So Attila was telling me about something and he included a bit that sparked something else in my head and so now I present to you the hit T.V. find of the day week month year decade – CSI: Metallica

Starring:
Detective James Hetfield – Lead Vocals / Rhythm Guitar / Forensic Anthropology
Detective Lars Ulrich – Drums / Criminalistics
Detective Kirk Hammett – Lead Guitar / Vocals / Digital Forensics
Detective Robert Trujillo – Bass / Vocals / Forensic Entomology

Hetfield: All right boys, what’ve we got?

Ulrich: I think it was illegal downloaders, man.
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But I had to make it. I had to.

Forty years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a Bingo court for a crime they didn’t commit. These women promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Floridian underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of the Wheel of Fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The Golden-Team.

Blanche: Damn it, girls, we need to take that bake sale. Now I can get us in, I know the waiter, if you know what I mean.

Rose: I say we steal a helicopter!

Blanche: You’re crazy.

Dorothy: And I’m not gettin’ in no flying thing!

Sophia: All you gol’bricks can shut it! We go in on my count, and we’re the only ones that walk out. Got it?

The A-Team opening, done with Star Wars. I wanna watch that show.

Almost two and a half minutes of Robin’s “Holy ___” exclamations from the Adam West Batman show. Enjoy.

So it’s time for some more good top ten list action. Today it’ll be the Top Ten TV Shows of the Decade. I don’t watch much TV. 99% of what I watch is done on DVD and not anything like close to live. So yeah, that affects how I view stuff. It also doesn’t mean a damn thing. Shows were chosen because I love them more than other shows. So here are my picks, in no particular order:

The Shield
This is, quite simply, the best TV show ever made. It’s dark and mean and wonderful. No one is “good” or “bad” among the main characters. No one is clean. The world is an expanse of moral gray. It’s also incredibly tightly written, directed and shot with a unique style, uses music like no other show (by not using background music at all past the pilot and the very rare bit of montage, maybe once a season) and… frankly most shows go up and down. They peak and valley. Shield goes in a straight line, up, for 7 seasons. Each one is better than the last.

Scrubs
While technically this show is still on, for me it ran 8 seasons and ended. And they were, for the most part, a great 8 seasons. What with House before there was House, a medical drama that could be incredibly dramatic and comedy that could be perfectly hysterical, Scrubs had everything you could want in a half-hour sitcom. It’s just so perfectly watchable, you know? It had a few weak seasons, but overall the show was just always touching and funny and spot-on.
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(via lots of places but right now Commercial Appeal) Arlington mayor fires at Obama online.

In the opinion of Arlington Mayor Russell Wiseman, President Barack Obama’s speech on Tuesday night on the war in Afghanistan was deliberately timed to block the Christian message of the “Peanuts” television Christmas special.

Wiseman made the statements on his Facebook page, where he declared Obama to be a Muslim. Only people on Wiseman’s “friend’s list” had access to the post. He has more than 1,600 friends on Facebook.

“Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch ‘The Charlie Brown Christmas Special’ and our muslim president is there, what a load…..try to convince me that wasn’t done on purpose. Ask the man if he believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he will give you a 10 minute disertation (sic) about it….w…hen the answer should simply be ‘yes’….”

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Wait. What?

Yeah. So this guy goes on to be all “Well I posted it online and it wasn’t public,” because he still thinks that no one would ever send that shit anywhere. I don’t care, if you post something online, even private, it can get out. But let’s move away from that and back to the “holy fuck sticks what the fuck just happened” of the situation. Can you imagine what this guy thinks happened?

Obama is in the Oval Office, contemplating what to do. Then he has an idea. The easiest way to destroy the morale and religious center of this country, since the country is so obviously only Christian and since Obama is obviously Muslim (except it isn’t and he isn’t but why bother with facts?), is to thwart the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. Without that, why, we’ll just all turn into pinko commie bastards, I suppose.

First of all, best, pettiest abuse of power ever! Secondly, seriously? The fucking Peanuts special matters that much? Now, if Obama gave a speech and managed to take every airing of It’s A Wonderful Life out, every one for the entire season, I might think he was up to something.

And just think! This paranoid, raving lunatic is in office! Hooray!

