mash-ups

Game of Heathers

I just realized that Heathers, yes the movie, fits really well into Game of Thrones. Yes, really. Think of it like this: You have Heather Lannister, Heather Baratheon, and Heather Greyjoy and then poor Veronica Stark. Meanwhile everyone is afraid of the new kid Slater Targaryen. Now, I haven’t read ahead or anything but I really hope Veronica blows up King’s Landing. Also I want to reshoot Heathers with Heather Lannister’s brother Tyrion involved. But anyway! Yeah. Heather Stark moves to King’s Landing, and she hates it. It’s run by this clique of Heathers. Well, you know how this story goes. Slater is feared, he’s known as Dragon Boy, and hooks up with Ronnie. They manage to accidently kill Heather Baratheon (well Ronnie thinks it’s an accident at first) and now the wheels start to come off. Also – late…

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S.H.I.E.L.D. – the theme

So with Joss Whedon poised to do a S.H.I.E.L.D. TV show I figgered one good cost saving measure would be to reuse the Firefly theme and just change around the words some. Well, then I thought I’d be helpful, see, and do it for them. So, below, is the new S.H.I.E.L.D. theme: Take my Cube, remake the land Take me where only A.I.M. can stand I don’t care, I’m still free You can’t take Helicarriers from me. Kill me off, try that tack Tell them I ain’t comin’ back Replace me with an LMD You can’t take Helicarriers from me. Leave my flyin’ car where it lay It won’t never see another day Lost clearance, blew the scheme You can’t take Helicarriers from me. I feel Hydra reaching out And Zodiac’s song without a doubt I still hear and I…

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Moves Like Carlton

My friend BriBri is a good guy. He’s just also… well, remember Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Carlton? Yeah. That’s Brian. He’s kinda gooftastic and awkward and got beat up by a little Swiss kid once and… I realized he needed a theme song. So I rewrote one into existance for him. MOVES LIKE CARLTON Just buy some new cars If it feels right Then Geoffrey can start IF he feels like And wash them all day, make it okay I swear he’ll buff right Will wanted control But we waited I put on a show Now he’ll see it He says I’m a kid My ego is big I don’t give a shit And I goes like this [Chorus] Take me by the sweater And I’ll know you Conseratives don’t drink But I’ll show you You want the moves like…

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Chell and the Holograms!

When Jerrica Benton needs help running Starlight Music she finds the aid she needs in the form of a computer left to her by her father. A computer that only wants to help: Reborn as the hard rocking, science experiment loving Chell, Jerrica uses her new-found abilities and Portal Gun to form a band. A band that is truly, truly, outrageous! … I… I’m sorry I just couldn’t get the idea of Portal and Jem merging out of my head. I tried. I tried to keep this quiet. But I couldn’t. Forgive me.

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Se7en Hands of Fate

I had a startling, horrible, realization on the way to work today. Se7en is a remake of Manos: Hands of Fate. I know, right? Startled me, too. First of all, of course, the killer is the Master. He has his sins, or his wives if you will, that he needs to protect. He protects them by killing, and worshipping them always moving on to the next in line. He has lost himself to his obsession, and has become consumed with luring people in and moving along his path. These things hold true for both films. Because they’re kinda the same movie. The Mills family in Se7en replaces Michael and Margaret in Manos. They’re about as useful and at least as whiny. Though, to be fair, Margaret meets a much better end in Manos than Tracy ‘Dick In A Box’ Mills….

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A blue box and armor.

It starts with a sound. A sound like a gasping wheezing whale trying to settle in for the night. A heavy sound that grounds itself and cements right into space and time. The sound defines a sense of place, a sense of shape, pulling them all together and huffing and puffing and blowing down reality itself as the faint outlines of a box pulse into view. Puffing into life the outlines describe a box which then fill in, air seems to pulse in and out, out and in, over and over again. The box has a color: blue. The sort of blue that stands out in your mind when you get old. The color seems to talk of summers gone by, oceans unswum and the hearts of stars never cataloged. Color leeches in between lines and air throbs with the…

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The Wizard of Evil

I need some blood! And I need new dreams! I’d like raw power! I just want screams! We’re off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Evil. You’ll find he is a bastard of a Wiz! Whose methods are quite medieval. If ever oh ever a bastard there was The Wizard of Evil is one because, Because, because, because, because, because. Because of the horrible, genocidal things he does. We’re off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Evil!

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