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Game of Heathers

Game of Heathers

I just realized that Heathers, yes the movie, fits really well into Game of Thrones. Yes, really. Think of it like this:

You have Heather Lannister, Heather Baratheon, and Heather Greyjoy and then poor Veronica Stark. Meanwhile everyone is afraid of the new kid Slater Targaryen. Now, I haven’t read ahead or anything but I really hope Veronica blows up King’s Landing.

Also I want to reshoot Heathers with Heather Lannister’s brother Tyrion involved.

But anyway! Yeah. Heather Stark moves to King’s Landing, and she hates it. It’s run by this clique of Heathers. Well, you know how this story goes. Slater is feared, he’s known as Dragon Boy, and hooks up with Ronnie. They manage to accidently kill Heather Baratheon (well Ronnie thinks it’s an accident at first) and now the wheels start to come off.

Also – late in the movie the God of Tits and Wine shows up.

But really, come on, admit this to yourself and to me – Heathers works as Game of Thrones far too well. Which really means that GoT is, quietly, just a teen romance black comedy disguised as something far bigger. But now you’ll never unsee it.

You’re welcome.

S.H.I.E.L.D. – the theme

So with Joss Whedon poised to do a S.H.I.E.L.D. TV show I figgered one good cost saving measure would be to reuse the Firefly theme and just change around the words some. Well, then I thought I’d be helpful, see, and do it for them. So, below, is the new S.H.I.E.L.D. theme:

Take my Cube, remake the land
Take me where only A.I.M. can stand
I don’t care, I’m still free
You can’t take Helicarriers from me.

Kill me off, try that tack
Tell them I ain’t comin’ back
Replace me with an LMD
You can’t take Helicarriers from me.

Leave my flyin’ car where it lay
It won’t never see another day
Lost clearance, blew the scheme
You can’t take Helicarriers from me.

I feel Hydra reaching out
And Zodiac’s song without a doubt
I still hear and I still see
You can’t take Helicarriers from me.

Lost sight of Dum-Dum Dugan
Howlin’ Commandos on the run.
There’s no place I can be
Since I’ve found Nick Fury.

And you can’t take Helicarriers from me.

————

I’m not sorry.

Moves Like Carlton

My friend BriBri is a good guy. He’s just also… well, remember Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Carlton? Yeah. That’s Brian. He’s kinda gooftastic and awkward and got beat up by a little Swiss kid once and… I realized he needed a theme song. So I rewrote one into existance for him.

MOVES LIKE CARLTON

Just buy some new cars
If it feels right
Then Geoffrey can start
IF he feels like
And wash them all day, make it okay
I swear he’ll buff right

Will wanted control
But we waited
I put on a show
Now he’ll see it
He says I’m a kid
My ego is big
I don’t give a shit
And I goes like this

[Chorus]
Take me by the sweater
And I’ll know you
Conseratives don’t drink
But I’ll show you

You want the moves like Carlton
I’ve got the moves like Carlton
I’ve got the mooooooves… like Carlton

I don’t need try to control you
Watch my dancing and I’ll own you

With them the moves like Carlton
I’ve got the moves like Carlton
I’ve got the mooooooves… like Carlton

WATCHMEN KOMBAT!

And now from the Things That Shouldn’t Happen Dept. is the video game cross-over from hell!

Who Finishes the Watchmen?

Round One Started 35 Minutes Ago – Fight!

And well:

Chell and the Holograms!

When Jerrica Benton needs help running Starlight Music she finds the aid she needs in the form of a computer left to her by her father. A computer that only wants to help:

Reborn as the hard rocking, science experiment loving Chell, Jerrica uses her new-found abilities and Portal Gun to form a band. A band that is truly, truly, outrageous!

… I… I’m sorry I just couldn’t get the idea of Portal and Jem merging out of my head. I tried. I tried to keep this quiet. But I couldn’t. Forgive me.

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