Goose Judge

No I am not sure why I did this either. But here you go. A bit of a spec script for a TV show called Goose Judge.

INT. COURTROOM – MORNING

The courtroom is mostly empty, a few regulars sit to watch the proceedings, as well as BIANCA TREBLE a local journalist. The lawyers for Defense, BOB CARNI, and Prosecution, INGRID GADOOKS chat in hushed tones as the defendant, LARRY ERUPTION sits silent.

BOB
(smugly)
I hear we might get lucky today. New judge rotation just started.

INGRID
You’ll need it, Bob, you ferret-fucking ambulance chasing hack.

BOB
Holy sh…what the FUCK Ingrid? I mean, now, what, and I ask you, the FUCK?

INGRID
Sorry, I just despise your stupid everything. Fucker.

The BAILIFF enters, and the courtroom falls silent.

BAILIFF
All rise.

Everyone stands. Bob and Ingrid look nervous suddenly, waiting.

BAILIFF
The Honorable JUDGE FEATHERBUTT presiding.

Goose feet make a SLAPSLAPSLAP against the floor, even though no one can see anything. After a moment, a goose, wearing a judges robe, hops into view behind the bench.

Bob smirks at Ingrid who lets out a loud SIGH. Too loud. The Judge swivels his long nexk to stare at her.

INGRID
Errr…sorry Your Honor.

JUDGE FEATHERBUTT
Honk. HonkhonkHONK!honk Honkhonk. Honk. Honk?

BOB
Sorry sir? Mad… Judge. Sorry Judge? What was that?

INGRID
(softly to Bob)
Whose fucking thrilled now, huh dickbrain?

BOB
(to Ingrid)
No, really what is your deal today?

INGRID
Well, got a goose for a judge so…

JUDGE FEATHERBUTT
HONKHONKHONK! Honk! Honkhonkhonk? Honkhonk. Honk.

INGRID
Sorry Your Honor! So sorry. I just…you know, Bob, you’ve met Bob right?

JUDGE FEATHERBUTT
(dismissively)
Honk.

INGRID
Right, so you get it.

JUDGE FEATHERBUTT
Honk!

BOB
What the fuck is going on?

LARRY
Isn’t this, should you be my lawyer if the judge hates you?

BOB
It’s fine.

LARRY
Is it?

BOB
(To the Judge)
Your Honor, I feel that in light of whatever is going on we recsched…

The goose judge leaps off his chair and vanishes behind the bench. The SLAPSLAPSLAP of goose feet can be heard again.

Suddenly he appears at the side of the bench and makes a rushed beeline right for Bob!

Bob recoils, not sure what to do. Except scream.

The goose judge pecks at him, harder and harder. Bob’s arm breaks, and he falls with a scream.

Satisfied, the goose judge slowly waddles back to the bench, as Bob cries on the ground, holding his arm. No one else moves, none of them dare.

JUDGE FEATHERBUTT
Honk honkhonk honk! Honkhonk? Honkhonkhonkhonkhonk honk honk.

LARRY
Uhhh should we call this guy an ambulance?

INGRID
In a minute. Also the Judge says your guilty.

LARRY
There wasn’t even a trial!

INGRID
There was. But it was…excuse me Judge, could you repeat that last bit?

JUDGE FEATHERBUTT
Honkhonkhonkhonkhonk honk honk.

INGRID
(to the judge)
Thank you
(to Larry)
Goose justice. It’s a whole thing.

BOB
(crying)
Help…me…

INGIRD
Suck it, you fuckotter.

JUDGE FEATHERBUTT
Honk!

INGRID
Sorry Judge, Language, I know.