Family Story Time – The Party
So let me tell you a story about my father. I don’t often get into these stories as, well, they tend to sound made up. I get that, I do, but this is 100% pure truth. It’s just one of those perfectly normal, kinda doubt your own sanity, things. When I was nine or ten, my dad told me we were going to a fancy, giant, party for my great aunt Hattie. I will say right now, the name might have been Harriet. But how, you might ask, could I not remember the name of a family member? Well… Growing up I knew of the following, on my father’s side of the family: His father died when my dad was only two. His mother, my grandmother, I knew and saw a bunch. His brother I knew of, and lived on…
My Ship Will Punch You
The Supermobile. The name doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of men, does it? Super. Mobile. It just kinda sits there, really. The first question that pops to mind is “Why the fuck does Superman need a jet plane?” He can fly, he’s invulnerable, and he’s super-strong. You don’t need a car at that point, do you? Not really, no. Still, when you have to deal with falling kryptonite, you improvise. Superman improvised by creating the Supermobile. It was blue. It was all nifty shaped. But then came the problem: Superman can’t use guns or missiles, so how can he do anything but fly around in his protective spaceship? Simple answer: We’ll give it big metallic fists so he can punch the rocks out of the sky! Of course, eventually he also used it to punch out bad guys….
Oh no the moon!
So there I am, in IM, getting work done. And Lillian pings me with a message that had a link to this screen shot: http://i.imgur.com/U0bMVOL.jpg – Warning, it is about as rascist and sexist as you can possibly imagine. So well, here is our conversation. Well, my reaction at least, to seeing that: Lillian: [IMAGE – see above] this was tweeted by someone as an example of someone making their own missions in Shadowrun Returns. me: WHAT THE FUCK Excuse me… builds rocket Leaves Earth Lillian:
The new face of war…
The times are changing. G.I. Joe and Cobra have both sufgfered huge losses in funding and recruitment. And now they have… new plans… ——————————— “Hello! You used to know me as Cobra Commander! Yes! I plotted to take over your stupid countries with might and power. Of course I did! Wouldn’t you, if faced with the sort of sniveling weakness you yourselves display? “Sadly there has been a downturn in recruits for my Cobra soldiers. As such I have been forced to reconsider our methods. So I am here today to announce that Cobra will no longer exist. Instead I shall use my army, my weapons and my masterful plans to help you get into the best shape of your life. Organically. Safely. Artistically! “From here on out we are…. YOGA! Yes, so please address me as the Yoga Commander….
Oh come on!
No. Just… no. Look, people get to my site through all sorts of searches and some of them spark mental images you should be glad I don’t share. But just now, today, not long before I started typing this, someone got to my site by searching for “Sandworm fleshlight.” And seriously, that shit… just… well, Lana? Exactly! I mean yeah I’ve written before about the Fleshlight and their strangeness (the vampire thing and just the whole… and yeah, so you know they are strange and fucked up and all already) but this… this is a bridge too far. Sandworm fleshlight. Who the hell reads Dune and thinks “I’d like to stick my dick in a sandworm, boy oh boy!” Who? No, don’t raise your hand. No, you in the … put your damned hand down! Shut up! All of you…
The Dark Shadows Dare
Welcome to a new round of Dare the Internet to Make Me Do Stupid Things this time with guest-stupid-person Laszlo Xalieri! You see, right now at Amazon the complete Dark Shadows is on sale. When I say “on sale” I mean $250 off reducing the price to a cheap $350 dollars. That’s $350 for, get this, 1225 thirty minute episodes. One thousand, two-hundred and twenty-five episodes. Holy crap. This set weighs like 15 lbs. and comes with 131 DVDs. It has 470 hours of TV. All of it is Dark Shadows. Look at this set: This is where the stupid comes in. No one really wants to commit to watching that much Dark Shadows. Or owning it. Imagine the tears rolling down a cheek as another DVD case is lifted out, as Season Umpteenbillion rolls onward. No one should do…
Captain KITT
And here is David Hasslehoff dressed as Captain Hook sitting awkwardly on K.I.T.T. No, I don’t know why.
Amelia Cole and the Box Full of Wrenches
There are times you do things because, well, you can. This is a story about one of those times. Amelia Cole and the Unknown World is a dear, dear, project to all of us who work on it. From myself, to D.J. Kirkbride, to Nick Brokenshire to Rachel Deering – we are a team. We each put in our best work and refuse to settle for anything that isn’t right for the book. It’s special to us. I know, for me, that this book is the first ongoing I’ve really been involved with. And so I realized I wanted to commemorate it with the rest of the team. We needed something… something that would mean a lot to each of us. There could have been t-shirts – a lot of people do t-shirts. Staff shirts or something along those lines,…
Mural from Hell
This weekend at Baltimore Comic Con I found the single scariest thing in Baltimore. Well, for now. Still. There was this mural up in the convention center, over the Starbucks on the third floor. And this shit was not right. Here it is then: (click for larger) My favorite thing about this painting is that everyone I discussed it with agreed on the details. That almost never happens. So here then is our collective interpretation: The gnome in the middle has enslaved all the children. The kid putting the sailboat in the water has been told he will be killed if he gets the sail wet. That kid next to him is the enforcer for it. Note the other sailboat nearby – the property of the last kid who screwed up. In the background from the sailboat kid is Abe…