The Goblin Toymakers

Santa’s Workshop stood as a beacon of light in wintery darkness. The sounds of bustling, toymaking, and joy emanated from within. Alongside them rang out sounds of violence, light weaponry, and sheer chaos.

Toy production time had started, but the elves were all sick, stuck in bed with fevers, aches, and pains. Santa panicked, but then decided to do the only thing he could: Call in the back-ups. The elves cousins. The Goblin Toymakers.

They’d descended on the Workshop as quick as they could once they got the call, excited to be allowed to help. They had such plans to help. Such plans.

Santa walked them through the designs, showed them the equipment, and explained how many toys of each type were needed. The Goblins nodded along, ooh’d and ahh’d at various things and ate the instructions as soon as they were left alone.

Santa knew he should stay and try to supervise but the thought of having to supervise a gaggle of goblins felt like punishment, so he opted out and went inside the main house to get a sugar high off hot cocoa with Mrs Claus.

The goblins would build toys. He knew that. And they wouldn’t build things that would actually harm anyone. He knew. He hoped. He decided.

In the workshop the goblins ran around figuring out what toys were.

“Ay! Ay! I knows, we can make those doll heads, right?” Jewels asked, holding up a template.

“Yeah,” Crusher replied, “for doll butts..”

“For rockets!” Jewels screamed.

“Wossa rocket, then, if it has a human head?” Nibsler asked. They sat on a stool upside-down, gnawing on a stool leg.

“Better then a human!” Jewels said, happily.

All the goblins in the shop cackled at that and they started building heads and rockets. Now many of the heads weren’t really human, there were pigs, horses and the occasional cat mixed in.

The rockets varied in size and shape, with at least two managing to, somehow, end up as exacting replicas of WWII aircraft carriers.

And then the hammers came out once more, and heads were nailed to rockets and goblins sang a song of glory. A song of victory! A song of Christmas while they worked.

After the doll rockets were finished they moved on to:

Toy cars, each car carefully fitted with eight legs for front wheels.

Toy planes with unicorn heads for wings.

Toy dogs whose bodies were made of broken clockwork.

And perfect, shining, exacting replicas of the International Space Station.

Crusher, Jewels, and Nibsler heaved open the workshop door and trudged toward Santa’s house. They’d been chosen to fetch him, since the other goblins were both too afraid, and wanted to make sure to blame them for starting the whole mess.

“What if we just lefts?” Jewels asked.

“And wents were? He’s our ride,” Nibsler said. They stood before the door of the main house and lowered their voices, in case they did decide to make a break for it.

“We could steals the sleigh,” Crusher said. The three of them considered it for a few seconds and then shook their heads in unison. They’d made toys! That had been their job, and they had done it. Why would they get in trouble?

The door opened suddenly, before they could knock, or run.

“I can see when you’re sleeping, or awake, you think I can’t see when you lurk?” Santa asked the three goblins before him.  They each shrugged in turn. “And I know what you built. Of course I…I’m Santa. How are you not getting this yet?”

The goblins looked at Santa and then at each other.

“You’re not in trouble,” Santa told them.

“Of course we’re not,” Crusher insisted.

“Why would we be?” Jewels asked.

“We’s toy makers,” Nibsler added, in case that helped.

“And you made toys,” Santa agreed.

He walked them back to the workshop, and the goblins steps grew prouder each moment. Santa approved! When they got to the workshop they saw the elves all around, and their goblin cousins busy wrapping the toys they’d all made.

“Wait, but elves sicko?” Jewels asked Santa.

“Well. That may have been a fib. Let’s face it, goblins are a proud bunch, you needed a reason to come out here and use my workshop to build toys for the goblin lands.”

“These for gobbos?!” all the goblins asked in unison. They stood and cheered! “Goblins never get toys!”

“…now you’ve got it. This was my gift, this year, to the goblins.”

“But why,” Crusher asked, “not any other year, just now?”

“I…uhm…” Santa looked around at the elves who were starting to look panicked as well, “It’s a whole Santa thing, don’t worry about it,” he finished quickly.

“Oh. All rights,” said Nibsler, agreeing. Sometimes Santa had secret reasons, obviously.

The elves loaded the toys, and goblins into the sleigh, precariously. Santa climbed into his seat and flew them all home. As they gave out toys, and created chaos and merriment in the goblin lands Santa mounted the sleigh to head for home.

“Thanks you, Santa,” Jewels said. “We’ll comes back for Easters to make more toys for goblins. Sees you then!”

“What? No this was a one time thing…” Santa said as he flew off.

“Rights!” agreed Crusher, “One times today, one times next holiday, we understands!”

“Oh for fuck’s… I MEAN ho ho ho!” yelled Santa as he vanished into the night.