are often short, spiky and have an edge at an angle. Which means that when your chin itches a bit, because that does happen in life, and you reach up to scratch it you may stab yourself. It isn’t bad but it is a tiny splinter. And I mean tiny. Little hair.

Pain. In. The. Ass. Or finger, as the case may be.
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And because I don’t think I remembered to post these:
Bloodsport: The Mentos commercial

and American Psycho: The Mentos commercial

COMING SOON – DOOM / ZOD the presidential debate!

VS.

Yes, that’s right. There will be a special Talking Heads edition later this week. It will be between two men we all know should be in office: Doctor Doom and General Zod It will be moderated by Shatner.

Here’s how you can help!

Debates need questions. I don’t mean just silly questions. I mean real questions you would want answered in a real debate. Doom and Zod will answer them.

NOT ALL QUESTIONS WILL BE USED.

But feel free to tell some friends, leave questions in comments here and await the showdown of all showdowns! DOOM / ZOD! Only one can rule! Will one kneel?

ASK YOUR QUESTIONS! Test them on experience, plans, wisdom, education, the environment! GO FOR IT!

The Debate will be held either on Thursday, October 30 or Friday October 31 depending on things, so all questions MUST BE RECEIVED by midnight, EST, Weds October 15, 2008.

AaaaaaaaahaHAHahahaAHAHaha!

It isn’t funny.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Yes! It is!

You made a blue skinned robot duplicate of me.

And I fondled it!

You… what? Sick freak.

Did you know you aren’t hung well?
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So this is a real conversation that took place in IM.

APK: You should become a life coach

D.J.: Haha… whaaaah?

APK: Like people would pay you and you could tell them what do! MINIONS THAT PAY YOU! …isn’t that how it… I think that’s how it works.

D.J.: But… I do not know how to win at life. How could I help others?

APK: Dude “Get more different colored pegs in the car bit.”

D.J.: Whaaa…?

APK: You know, when you play Life? That’s a good way to win.

D.J.: Ah, haha… I’ve never played it. I don’t think. Weird.

APK: Funky. I used to play with an accident rule. If you move your car too fast cause you’re all “I wanna get to the good square”? You might drive off the road and have an accident. Then we tip your car and if a peg falls out that family member dies.

D.J.: Whoa. Hardcore!

APK: Mostly it was ’cause it was funnier if there was death on the line

D.J.: That’s a fact.

APK: And my status on Facebook: “Adam needs to remember that when the mountain doesn’t come to you – punch the mountain in the dick”

D.J.: Haha! Nice. Sound advice. I think you should be the life coach.

APK: Naw. My advice would just always be like “Get out there and play, slugger!” “But… coach! That’s TRAFFIC!” “G’wan, slugger.”

D.J.: Hahahaha!

Why are you guys carrying picket signs?

Don’t you know what today is?

Stupid fleshbag!

Jeez, Shatner, how could you forget?

Lemme see those signs. What? So what if it’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day?

So what? DRAW!
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There are some books that seep under your skin. I have a few books I read over and over again. After a while, when you’ve read a book enough that it is part of your waking memory at all times, it can slip into your being, without you fully noticing.

Dhalgren has done that to me. I mean, it did it years ago but there you have it. I just finished another re-read of it and find myself, my internal constant monologue, colored by the book again. For a few days I’ll notice the sky more, think about the small every day seconds a bit clearer and wonder why we live our lives the way we do a bit more often.

My mental speech pattern shifts for a few days, fully.

There aren’t many books that do it to me, anymore. Just the three: Dhalgren, Illuminatus! and Lonesome Dove. I don’t know why those three, either, but they do. I can read, and re-read, them endlessly and each time I do I have a few days where I am myself+bookhead. I enjoy it, but it also kinda messes with me.

I dunno. Rambly.

Oh, and I was gonna start posting new free fiction today but due to having my keyboard die this Saturday and not getting a replacement until Sunday and then having to do all my Saturday work on Sunday and getting dates confused – I left the file at home. Makes it hard to post. So sorry about that. I will start it tomorrow or Weds.

If you like Talking Heads I did a bit on the footnote on Friday that was … well … Talking Heads, but with footnote staff. It’s the start of a new thing called Pipe Dreams.

Books I have on the way:

* Neal Stephenson’s Anathem
* Stan Nicholl’s Orcs
* Ernest Tidyman’s Shaft: Among the Jews
* Matthew Stover’s Caine Black Knife (Oct 14th, mind you so on the way is loose)

I still have to read Malfi’s Passenger as well.

I am awash in great looking books!

More later.