Someone asked me about porn the other day and I got to thinking about robots. Not that robots turn me on, but rather as robot use grows and robots gain the ability to make choices and eventually some semblance of intelligence what will their porn look like?

The way I see it, most robot porn will be fairly bleak for humans. It’ll be a lot of machines making other machines. Car assembly lines will be considered orgies, if you see what I mean. And there will be a lot of that sort of thing. Robots will be getting off to it, and telling us humans that they’re just “watching documentaries” for years.

But some robots… well they’ll make porn that features robots in a human shape having sex as if they were humans. These fetishists, really the robot equivalent of furries, will be outcast by their people for their ways and made fun of.

“Ew, you get off to a hip based piston going into a socket like that? And why does it squirt oil? What’s wrong with you, Bob? You sick freak.”

Except really it’ll be in binary and Bob’s name is SIG9382YT-9Edks, but you get the idea.

And Bob will sputter and protest and stammer a bit and slink away, unable to really put forth his position that no one should judge him, no one is getting hurt and he’s enjoying himself. That’ll come with time. Robots will accept their fetishes after a while.

But in the space between the start of the Fleshies movement and eventual robot acceptance I think we need to remember our part in this. We need to be there for the robots and help them understand that this is all perfectly natural.

Just… don’t offer to sleep with them. Sharp edges, chafing and loose electrical wires, man. Play it safe. Offer guidance and acceptance at a distance.

I just feel that we need to start preparing now for the future. The self-worth of countless robots is in our hands. That’s all. It’s selfless and sane and increases the joy of the world.

Also, by declaring myself a counselor for robot fetishes now I hope to survive the coming robot wars and prove my worth to our new overlords. You know, just in case. Cover all your bases, my folks used to say. Of course they were killed by a toaster (no they weren’t) and yet I still harbor no grudges against machine-kind over that (yes I do).

But yes. Fleshies. The first widespread robot sex fetish. You heard it here first.

I have to admit something to you. Whenever I think of Prince getting angry I think of the same scene, over and over again.

Prince gets mad – maybe someone left the milk on the counter. Maybe they let a giraffe out of his zoo. Maybe they simply snickered at his latest vest – I don’t know what set him off.

Who really ever knows what sets Prince off? Honkys. Honkys giving him lip probably set Prince off something fierce.

Mind you the script actually goes like this:

Prince: What did you say, Honky?

Honky: I said those shoes are stupid looking.

Prince: Bitch, you did not.

Honky: Well, I was just saying… I mean… they’re kinda dumb.

Prince: Oh that’s it, Honky!

So let’s say some Honky set Prince off. What happens? Well first Prince hits the guy. Or kicks him. Or, hell, this is Prince, grabs two buttons off his vest and reveals that they have a razor wire between them which he then uses to cut a bitch. This is Prince, remember – don’t assume this isn’t exactly what happens.
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