In the far future a crack commando unit was sent to Arus to escape King Zarkon who wanted them for a crime they didn’t commit. They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to Princess Allura’s underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as pilots of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you really need five robotic lions who can become a giant robot, maybe you can hire the V-Team.

Commander ‘Hannibal’ Keith: All right you screw-ups. Let’s go. We have to get the lions moving and go save that little girls father from evil farmers.

‘Howling Mad’ Lance: Come on, Hannibal! Let’s just use Voltron and step on him!

Mr. Sven: I pity the foo’ who gets stepped on!

Hunkface: Whatever, you guys let’s just go.

** Later, after 27 explosions, three scenes involving crying children and a montage of action footage **

Commander ‘Hannibal’ Keith: I love it when five lions come together. And form a giant robot. Let’s go back to base.

‘Howling Mad’ Lance: Can’t we stay for pie?!

Mr. Sven: I’m not gettin’ on no flying lion robot.

Hunkface: You just did. You always do. Hello?

Mr. Sven: Well. This time. Fine.

Two things for you today:

First, I want this t-shirt. It is from Japan and the only way I can find it is in an eBay auction where it is 45 bucks or so. But man who doesn’t want a Pedobear vs Ronald McDonald tshirt?

Yeah.

The second thing is all about Biff. As in Tanner. It seems that Tom Wilson, who played Biff, is a funny guy who does stand-up while singing little funny songs as often as not. Who knew! Here is Biff’s Question Song, which had me laughing quite a bit:

Charlie Chaplin in the Matrix. Originally, obviously done in Russian. Anyway. Enjoy the crazy.

Sometimes the SNL digital shorts get it right.

Eventually someone will make a real one of these. Until then I made it for you:

I don’t play GTA at all but I would so watch this show and die laughing all the time:

*Except it totally isn’t true at all.**

**Except the really awesome parts, those are totally true.

So this morning as I was coming into the dayjob I heard a noise. Well I was listening to music on my headphones, so you would think that was the noise I meant. You’d be wrong. No, this noise was loud enough to be heard over my music. Still nothing looked wrong so kept walking.

A little while later, just a few steps really, and tripped over someone’s foot. You’d think I’d be better about watching for that sort of thing. But it was early, you know? Anyway, so yeah, tripped over this foot and looked down.

As an aside, ever notice when you trip over someone’s foot you can always tell you tripped over a foot before you even look to tell? Tripping over feet is unlike tripping over anything else. I wonder why. But back to the story.

So I look down. The foot is in a pink, sparkly boot. Now I know some people who would wear such a boot so I thought maybe it was one of them. None of them, however, live in the same town as me so that would have been really odd. Uhm, but yeah, it wasn’t them.

No it was this woman who looked like Jem! For seriously. She had the make-up, the costume, the works. I was shocked. I mean how many people cosplay as Homeless Jem? I will admit that this could be the killer costume for Halloween but it isn’t Halloween yet, so I tossed that idea right out.

“Hey, you gonna help a lady up?” she asked, while I was busy contemplating her outfit.

“Oh, uhhh, sure,” I gave her one last look over as I reached out to give her a hand. “So you’re a big Jem fan, huh?”

“What?” She laughed at me, distinctly at me. “No, you fool, I AM Jem!”

Now it was my turn to laugh. I mean I’ll believe all sorts of things (the power of 80s music to cure illnesses, Cher and Madonna are secretly the same robot with different skinsuits, bears, Jesus came back as the Dunkin Donuts guy (“time to make the donuts” was an allusion to saving your soul) but we all missed it and doomed ourselves to Hell – to name a few) but I refused to believe that some cartoon character had come to life, ended up in New York and was currently homeless.

I told her as much, leaving out the other things I believed in, because there was no point in making a scene, and started to walk away. Except them, as I walked away, that noise happened again. That really loud noise! And then music started to play!

Startled, I turned around! It was Jem and the Holograms! And they played an awesome song that kicked off a musical montage all about how Jem had ended up homeless on the streets of New York, got an addicting to crack and was counting on me to defeat the Misfits and send her back to a safe life as a cartoon icon.

But I was, I mean come on, I was gonna be late for work. And yet it was Jem. So yeah I went with them to their cartoon land and defeated the Misfits and then we all came back and had an awesome breakfast and got Jem into rehab and Kimber totally hit on me and Synergy was all “You should stay with us,” but I was like “No, awesome guys, I must away to my own world, where I will save the world with the power of awesomeness!”

And they all cried a bit, and hey I’m not too proud and I can admit I cried a little bit myself. Because holy shit it was awesome. But they sent me back here and I realized that almost no time had passed! So I ran for the train but missed it, because, well, some time had passed.

Which is why I was late for work today.

I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again: Superman needs to stop throwing everything into the sun. We all remember this. I’m just saying. And now I bring you:

I didn’t make this

I give you a new recipie for winning! Total Eclipse of the Heart + an all men’s choir named “Only Men Aloud” (featuring Bonnie Tyler) + do the entire video in Lego.

Yes, that’s right. You read all of that correctly. Yup.