So you know how people redub video and it never syncs right? Well this time it does. Why? Because the people doing this made sure to say things that matched the characters movements. Of course, those were random things that happened to fit… this is one of the strangest videos ever. Star Trek: TNG with random sentences. Somehow I find it hysterical.

Our bones break every day,
Pain’s always headed our way.
Prepare for a hospital stay,
Down at Fragile Rock.

Bruises never go away,
Pain won’t stay away.
Let the Fragiles heal,
We’re Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.

Our bones break every day,
Pain’s always headed our way.
Prepare for a hospital stay,
Down at Fragile Rock.
Down at Fragile Rock.
Down at Fragile Rock

Boober: Come on, guys, let’s go pick some flowers!

Red: All right I… OW!

Mokey: Red?

Red: That stiff breeze! I broke my arm!

Boober: We’re so fragile! Let’s go inside and set your arm! We can make a game of it!

Gobo: Why is Boober always yelling?

Wembley: His ear drums burst when a bird flew too close.

Gobo: We’re so fragile.

Wembley: Yaaaay.

Mokey: I hate my life and want to die.

Wembley: Yaaaay.

So here’s the deal. My publisher and I were discussing possible contests. We like contests. And one thing led to another and here we are with a copy of the Complete Farscape on DVD on its way. A copy we’re going to give away to one of you.

What’s Farscape?
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John Crichton. Astronaut. Flung through a wormhole and lost in a galaxy far from home. He finds himself in the middle of a prison break, surrounded by hostile aliens, soaring through space inside a glorious living space ship called Moya. Hunted by the relentless Peacekeepers, he allies himself with his unimaginably alien fellow refugees and searches for a way home.

So begins the epic sci-fi classic Farscape. A fusion of live action, state-of-the-art puppetry, prosthetics and CGI, Farscape features mind-boggling alien life forms, dazzling special effects, edge-of-your-seat thrills, irreverent humor and unforgettable characters — all brought to life by the creative minds at Jim Henson’s Creature Shop. No wonder it’s been called the most imaginative sci-fi series in television history.

Here, in time for the series’ tenth anniversary, are all four Farscape seasons, 88 episodes, together for the first time in one epic collection. These are the adventures of Moya’s crew — Crichton, Peacekeeper Aeryn Sun, warrior Ka D’Argo, azure priestess Zhaan, spritely thief Chiana, Dominar Rigel, Pilot and many others. Like Moya herself, this package contains amazing surprises including hours of bonus materials, making-of featurettes, commentaries, interviews, deleted scenes and much more. Prepare for Starburst!
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Here’s how to win it:

I have a book out, Stays Crunchy in Milk. It’s a pop culture road trip, a novel about friendship and growing up. A parable for 30yr olds. Here’s the blurb for the book:
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They were four: Wereberry the strawberry werewolf, Choco-Ra the chocolate mummy, The Creature From the Fruit Lagoon (his friends call him “T.C.”), and Cherrygeist the… well she was a ghost. At least, until she wasn’t. One day, she wasn’t there at all. And then they were three.

Three friends who have sworn to search for her to the ends of the world and beyond – to find and save her.

Through familiar lands to places startling and unknown – across looming castles, endless battlefields and simple brick roads – these three friends will hunt and search and scour every inch. Along the way they’ll have to rely on a whole lot of luck and a little bit of charm, but mostly each other.

A fairy tale for the super-sugar generation, Stays Crunchy in Milk is a road novel packed with 100% of your recommended daily allowance of essential action and adventure. And it’s a delicious part of a nutritious breakfast.
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Here’s what you need to do, now, to get this ball rolling. Follow this link to the book and buy a copy. Take a picture of yourself with the book. Leave the picture, or a link to the picture, as a comment to this entry.

On December 18th we will randomly pick one person and then we will mail out a copy of The Complete Farscape to them! That’s it. Buy a book, take a picture, win a set of DVDs.

And now some fine print: Make sure the email field in your comment is correct, because we will need it to contact you if you win. We will not keep your email address or use it for anything other than winner notification. This whole shebang is only open to residents of the U.S. and Canada, the DVDs will be Region 1 encoded, keep in mind. Henson and A&E have nothing do to with this madness. This contest is sponsored by Creative Guy Press.

EDIT: Contest closed. Ed Hickox has won. Thanks for playing.