It would seem that today is all about images. So here is another I have made for you:

So Attila was telling me about something and he included a bit that sparked something else in my head and so now I present to you the hit T.V. find of the day week month year decade – CSI: Metallica

Starring:
Detective James Hetfield – Lead Vocals / Rhythm Guitar / Forensic Anthropology
Detective Lars Ulrich – Drums / Criminalistics
Detective Kirk Hammett – Lead Guitar / Vocals / Digital Forensics
Detective Robert Trujillo – Bass / Vocals / Forensic Entomology

Hetfield: All right boys, what’ve we got?

Ulrich: I think it was illegal downloaders, man.
Read the rest of this entry »

But I had to make it. I had to.

Some mornings are harder than others. Sometimes even 16oz of Red Bull doesn’t really cut through the fog. Then again this particular fog has been hanging low over me since sometime Saturday. Which could mean that my crappy sleep schedule is messing with me extra shittily the last few days, or I’ve gone around the bend and am now on the crazy train to senile.

Given that I’m a cranky old man, I’m betting against the sleep schedule.

So when I start to drool and curse all you motherfuckers out and wave a stick around, claiming that “Gertie the Stick here will teach y’all a lesson,” oh wait, that just means it’s Tuesday, doesn’t it? Shit.

Well fuck us all sideways and six times on Easter, I guess we’re stuck. I’ll continue to just go crazy over here and you guys golf clap and score it over there, I suppose. Like always, you know? Nothing fancy.

Hey Maverick?

Yeah Goose?

Now, this is the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.

In west Philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where you spent most of your days chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of school. When a couple of guys who were up to no good startin making trouble in your neighborhood. You got in one little fight and your mom got scared she said ‘You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.’
Read the rest of this entry »

World, I bring you news of a band you need to know about. A band so awesome, so strange and so wonderful that to not know it is to know only sadness. I’m talking about Rock Sugar.

Now on their site they have a whole story about the band, a great fake history. And that’s great for what it is but let’s cut to the chase. Rock Sugar takes 80s metal songs and then uses 80s pop songs for the lyrics. Mostly. Sometimes its mash-ups of two or three songs, and so on. They don’t limit themselves. The thing is they play the songs and sing them. This isn’t a DJ remixing an awesome mash-up. This is a band playing its heart out and selling the fuck out of this madness.

Let me give you an example, and then after the video we’ll continue this discussion:

Read the rest of this entry »

So a friend of mine keeps posting posts with the word “western” in them. He has reason to. Somehow I keep reading it as Voltron. Until today I decided I needed to write the Western Voltron. Oh yes.

Five bad hombres! Each one on a horse with a different colored saddle!

Keith “Spats” McHrongy – Black Horse
Lance “Four Toes” Jefferies – Red Horse
Pidge “David” Losalle – Blue Horse
Allura “Princess” Jimenez – Yellow Horse
Brantly “Hunk” Foster – Green Horse

Spats: Aw right, then, you low lifes, let’s go git that there Robeest!

Princess: That’s just a giant spider, Keith.

Spats: Ah know that! But somehow Tits McGee, the evil Queen of the Bordello of Evil, got her hands on giant makin’s. Now we got to git rid of it!

David: Let’s mount up and ride!

Hunk: Yee-haw!

Four Toes: Aw right then let’s saddle up!

Spats: Biggun spider, dead ahead! Quick, Princess, rope it but good!

Princess: Ah’m tryin’, Keith! But it’s too big!

Spats: Well, then let’s form Voltron!

David: Right!

All as one: GO VOLTRON FORCE!

Hunk: Oh my God!

Four Toes: My horse doesn’t bend that way!

Spats: Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the blood! The blood!

Princess: My God, what have we done?

David: How can we go on after this?

Spats: F-form… f-f-form blazing… spurs…

Princess: Oh my god, there’re legs everywhere! The carnage! The guts!

Four Toes: Ah cain’t do this no more!

————–

And that’s really why Western Voltron doesn’t have a second episode, much less season.

Forty years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a Bingo court for a crime they didn’t commit. These women promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Floridian underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of the Wheel of Fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The Golden-Team.

Blanche: Damn it, girls, we need to take that bake sale. Now I can get us in, I know the waiter, if you know what I mean.

Rose: I say we steal a helicopter!

Blanche: You’re crazy.

Dorothy: And I’m not gettin’ in no flying thing!

Sophia: All you gol’bricks can shut it! We go in on my count, and we’re the only ones that walk out. Got it?

Someone found a way to make one of the prequel Star Wars movies watchable! Revenge of the Sith + Clerks = worth your time.

The A-Team opening, done with Star Wars. I wanna watch that show.

Just got sent this fantastic bit of (oh so wrong) photoshoppery. I don’t know who made it, sadly. But man. Kirk and Leia? WRONG! And yet, hysterical.