OH EM GEE

And now I will give you the coolest thing in quite some time.

Are you ready? Because I hope you are ready.


Yeah, so what. Lego blocks. Sure they are in a neet case. But they are Lego blocks, and while cool, not the coolest… What’s that? Oh right.

They’re MAGNETIC Lego blocks!

The backs are magnetic. Magnetic Lego! $14.99 gets you that set of them (14 2×4 bricks in assorted colors) seen here. Go buy Magnetic Lego bricks!

Oh man, how fucking cool is that?

Magnetic! Lego!

Round One – POOP!


How can you not want to bid on the Mortal Kombat toilet seat?

Granted they spelled Kombat ‘Combat’ like losers. And uhmm granted it is a Mortal Kombat toilet seat. But it’s never been used! Also the desc of the item wants you to know that: “This Toilet Seat was designed and created by George Eckersley. He has been creating toilet seats in cental Utah for three years.”

Also one of their suggestions for what to do with it? “Put Kombat in the bathroom” which I know I have been looking for a way to do since… no I haven’t.

After you purchase the Mortal Kombat toilet seat you can probably go find a brand new Contra bidet cover. You know, the spread gun and all. Yeah.

Footnote Update!

It’s that time again! Time for a new update at TheFootnote.net! Not only does this update feature the start of two brand new columns but one of them is an advice column!

Also there is a new:


This update: Frankenstein’s Monster

So there ya go! Letters From Heck, Reality Is What You Make It, Transmissions From My Childhood (about Voltron this time!) and more more more! Also: I review Sirens, S. J. Tucker’s newest CD.

So go forth and read! Because I said so! Because you want to! Because… uhm… you’re sick of looking at porn.

Bor-ouch

Borat – aka Sacha Baron Cohen – has been attacked after a prank backfired.

The comedian – who created the fake sexist and racist Kazakhstan reporter Borat – approached a man in New York and said: “I like your clothes. Are nice! Please may I buying? I want have sex with it.”

The man didn’t find his comments funny and punched Cohen in the face.

Cohen cried out for help, but his pleas were ignored and he was repeatedly hit.

Fellow British actor Hugh Laurie finally rushed to Cohen’s aid, managing to push the man away and drag the comedian to his feet.

A source told Britain’s The Sun newspaper: “Sacha couldn’t resist playing the fool as Borat, but he picked the wrong person. I guess this guy thought he was being attacked by someone unstable and lashed out. Sacha is very lucky he didn’t get a much worse beating.”

The incident happened after Cohen and Laurie appeared on US TV show ‘Saturday Night Live’.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead

Guildenstern: All your life you live so close to brains they become a permanent hunger in the pit of your stomach. And when something nudges it into outline, it’s like being ambushed by a grotesque, and yet tasty thing

Guildenstern: Who was the first person you remember eating?
Rosencrantz: … No, it’s no good. It was a long time ago.
Guildenstern: No, you don’t take my meaning. Who ‘s the first person you remember eating after all the people you’ve forgotten sucking the brains out of?
Rosencrantz: Oh, I see… I’ve forgotten the question..

Rosencrantz: Hmmm. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains.
*Guildenstern grabs the coin, looks at it, then tosses it back to Rosencrantz*
Rosencrantz: Brains.
*Guildenstern pulls a coin out of his own pocket and flips it*
Rosencrantz: Bet? Brains I win?
*Guildenstern looks at coin and tosses it to Rosencrantz*
Rosencrantz: Again? Brains.

Rosencrantz: What’s the matter with you today?
Guildenstern: When?
Rosencrantz: What?
Guildenstern: Are you undead?
Rosencrantz: Am I undead?
Guildenstern: Yes or no?
Rosencrantz: Is there a choice?
Guildenstern: Is there George Romero?
Rosencrantz: Foul! No non sequiturs! Three… two, one game all.
Guildenstern: Do you like brains?
Rosencrantz: Do you?
Guildenstern: You first.
Rosencrantz: Statement! One… love.
Guildenstern: What kinds of brains do you eat when you’re at home?
Rosencrantz: What about you?
Guildenstern: When I’m at home?
Rosencrantz: Do you eat different ones at home?
Guildenstern: What home?
Rosencrantz: Haven’t you got one?
Guildenstern: Why do you ask?
Rosencrantz: What are you driving at?
Guildenstern: Do you like brains?
Rosencrantz: Repetition! Two… love. Match point.
Guildenstern: How undead do you think you are?
Rosencrantz: Rhetoric! Game and match!

Talking Heads – back to ShatFeldog basics.

Hey, yo!

What up, Shat?

So I got this new TV show…

The game show one? “Who Wants to be a Toupee Owner?”

No! It’s called…

Puffy Legal?

Fuck off, Feldman. No. “Show me the Money”

Like the tom Cruise movie?

We recognize no affiliation with the movie “Jerry Maguire”, nor do we recognize any attempts at saying that we have taken, rightly or wrongly, a slogan from that movie instead of a normal use term.

Lawyers, huh?

Yeah. But, uhhh… totally like that fucking Cruise movie. With less Scientology.

That sucks! A Scientology game show would fucking rock!

HAhahaha yeah it would, wouldn’t it? “I’ll take ‘Things Xenon eats’ for a hundred.”

It is not a religion, or a scam, it is simply a basis of faith damn you, IRS.

What is… Scientology?

YOU WIN!

HAHAhahah! Christ those fuckers are freaky.

So anyway, your game show? Any good?

No. Wanna join my DVD club?

You, sir, have made selling out an art form.

Selling out? Fuck you. Earning some scratch. I do what I have to. I’m not ashamed of it.

No, you leave the being ashamed of you to the rest of us.

Jealous much?

Yeah. Kinda.

Thought so. Listen, Priceline will need someone to replace me…

Hot damn! Priceline ads bring all the wimmin!

Not… really…

Well they pay well!

Uhhh. Sure. Sure, Feldog. Sure.

Suh-weet!